


Leave A Light On

by pinkbow



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: AU, Barry Allen (Mentioned) - Freeform, Connor Smoak - Freeform, F/M, Felicity as a single mom, child illness, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 62,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4575225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkbow/pseuds/pinkbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Miss Smoak? Miss Smoak, are you listening?”</p><p>She is. No matter how much she wants to just tune him out she is listening but she can't get herself to open her mouth... and for someone who could talk non-stop like her, she suddenly feels like someone superglued her tongue inside it. This isn’t how it is supposed to go. Not even close.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a really random thing that has been popping up in my mind for the last couple days and I have no clue where it came from. So after finishing I decided there’s no harm in sharing, especially because I doubt anyone will even read it! Lol

“Miss Smoak? Miss Smoak, are you listening?”

She is. No matter how much she wants to just tune him out she is listening but she can't get herself to open her mouth... and for someone who could talk non-stop like her, she suddenly feels like someone superglued her tongue inside it. This isn’t how it is supposed to go. Not even close. She was supposed to come in, sit down and get the news she’s been hoping to receive for the last 7 months. _Why are you fooling yourself? You already knew what he was going to tell you_ , she thought. She _did_ hack into the lab as soon as she got home that day and set up an alert that would notify her of the results as soon they came in.

Doesn’t mean she couldn’t hope, right? They got wrong results all the time, it was a totally plausible explanation... and lie. This was the third time the test was redone and even if denial is so much more than a river in Egypt she needs to start facing the fact that no matter how many times she asks for a do over, the outcome will still be the same. _You know what you have to do_ , starts looping in the back of her mind.

“Miss Smoak?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, just things… in here.” She says while using her index finger to tap the side of her head.

“That’s understandable. I don’t mean to steamroll you with more information but I think it’s time we talk about the next steps.” The Doctor says. 

<->

Felicity can think of nothing she wants more than cuddle her beautiful boy in her arms. She is drained. Her conversation with the doctor told her nothing she hadn’t either already read or hacked into but it made her realize that she only has two options left.

“Hey sweetheart!” Felicity says while entering her son’s room, who immediately drops the little model boat he’s been tinkering with and runs to hug her.

“Mommy!” He says with that beautiful smile of his that just lights everything around him up.

Connor is her whole life, there’s no way around it. This beautiful sandy blond haired, blue eyed boy was her pride and joy. Almost six years ago she found out she was pregnant and never for a second did she consider not having him. From what she could find online and the fact they didn’t look much alike, she knew he was more of a mini-me of his father but he is a momma’s boy through and through.

“How are you feeling?” She asks while lightly caressing his hair.

“I’m fine.” He grumbles more than speaks while taking her hand and leading her towards his boat. “Come see my boat, mommy! I think I’m close to making it work!”

Normally she’d coax a better answer out of him but she just really wants to be close to her son for a while without worries so she follows. “Okay, show me everything.”

And for the rest of the day, it was just the two of them in their little mommy-and-son bubble. 

<-> 

She softly closes the door behind her to avoid any possible disturbances that would wake Connor up and starts making her way to the kitchen. It’s so rare for him to fall asleep these days without feeling pain or as a result of his medication, that just for a moment she can picture her healthy son again, going to bed after a day of school and baseball practice and babbles about how awesome his day was and how his coach said that if he keeps improving he’ll be the best player ever. After pouring herself a glass of wine, she makes her way to her bed and forgoes turning the TV on since she isn’t going be able to pay attention anyway.

She held it in for as long as she could, putting a smile all day in order to enjoy her day with Connor, but now that she’s alone she can feel it start to build up.The light tremor in her hands that makes her put the glass down and clench her hands into fists on top of her legs that are closely pressed against her chest, the tightness in her chest while her heart starts picking up and breaking simultaneously, the burning behind her eyes a clear sign the tears are coming and the closing throat trying to contain her need to sob and scream at the world for being so cruel and unfair to a 5 year old that never harmed a single bug and deserves much more than he is probably going to get now.

She’s been doing her best and it’s just not enough.

Seven months ago, when Connor started having constant fevers that just wouldn’t go away she became worried. For two weeks, he would wake up fine and by the time lunch came around he’d be feverish, tired and cranky. She stayed three straight nights by his side after taking him to his first doctor’s appointment because he’d been having night sweats, which at first she thought was the fever finally breaking but by the third day she caught herself using her beloved internet for answers.

Suffice to say it just made her panic even more and she rushed to the hospital with him. Initially, no one was taking her seriously, saying it was normal for kids to get sick and that it may be taking a bit longer but Connor would be healthy in no time and she needed to stop reading online based diagnosis. But she knew her son and her gut was telling her something wasn’t right, so she got her mama bear claws out along with her loud voice and made them perform a whole check up on him.

After that it was just exam after exam and blood work after blood work and a lot of probing and waiting while trying to be optimistic and not alert Connor that something might be wrong. Easier said than done, because he may not look a lot like her but there was no doubt he’s got her brains. Connor started questioning everything every time they went to the doctor and she did her best to be as truthful as possible without scaring him.

A month later she found out her baby had chronic myelogenous leukemia, also known as CML.

At first she just sat there while the doctor went on and on about how the disease is due to an abnormal chromosome in bone marrow cells, how rare it is in children and Connor had good recovery odds for being in the early stages. Then she started suffocating-crying-yelling all together because they had to be _wrong_ and her baby wasn’t sick and _how_ could they say it was a good they found something like this in a 5 year old?

Later she’d realize she lashed out and it was uncalled for, because no matter how she wanted someone to blame, especially herself, there was no one. As her mom told her when she called with plain devastation coloring her tone, “ _I know you’re angry and your heart is breaking and you want to blame someone but sweetheart, this is no one’s fault. It’s unfair and tragic and unimaginable but it’s just one of those things. Life is rarely fair, even for kids. So you listen to me, you want to cry and yell? Cry and yell but don’t be blaming yourself for this. I’ll stay here all night and every night from now on if need me to but don’t forget that Connor needs you. He needs his mom to be there because it’s going to be hard and painful and confusing for him and there’s nothing that soothes hurt more than a mother’s love.”_ By the end of the call they were both crying and her mom was already packing to come see her and Connor.

Fast forward six months of targeted therapy which she just found out isn’t working as well as it should, three compatibility tests on her part which were all disappointing, and although they all had low chances of being a possible donor her mom, Barry, Iris, Joe, Caitlin, Ronnie and Cisco all got tested to no positive outcome. She’s so grateful to all of them for trying but after today she is ready to admit there are only two options left:

Hack the National Bone Marrow Registry and make Connor a top priority, which she’s been leaving as a last resort because she’d be playing God with people’s life and that’s awful. _But not unthinkable if it means saving Connor’s life,_ she thinks while feeling repulsed by herself.

Look for Connor’s paternal grandmother and aunt in the very _very_ low possibility they could be a match. She’s been avoiding this since she found out she was pregnant because she never wanted them or anyone to think she’s after their wealth and these last 7 months because bringing a sick grandchild/nephew to a family that’s lost so much feels wrong. But there’s absolutely nothing she won’t do for her son.

Option two it is for now.

After a while she can feel her sobs turn into hiccups, and although her tears are still streaming down her face even with her eyes closed, they are doing so at a less alarming not-going-to-drown-on-your-own-tears pace and the tiredness is settling into her bones, which means she’s ready to fall asleep for a couple hours.

Felicity feels sleeps starting to pull her under when she suddenly startles courtesy of her phone and tablet vibrating and pinging non-stop, which is weird because even if it isn’t that late for her friends or mom to call her, they wouldn’t all be doing it at same time unless something happened, right?

Grabbing her glasses that had been carelessly thrown on the other side of the bed she picks up her tablet and swears her heart’s stopped beating and it’s all a joke.

 

**LOST BILLIONAIRE FOUND**

 

**OLIVER QUEEN IS ALIVE**

 

**QC HEIR FOUND ON NORTH CHINA SEA**

 

**LOST BILLIONAIRE OLIVER QUEEN DISCOVERED IN NORTH CHINA SEA**

 

It went on and on and on. Every news, gossip and social media site is blowing up about the news. Turning the TV on, all channels are covering it. Her mom and Barry have already texted her three times each and Caitlin and Iris are both calling her on facetime. She’s frozen. She can’t move. She can’t even blink.

Who would have thought that an alert system she created in a drunk haze seven months ago on a _DEAD_ Oliver Queen after finding out her son was sick and drinking a whole bottle of wine as a coping mechanism would be the thing to end up making her aware of the best shot her son has left?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> First, I’d like to thank everyone who gave me any kind of feedback on this. I was blown away and I’m so appreciative. I honestly never expected anything at all, so THANK YOU! It means the world to me.
> 
> Since I wrote this last year I’ve been having a bunch of ideas on how to continue it but I could never pick a lane. There were at least five different choices and it was hard to decide… until a couple of days ago when I rewatched the pilot. Some things bothered me, A LOT.
> 
> So along with the plot points of the first chapter, I decided to make this an AU where Robert Queen never gave Oliver the notebook, meaning there will be no undertaking. It was a hard decision but in the end I like the idea of trying to explore a more emotional side of these characters. I love the action on the show but the reason I stayed was for the characters and their relationships. End goal will always be Olicity but it’s a slow burn. In this story Oliver isn’t five years older than Felicity like in the show. In order to make it work I changed it to a 3 year difference, making Oliver 27 and Felicity 24.
> 
> I always felt that during S1 Moira and Thea could have treated Oliver better after his 5 years “stranded” instead of demanding things from him and expecting him to be the same person, which is one of the things I’ll try to handle better. Also, I’ve never been a fan of Laurel so she won’t be in this story, unless mentioned in a scene, if that. I have no desire to write for characters I don’t care about.
> 
> I’ve done some research on both topics, CML and PTSD but I’m not a doctor so if some things seem inaccurate, I’m sorry.
> 
> One last thing, this is my first attempt at a multi chapter fic and English isn’t my first language. I try my best but editing is not fun so I’m sure there are errors along the way, which I take full responsibility for.

 

_Survive._

_Survive._

_Survive._

It’s been a never ending loop in his head for the past five years, since he watched his father shoot himself in the head so he could have a chance. Every time he thought of giving up, of finally putting an end to all the suffering and misery, his father’s last wish would ignite a will inside of him that he never imagined he possessed. After five years he’s going back. He is on his way home. Not home, he doesn’t know what that means anymore, but back to Starling City. Back to his mother and his sister and a life he can’t ever remember living.

He’s going to fulfill his father’s wish for him to survive because it’s his duty, but he isn’t sure he’s ever going to _live_ again. After everything he’s done, he’s sure he doesn’t deserve to anyhow.

 

<->

 

“Connor sweetheart, it’s time to wake up.” Felicity says, running her hand through his blonde hair as she sits on the edge of his bed. He groans a little but doesn’t move.

Before he got sick Connor would be the one waking her up in the mornings, sometimes when it was still dark outside. She wishes she knew how lucky she was then. Now it’s a battle, another one in an ever growing list, they go through every morning.

“Come on baby, wake up.” She says again moving to caress his forehead. She can tell by the change in his breathing that he’s awake so she keeps trailing her thumb over his forehead while rubbing her nose on his shoulder.  “It’s Thursday and you know what it means, right?” She says giving his pajama covered shoulder a kiss and moving back so she’s staring at his little sleepy face.

That finally gets him to peak an eye open at her while rubbing his little fist into the other one and letting out a small yawn. It’s wary, full of sleep and slightly pained and it hurts that part of her soul that wants to make it all better for him, always. It’s another change these last few months, the pain. He’s a fighter and barely complains, sometimes keeping it to himself instead of letting her know and it makes her worry even more. His strength and resilience is surprising for someone so young and the proud feeling in her chest is only counterbalanced by her fear that when something’s really wrong he may not let her know in time.

He moves his hands towards her, seeking her out, the same move he’s been doing since he was a baby and it never fails to warm her inside that her son not only needs her but _wants_ her near.

“Pancakes?” Connor’s scratchy from sleep voice asks as he grabs her free hand and holds on tight, not hurting her but making sure she’s there and she’s with him.

“Yeah, it’s pancake day in the Smoak household, but for that to happen you have to actually get up, ok?”

“Okay mommy!” He answers as he lets go of her hand, sits up and moves closer, leaning his head on her chest, right above her breasts and hugging her. Returning his hug with one of her own and dropping a kiss to the top of his head, Felicity concludes it’s a fairly easy battle today and coupled with the news she got last night, she can say things seem to be looking up.

 

<->

 

“Twenty percent of his body is covered in scar tissue. Second degree burns on his back and arms. X-rays show at least twelve fractures that never properly healed.” Dr. Lamb, the family doctor and a close friend, tells Moira Queen as she turns towards the door. The door that her son, the son she thought dead for the past five years, is behind. She can see his back through the glass as he seemingly stares out at the city. His posture is rigid in a way she’s never seen. 

“Has he said anything about what happened?” She asks with an unusual amount of emotion in her voice. _What happened to her son?_ She wants answers and she’s not used to not having them but her son’s well-being is the priority. She can wait for answers as long as Oliver is here.

“No. He’s barely said anything.” After a pause he goes on. “Moira, I’d like you to prepare yourself… the Oliver you lost might not be the one they found.” His voice is grave and cautious but she can tell he’s trying not to scare her. _Too late_ , she thinks as horrible scenario after horrible scenario keeps going through her head. “His injuries and the isolation may have caused more than physical damage. I’d highly recommend him to see a therapist and for you and your family to be prepared for a hard journey, chances are high he has a severe case of PTSD.”

She gives a small nod indicating she heard him. She is going to do everything in her power so her son can settle in well, but she needs to see him, hold him. It’s been five years and she’s not waiting another second, everything else can wait a little longer. With that she raises her trembling hand towards the doorknob, takes a deep breath before turning it and opens the door.

 

<->

 

Felicity has been mulling over how to approach the Queens since she got the news a couple days ago.

It has always been her intention for Connor to meet and have a relationship with the other side of his family someday. He hasn’t asked about his father much yet, except for that time when he was three and she told him that although his father loved him very much, he had gone to heaven and become an angel so he could always look after and protect him and that other time after his first day of school when he asked why his peers daddies were allowed to stay with them while his wasn’t, and while she didn’t want to confuse him with the sad truth of his father’s fate either time, she tried her best to be as truthful as possible. Sometimes she thinks he understands but others she questions it and her choice of keeping him away from his other family. She always thought that when he was a bit older she would contact his father’s side of the family so he could have a connection to the men he’d never get a chance to meet. Moira and Thea Queen would be his only chance to know his father.

Connor’s diagnose changed all that. She’s always believed that when it came down to it, she’d approach Moira Queen somehow and explain it to her after giving her The Connor Files.

The Connor Files is something she has been putting together since she was pregnant, but since his diagnose seven months ago, she started to add more and more medical information. No matter how much she wanted to believe she’d never need to use it, she wanted to be prepared. She’s a logical person and it seemed like the next step to have something to give the Queen family in order to help her back up her story.  So far it’s a digital folder on her laptop that contains everything Connor: sonograms, the sound of his heartbeat during her pregnancy, birth certificate, one picture for every year he’s been alive, medical records from before and after his diagnose, information about his condition and doctor follow ups since he started his targeted therapy.

Still, that hasn’t stopped her from feeling awful about the idea dropping a surprise grandson/nephew on the Queen family just to inform them he’s sick.

But now Oliver Queen is back and that changes everything. Connor’s father is alive and that is nothing short of a miracle.

She’s not naïve enough to think it’ll be any easier to contact them, especially because after five years stranded on an island she’s pretty sure Oliver has an array of issues to deal with, and adding a sick son won’t do him any favors, but it’s Connor’s life in the balance and there’s really no choice to make.

 

<->

 

“Oliver?”

He’d recognize his mother’s voice anywhere, even if there’s a hesitation and a tremble in it he doesn’t remember ever hearing before. She’s always been poise and grace at all times. He takes a breath and stills himself. He’s waited for this moment for so long, the chance to see his family again, and now that it’s finally here he can’t help but think that maybe he shouldn’t have come back, that they’d be better off without him. He’s not the Oliver they remember and he can’t be him again after everything that’s happened to him. He’s cold, closed off and his emotions are buried deep in compartmentalized spaces he plans on never touching again, but he feels something inside of him crack at her voice and a feeling he could scarcely associate with want blossom inside his chest and he turns around.

It’s slow and hesitant and his eyes feel strangely moisty after so long but she’s there, looking a bit older, like she can’t believe he’s here and he can see not only the tears but the love shining in her eyes. “Mom…” His voice cracks a little, either from disuse or emotion though he can’t be sure and he has to swallow in order to hold on to his control.

She takes a step towards him at the same time he moves towards her and with trembling lips the words escape her. “Oh… my beautiful boy!” And then she’s hugging him and he can feel her tears on his neck making him hold her a bit tighter.

It’s not how he imagined it. It doesn’t feel as comforting as he expected and he doesn’t know how to explain it but he feels disconnected somehow, like watching as someone who looks like him is experiencing it instead, and even if he can’t feel the comfort he was expecting himself, he’s relieved that at least his mother can from the way clings to him.

 

<->

 

After getting Connor dressed for the day and making their traditional pancake Thursday breakfast – she’s not a good cook, far from it, but she manages enough that her son has a balanced diet, especially since he started his treatments – she gives him his assigned homework for the day while she sits to catch up on work. Connor’s not attending school anymore. They tried but between his symptoms, treatments and the side effects it became clear to her that the best thing was to home school him so he can be as comfortable as possible and she can keep an eye on him. One of the advantages is that she’s free to challenge him more than his school was. Her son is way smarter than a four and half year old, and she’s pretty sure he is a genius like her, so she’s teaching him some second grade English and math and some mechanics since he’s shown a love for assembling and tinkering with things – his model boat is still a work in progress but it’s clear he loves it so she nurtures it to the best of her ability while trying to maintain a routine and give him something to be passionate about since baseball is not a possibility these days.

When she found out she was pregnant at 19 after graduating from MIT she made the decision to work independently by designing software and doing consulting work instead of accepting offers from big corporations. By then the Queen’s Gambit had already been lost at sea and she decided that the best way she’d be to be able to provide for her son while being a single mom would be by doing independent projects. She’d have control over her working hours and if everything went well she could start her own company down the line.

Moving to Starling City was a way to start over, have her mom closer than if she was in Boston while not having to stay in Vegas, give Connor some proximity to his father’s family for when the time came for them to meet and enjoy the opportunities the city had to offer career wise.

Fast forward five years and despite Connor’s leukemia they have a good life. Her son is loved and though it’s been a hard road lately with his illness he’s a happy child and she’s not struggling financially even if she’s far from rich. She still hasn’t started her company but that’s mostly because she needs to focus on Connor and his recovery. It’s not a sure thing she knows that, but she needs to believe he will be okay. She can’t imagine a world without her son in it, so believes and fights any way she can to give him the best options available, which is how she ends up not only tracking the news for the latest information on Oliver but airports and Starling City General.

She knows he arrived in Starling City the night after the broadcast, spent last night at Starling General and is being discharged today. She refused to go through his medical file though, it felt too intrusive to his privacy and everything she’s needed to know about his health she hacked into during her pregnancy, purely because she wanted to be sure there was nothing in his family history that could be passed down to her baby, which thank god there wasn’t.

Now she needs to figure out how to tell the Queens about Connor. She thinks approaching Oliver is the easiest way but at the same time she can’t be sure of his mental state or if he remembers her after all these years. Also, is she just supposed to knock on the Queen’s door? She’s pretty sure she’d never make it past the gate.

 

<->

 

The ride to the mansion was surreal and he couldn’t wait for it to be over. He’s glad to be out of that hospital room and away from the doctors and nurses but being in a car he wasn’t in control of was unsettling. 

After getting out he makes his way to the trunk to grab his crate. He isn’t ready to let it out of his sight nor does he want anyone touching it. “I’ve got it.” He says to the driver who looks surprised but consents easily.

His mother starts talking as soon as she opens the door. “Your room is exactly as you left it. I never had the heart to change a thing.”

It feels like déjà vu but at the same time it doesn’t.

It doesn’t look exactly the same as the last time he was here, but the changes are subtle enough to show that time’s passed. After five years, everything that was once familiar is now unrecognizable.

“Oliver, damn good to see you!” A tall dark skinned man says while walking towards him. He looks familiar but he can’t be sure. “It’s Walter. Walter Steele.” The man says after an uncomfortable pause, appearing slightly surprised he doesn’t recognize him but trying to not let it show.

“You remember Walter... your father’s friend from the company.” Moira says trying to engage him but he sees someone from the corner of his eye that he actually remembers and missed, so he starts walking away.

“It’s good to see you, Raisa.” He says while grabbing her hands in his and squeezing.

“Welcome home, Mr. Oliver” She responds with a strong Russian accent in her voice even after all this time. It’s clear how happy she is to see him. Turning to Mrs. Queen she says. “Mr. Merlyn phoned. He wants to join you for dinner.”

“Wonderful!” Moira exclaims.

Whatever else that was about to be said is forgotten when he hears the sound of a door opening and his mother saying “Oliver? Did you hear that?”

He heard it perfectly and turns in the direction of the stairs with a slight curve of his lip. As soon as he looks up he sees her. “Hey sis!”

“I knew it. I knew you were alive.” Thea Queen exclaims while running down the stairs and throwing herself in his arms. “I missed you so much.”

He could hear the smile and tears in her voice, so he holds her tighter and for the first time in ages he feels a smile break on his face. It’s not a full blown smile but it’s the first one in a long time.

“You were with me the whole time.” He replays.

Holding his sister, seeing her all grown up and hearing the relief and happiness in her voice is the closest he felt to normal in five years.

 

<->

 

Felicity doesn’t want to ambush Oliver or the Queens but since the doctor told her the targeted therapy is not working as expected, _or at all_ she thinks bitterly, after six months and a change in medication, she knows time is starting to run out along with viable options. According to what the doctor told her and her own research CML’s only cure for kids is a stem cell transplant and it being so rare in children makes it harder to find a treatment plan, which results in a trial by error/case to case treatment plan. The targeted therapy was never meant to be a cure, just a way to slow down the leukemia while finding Connor a donor in the least aggressive way possible. 

The Doctor made it clear that they must start chemotherapy as soon as possible to see if it helps since the drugs haven’t, and that a transplant is really the only definitive way out of this. She’s read dozens of medical journals and she knows how hard chemotherapy is on an adult and how it’s even worse for a child so she needs to hurry in contacting and convincing Oliver and his family to get tested, for Connor’s sake and her own because if she thought seeing her baby in pain from the TT drugs was heartbreaking, she can’t imagine how much worse it’ll be on him with extended chemotherapy.

 

<->

 

Showering in his bedroom at the mansion felt strange and Oliver can’t be sure if it’s because he’s not used to real showers anymore or because it doesn’t feel like his room. Looking himself in the mirror was just another reminder that whoever he is now, it’s someone who is in no way similar to the 22 year old boy who left in the Queen’s Gambit. He’s older though not exactly wiser but he’s seen too much of the bad in the world to ever be free of the weight the last five years have had on him. He’s scarred and he’s broken.

The guards called the house to let him know Tommy’s arrived so he makes his way down to the foyer to wait for yet another reunion, when a picture of him and his father from when he was about five years old catches his eye. He misses his dad so much, but can’t help but resent the fact he got to die while he’s still here. Before he can get too deep into his thoughts, he hears the door open and his best friend enter the room.

“What did I tell you? Yachts suck!” Tommy Merlyn exclaims in a carefree voice that takes Oliver back to five years ago. It’s a reminder that not everything is different. It’s a stability he didn’t realize he needed.

“Tommy Merlyn.” Oliver says as he turns and hugs his best friend.

“I missed you, buddy.” Tommy says while laughing and hugging him back.

For a moment it feels like no time has passed at all.

 

<->

 

“Mommy?” Connor asks while moving his food around his plate. It’s an assortment of colorful vegetables - his favorites only, small cut up pieces of grilled chicken and rice, but he’s not really hungry. Thursdays are his favorites. His mommy makes pancakes and doesn’t make him eat beans or that yucky cornflower stuff. It’s the only day he’s allowed to eat only what he likes as long as it’s on the doctor’s list. His voice is hesitant but determined, he knows the topic may upset his mommy but at he’s curious.

Felicity noticed how Connor’s been quieter than usual since lunch. He’s taken two naps today, which is normal these days. One of the side effects of his medication is extreme tiredness and along with the pain she knows is constantly bothering him, he feels tired most of the time. He’s like her in a lot of ways, but sometimes he’s not and she wonders if it’s something he got from his father or just a Connor thing. Her son can babble like a pro, to the point she sometimes wonders if he may be worse than her, but when it comes to the stuff that matters he gets this almost broody face, like he’s weighting the words he wants to say instead of being like her and babbling it in one go. He’s looking like that now despite the slightly hesitation and she’s aware of what he’s about to ask. She knew it was coming but that doesn’t make it any easier. “Yes honey. What is it?” She says putting her silverware down.

“I didn’t take my pills today” He starts unsure, twisting his hands in front of him on top of the table but each spoken word gives him a bit more confidence as he goes on. “… and yesterday was hospital day so does this mean I’m not sick anymore?” There’s a guarded, almost unrecognizable hope to his voice, one she wouldn’t detect if she wasn’t his mother and knew him better than anyone, it squeezes her heart so hard inside her chest she forgets to breathe for a second.

She’s grateful that for whatever reason he decided now was the time to ask because until a couple days ago she didn’t have a lot of options left and the one’s she did have, weren’t looking that viable. Still, she can feel her heart break yet again. _How do you tell your four year old son that he stopped taking his pills not because he’s cured but because they’re not working?_ She thought she was prepared but she’s not.

Felicity has never lied to Connor. It is the number one rule on the parenting guideline she established for herself. Honesty is always the best police and although she may not always tell him every single detail, be it to protect or not confuse him since he’s so young, she has never lied to him and doesn’t intend to start now.

When she found out he was sick she sat him down and explained it to him the best way she could. She let him know the doctor found something different is his body, something that wasn’t supposed to be there and that was why he was feeling sick a lot. She also explained that it wasn’t as simple as a cold he’d get over in a couple of days or a scraped knee and he would need a lot of medication that would most likely make him feel sicker before he started getting better.

He questioned how long it would take for him to get better and she was truthful when she said she didn’t know and that’s why they’d starting going to the doctor a lot more, so he could examine him and monitor his progress. He was okay for a while, acting like nothing had changed and she was sure he hadn’t really comprehended the significance of what she told him, but she never had the heart to tell him he might not get better. If his own mother didn’t believe in it, _in him_ , how could he? But then the medicine started getting to him and he had to stop playing baseball and going to school. He started questioning it more and she did her best to make him understand it, so he knew yesterday was not only hospital day - as he started calling Wednesdays, but also the day she’d get results back. The last two times she did the compatibility test or he got tested to see if the drugs were working and it ended in disappointing results, she told him they had to do it again to be sure and although she knew he was questioning why in his head, he never questioned her on it.

But yesterday the doctor told her there is no pointing in giving him anymore medicine from the targeted therapy because it isn’t working and is just making him feel sicker, so it was decided Connor would stop taking them and next week the doctor will do a checkup in order to prepare him to start his chemotherapy.

She gets up and makes her way to Connor’s side of the table, pulling his chair back and picking him up. Felicity always feels better if she’s holding her son close during these types of conversation. She starts walking towards the couch and Connor doesn’t hesitate on wrapping his little legs around her waist and his arms around her neck. It’s like he knows she’s bracing herself because he holds on a bit tighter than usual and when she sits down with him on her lap, he only moves away enough to be able to look at her face.

She opens her mouth as she starts caressing the hair on the back of his neck with one hand as the other rests on the small of his back, but nothing comes out.

Connor lets a little purr of satisfaction at the caress but looks down at his hands that are now playing with the old MIT shirt she’s wearing as he says “I’m sorry mommy. I didn’t want to upset you.”

“No. No. No baby. You didn’t.” She hurries to say. She doesn’t want Connor to think he can’t come to her and that gives her the strength to go on. “Listen, you can never upset mommy by asking questions, okay?”

“Okay.” He murmurs but still doesn’t look at her.

She lifts his chin up with the hand that was on his back so he’s now looking directly at her eyes when she says, “Hey, I promise mommy isn’t upset. You can always come to me with anything, okay honey?” She tries to put as much love and reassurance as she can in her eyes and it seems to work because he nods his head and says

“Okay!”

“You know mommy doesn’t keep things from you, so the answer to your question is no. You’re not better. You didn’t have to take your pills today because the doctor said they’re not really helping you.” Her voice only trembles a little at the end and she considers that a win. Every time she questions how to tell him about his progress. She wants to protect him from it all but she’s realized that there’s no better way than making him aware. He may be too young but it’s his health and his life. She feels him deflate in her lap, his blue eyes are welling up with tears and it rips her apart, making her question for the millionth time _why does it have to be her son?_ She can see he’s trying to understand what it means, so she waits and if she starts holding him a bit closer then no one can blame her.

 

<->

 

“Okay... what else did you miss? Super bowl winners! Giants. Steelers. Saints. Packers. Giants again. A black president, that's new. Oh, and in Lost? They were all dead, I think.” Tommy has been in charge of carrying the conversation from the minute they all sat down to eat dinner.

Oliver notices his mother and Walter are in their own little word and Thea keeps looking at him from the corner of her eye and opening her mouth as if she’s going to ask something but thinks better of it. He’s sure it’s about the island and while he doesn’t want to talk about it, he’s been bracing himself for the inevitable questions from the minute he fired his last arrow in Lian Yu.

“What was it like there?” Thea questions.

Everybody stops eating and turns to look at him. Oliver isn’t surprised at all so after a couple seconds he replies with an answer he’s had prepared for a long time, “Cold.” He can tell he’s made everyone feel uncomfortable but before he or anyone can dwell on it Tommy steps in,

“Tomorrow, you and me, we're doing the city. You've got a lot to catch up on.”

“That sounds like a great idea.” Moira interjects.

“Good. Then I was hoping to swing by the office.” He really is on a roll. He’s not trying to make things even more awkward but Oliver needs a goal, a purpose, something to focus on if he intends to keep his promise to his father.

Walter takes a sip of his wine before responding “Well, there's plenty of time for all that. Queen Consolidated isn't going anywhere.”

As if she knows things aren’t going too smoothly Raisa comes in with one of the plates but stumbles. Before she can or the plate fall, Oliver catches both and helps her stand up again.

“Oh, I am so sorry, Mr. Oliver.” She apologizes.

“Ni dlya kogo ne volnuites, Raisa.” It comes out without a second thought and it’s not until Tommy exclaims “Dude, you speak Russian?” that Oliver realizes it’s Russian and not English he spoke.

“I didn't realize you took Russian at college, Oliver.” Walter adds, trying to engage in a conversation that doesn’t end in awkwardness.

Too bad Oliver is not ready to extend him an olive branch. “I didn't realize you wanted to sleep with my mother, Walter.”

“I didn't say anything.” Thea exclaims after an uncomfortable silence falls on the room and everyone turns to stare at her.

“She didn't have to.” The matter of fact, resigned way Oliver says it creates an even more uncomfortable atmosphere. He may not be good at interacting with people anymore but it’s rare for him to read them wrong after everything he’s seen.

“Oliver, Walter and I are married… and I don't want you to think that either one of us did anything to disrespect your father.” Moira says in another attempt to smooth things over. She wanted her son to have a nice first night back home but this has been mostly a disaster so far.

“We both believed that Robert, like you, was, uh, well, gone.” Walter interjects. Oliver would feel sorry for him if it wasn’t for the fact that everyone has just made it crystal clear they had no intention of telling him anything any time soon.

“It's fine. May I be excused?” Oliver stands up and after getting an affirmative nod from his mother takes an apple, winks at Thea and pats Tommy’s shoulder. He will never begrudge his mother happiness but he never imagined she’d be married again so soon. It’s a bit overwhelming on top of everything else and he needs some time.

“Hey, don't forget about tomorrow, buddy.” Is the last thing he hears Tommy say before he leaves the room.

 

<->

 

“Does it mean I’m not going to get better mommy?” Connor’s voice is small and sad.

“No sweetheart, it just means this wasn’t the right way to treat you so on our next hospital day, the doctor is going to check up on you and then we’re going to start a new medicine. Does that make sense?”

He’s quiet for a while but when speaks there’s a hollow quality to his voice that a five year shouldn’t have to use. The sliver of hope she identified earlier is gone. “You’d tell me if I was never going to get better, right mommy?” His eyes are full of tears but he’s not crying and sometimes it’s hard to remember how young he is and how much he’s been through.

“Of course I would.” But they’re not there yet and she’s not going to take any more hope away from Connor until she’s exhausted all options. As soon as Connor’s asleep she’s going to figure out how to talk to Oliver and the Queens.

It seems he found the reassurance he was looking for in her eyes because he hides his face in her neck and lets a little sob escape him. He’s not one for words when he’s hurting and she knows how tired he is, not only because of his illness but of not being able to do a lot of the things he loves, so she gives him all the comfort he seeks by holding on. She’s not sure who’s holding on tighter but if she rests her head on top his and silently cries while singing him to sleep then it’ll be their little secret.

 

<->

“Oliver, wake up!” Moira says while shaking her son slightly, trying to get him to wake up from the apparent nightmare he's having. She and Walter were woken up by loud screaming and when they got up and realized it was coming from Oliver’s room, they rushed over. She wasn’t expecting her son to be trashing and screaming while sleeping on the floor, his window open with the rain soaking him entirely. “Oliver?” She tries again.

Oliver suddenly wakes up and violently throws her on her back in a move that’s too fast for her to realize what’s happening until she feels him pressing a hand to her throat and cutting off her air supply. He’s too strong for her to push off. When she looks at him, his eyes are dazed, like he can’t see she’s his mother and not a threat.

Walter is there then, pulling Oliver away from her and yelling “Oliver!”

Somehow hearing his name come from a strange british voice clears the fog in Oliver’s mind and he’s not on the boat anymore. There’s no storm, no water, no screams. He’s in his room in the mansion and his mother and Walter are looking at him like they don’t recognize him. He scared them. It dawns on him what he almost did and he starts backing away against the window, trying to make himself disappear, terrified not only of what almost happened but himself.

“I'm sorry. I'm so… I'm so sorry.” He keeps repeating. His voice is hoarse from screaming and he can’t recall the details of what happened or how he even fell asleep in the first place. He’s trembling and _what is wrong with him? Did he almost kill his own mother?_ He’s aware he’s not a good person but he never thought he’d turn out to be the kind of monster that’d hurt his own family. _Stay away from me_ , he wants to say but the words are stuck in his throat.

Moira reaches her hand out. She wants to touch him but she’s scared it will spook him even further.  Her heart breaks at seeing the desolation on her son’s face and she promises herself that starting tomorrow she’ll figure out the best way to help him. “It's ok, Oliver. It's all right, sweetheart. You're home. You're home.”

Except he isn’t and Oliver doesn’t know how to tell her that.

 

<->

 

She has a plan. She knows it’s not a good plan and it could backfire greatly, but it’s the only one she’s been able to come up with that has even a 5% chance of working or getting her anywhere.

Years ago, before she had Connor, Queen Consolidated demonstrated an interest in hiring her to the point she got an offer before she even graduated. She thought about accepting but ultimately declined it when she found out she was pregnant, not only because it was Oliver _Queen_ ’s baby she was expecting but because she had a plan that didn’t involve an 8 to 5 job anymore.

She knows how good she is. If there’s something she’s never doubted in her life is what she can do with a computer. She started making a name for herself as soon as she started MIT and it’s been paying off since then. She’s one of the best, if not _the_ best at what she does and it has allowed her not only the chance to see her son grow up but accommodate her workload as needed now that she’s been needing to dedicate more time to her son’s care.

Since then Walter Steele himself has tried to persuade her to work for QC and when he realized she wouldn’t budge, he started trying to hire her to design software meant to be used in QC’s headquarters and all its subsidiaries around the world. It is a lot of money, the kind of money that would pay for Connor’s education from private school, if she chooses to enroll him in one, to an Ivy League college. It’s never felt right for her to accept it, not until she comes clean to the Queens about Connor, but Mr. Steele has made it clear from time to time that it’s a standing offer.

Her plan is simple. She’s going to call his executive assistant first thing in the morning and schedule an appointment under the pretense of finally being interested in accepting his offer but wanting to discuss it in more detail. Only she will not be discussing a possible job, she’ll be taking advantage of the fact Mr. Steele is now married to Moira Queen to talk about Connor.

 _Oh my god!_ The more she goes over it, the worst she feels. She’s an awful person. Walter Steele has been nothing but nice to her and this is how she’s going to repay him.

Unfortunately, feeling like the worst person in the world is not enough to change her mind. She needs an in that doesn’t consist of her stalking one of the Queens around town trying to get around their security and this is the only one she has… so she’s going to take it and hope for the best.

 

<->

 

When she called first thing the next morning and tells Mr. Steele’s EA who she is, she gets transferred immediately to the man himself and he sounds so excited… well, not excited excited like _woo hoo PARTY_ , but it is clear he’s pleased to know she’s finally willing to discuss his proposal instead of turning it straight down. He informs her that if she is available today he has an opening at 1 p.m. and she should come to QC so they could discuss further details.

The fact he didn’t hesitate to schedule a meeting so fast makes her feel remorseful but she is determined this is the way it has to be.

So here she is.

On the front steps of QC dressed in her best business attire with the Connor Files in her purse ready to do this.

If she doesn’t succumb to a panic attack first, which she is not going to because she can do this. She _needs_ to do this. It’s only Walter Steele and he’s always been nothing but nice to her. Also from what she’s seen, he is the least intimidating member of the Queen/Steele family.

_So do not panic. Do not panic. Deep breathes. In. Out. In. Out._

The alarm she set on her phone earlier interrupts her mental pep talk and lets her know there’s fifteen minutes until her appointment with Walter. She starts making her way to the front doors to go through security. The number of reporters and paparazzi close by would spook her if she wasn’t aware that they are waiting for a sight of Oliver Queen himself. Since he got home the only picture of him was a blurry shot someone managed to get with a cell phone when he was leaving the hospital through a private set up. Apparently security had been so tight no paparazzi or reporter was able to spot any Queen family member. 

As security scans her in she lets her thoughts drift again. She hopes she’s able to protect Connor from this kind of public exposure. No boy deserves to have cameras shoved in his face because of who his father is. While waiting for the elevator she tries to focus. She needs to tell her story and convince them to help. She thinks they’ll want to. Connor may be a surprise but she can’t imagine they’d turn away when he clearly needs help.

Arriving at the executive floor she makes her way to Mr. Steele’s executive assistant’s desk. It’s all glass, no walls, and if she lets a whimper escape her mouth when she sees Oliver and Moira Queen inside his office then no one can really blame her, right?

She wanted an in. Well, she’s pretty sure she just got the jackpot equivalent of a sport's metaphor she has no knowledge of but is almost sure exists.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you made it this far, thank you for reading. I hope it made sense and though any kind of feedback is appreciated, I was always of the stance that kindness is key.  :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a broken record but THANK YOU SO MUCH, from the bottom of my heart for all the feedback you guys have given me. It always makes my day when I get an e-mail saying someone commented or left kudos on this story!  
> In this fic Diggle and Carly never had feelings for each other or will get together. I love Diggle but getting with his brother’s widow is a big NO in my book. There’s also the fact I love Lyla and Dyla!
> 
> I planned on updating last week but besides not being the fastest writer and real life getting in the way, I had some serious writer’s block with two scenes I planned to add to this chapter, but scrapped in the end, for now anyway. 
> 
> I usually plan my chapters from their end scene first and then add the first scene and start writing the in between, which sounds great until I sit down to write and scenes start snowballing or coming up as I go, which is another reason it took me a while to finish this. I knew the ending but then the beginning came out of nowhere and it just grew to the point where I present you with an almost 11K words chapter… I hope you enjoy it!

_A little over five years ago…_

After all those years living in Boston with its snowy and white winters, Felicity had forgotten how the Vegas heat could be so unforgivable in the end of August.

Whereas in Boston the weather’s started getting colder and windy for the fall season, Vegas is still in full summer mode, the heat burning her skin and making her feel all sweaty and itchy as she climbs up the stairs to her mother’s apartment – she also misses her second floor dorm room more than ever, climbing four flights of stairs in this heat is bad enough, but for someone like her who has _zero_ muscles in her body and can’t get through five pushups without feeling like she’s dying, this is the definition of torture.

Since arriving in Vegas in July after graduating with her master’s in Cyber Security and Computer Sciences from MIT, Felicity’s days are a mix of doing freelance work and planning her next steps. The options are plenty, with Queen Consolidated, Wayne Enterprises, KORD Industries and even Star Labs, who isn’t at all focused on computer sciences, vying for her attention but every time she thinks she finally made a decision, one of them ups their offer.

Ranking second place at the National Information Technology competition gave her a lot of exposure and no matter how grateful she is for it; the stress is driving her crazy. She has spreadsheets upon spreadsheets comparing every aspect of each company, their city, their CEO’s and she may have hacked into their servers… she needed to know which one had the worst one, okay? She couldn’t make this kind of choice without knowing possible opportunities for herself, since no company in their right mind would go around saying how _not_ good their IT department was.

Opening the door and making her way to the kitchen for a cold glass of water, she sees a note on the counter, meaning her mom already left for work and she probably won’t like whatever she has written down. Their relationship is complicated, always has been, since before her father left. They’ve never had much in common and their views on life never aligned much, or at all.

One of the reasons she picked a school so far away from home and studied so hard was because she never wanted to become her mom. After pouring some water in a glass, she makes her way to the couch with the note in hand. Scanning its contents she gives herself a mental fist bump for getting it right.

_Dear Felicity,_

_I was going to text you, but you know how I get confused with tech thingies, so note it is._

_You haven’t been out since you got here and I worry. You’re young sweetie, so you should try to enjoy life while you can. I know the Cooper thing really hurt you, but don’t close yourself off, life’s so short honey._

_I thought you could use a night out in the town, have some drinks, maybe flirt with some men and have fun. I know you’d have said no if you knew but I bought you a dress. I know, I know… you said you never wanted another dress from me after the one I got you for your high school graduation – though I still think you could’ve rocked it even with your goth look, but I promise this one is more you than me. It’s on your bed._

_If not for me, than do it for yourself._

_Celebrate your graduation! I know you haven’t decided where you’re going next, but you have so many doors open baby and I couldn’t be more proud._

_Have fun!_

_Love,_

_Mom xoxoxo_

_Ps: I also left some condoms behind... I mean better safe than sorry, right? ;) (That’s a winky face in case you didn’t know!)_

Felicity groans as she throws the letter to the side. Her mom not only got her a dress after the high disaster, and it _was_ a disaster – no matter what her mother claims. A cleavage bearing, backless, silver dress that barely went past her tights was _not_ appropriate attire for a high school graduation taking place at two in the afternoon. Or any high school graduation.

The condoms are another thing entirely. She’s not a virgin and has no shame about her sexual needs, even if there’s been no one since Cooper, but her mother buying her condoms is a bit much considering they’re not close, and the one sex talk they had when Felicity was 13 ended with her mom going into way too much detail about her own sex life, still giving Felicity nightmares when she thinks about it. Not to say she does, but sometimes she can’t control her brain and things simply pop up out of nowhere.

But she’s right. Since she got here Felicity has done nothing but work and stress over her options, most times taking some of her frustrations out on her mother, who surprisingly has not been as overbearing about Felicity’s choice to stay single until now. Of course, she’d make some comments here and there, but today’s the first time Donna has been so to the point and it’s not like she’s wrong.

_Oh geez!_ She must be really out of it to be considering her mother’s suggestion. As she enters her room and makes her way towards her bed, what she sees surprises her _in a good way._

Her mother was serious.

The dress is more Felicity than Donna and she likes it.

A lot.

The clock’s marking 6 p.m. and if she hurries she can be ready and out of the house in 45 minutes, an hour tops. Without giving herself time to question how good of an idea this really is, Felicity makes her way to the bathroom to shower and start getting ready.

_It’s one night, and just because she’s going out doesn’t mean she has to hook up or even talk to anyone. A nice glass of wine somewhere other than the couch and, if she can manage not to be recognized, a round of poker or two sounds pretty damn wonderful right now_ , she thinks while turning the shower knob. 

 

<->

 

Oliver’s been in Las Vegas for a whole of two hours and he’s already feeling much better than when he was in Starling City.

He can finally breathe.

He dropped out of his fourth college at the end of last semester, and his parents have been on his back about his future, the “family legacy” and how he’s “a Queen and needs to start acting as one” every minute of every single day he’s been home, which means he’s been spending as much time as he can out of the house and away from them.

He mostly goes out with his best friend Tommy Merlyn or takes Speedy, his little sister, out to do whatever she feels like. Thea’s the best thing in his life and being away from her is hard. He may be a spoiled frat boy, but Thea is the one person who he’ll always protect and make time for.

He and Laurel broke up again weeks ago. She said she thought it was time for them to take the next step and move in together and Oliver can still say he’s never felt _less_ desire to do anything than move in with his forever on/off girlfriend at the time, and that’s counting continuing the “family legacy” as his parents put it, by getting a business degree, a MBA and becoming Queen Consolidated’s CEO after his dad retires.

He’s way too young to settle down and, no matter how happy it’d make his parents, being tied down is not in his plans.

Not that he _has_ any plans but giving up his freedom is a big no.

Why be with one woman when he can have tons of them?

Oliver’s well aware of the kind of boyfriend he was and, while he knows his faults, he can’t feel too broken up about it. Laurel knew who he was when they got together and she still wanted him back after all the times he cheated on her. He may have felt something for her, but nothing worth of changing his ways for.

And that brings him to the Bellagio in Las Vegas, his favorite place in the city.

He needed a break from his parents and his ex-girlfriend. _Who knew saying no to moving in together and her breaking up with him wouldn’t be the end of it?_ At this point he’s almost sure the only reason Laurel keeps insisting on making their relationship work when it’s clear it won’t, is because she wants the benefits the Queen name will bring her, but he’s tired of the back and forth so he boarded the QC jet and came to Vegas to play some poker, waste some money, drink and meet a girl or two.

_It’s a shame Tommy got stuck in Starling with his dad_ , he thinks as he signals the bartender for another drink.

He’s here to have fun and it’s time to get on that.

 

<->

 

Felicity may be confident enough to hack government databases daily, but she’s never used her fake I.D. before and she may be a _little_ nervous.

No matter her insistence, her mother got her one for her 19th birthday, though she kept it buried in the middle of her clothes. Until now.

The casino at the Bellagio is pretty crowded for a Thursday evening and she can feel her hands start to sweat just by imagining how mortifying it’d be for her to be thrown out for using a fake I.D _._

_You can’t think like that._ _If you’re going to be convincing you have to believe it. So breathe, you can do this_ , she muses as she makes her way to the bar.

The dress she’s wearing is a deep forest green color which hugs her in all the right places, stopping at the top of her thighs and, while it doesn’t show any cleavage, her back is half bare. Felicity can’t remember the last time she dressed up for anything other than graduation. Until nine months ago her entire wardrobe consisted of black baggy pants, black tops and military boots with touches of purple here and there along with really dark make up to go with it.

But after the Cooper fiasco she needed a change. Dying her hair blonde and getting a new, colorful wardrobe was a hasty decision, but one she loves so far. She’s forgone her glasses and her make up is done in light tones while her lips are a bright pink (thanks to YouTube tutorials) and her hair is down and curled.

Felicity makes her way to a stool closer to the end of the bar but not close to the restrooms or kitchen – she doesn’t want too much attention, but she’s also not looking to be the weird chick that comes to one of the best spots in town and chooses the restroom/kitchen doors as her preferred place.

As soon as she sits down the bartender makes his way over and she orders a glass of red wine. She’s not big on beer and it’s still too early for tequila shots. He looks at her for a second longer than normal and she’s sure he’s going to card her and then kick her out, but he winks instead and tells her the first one is on the house.

_Okay then…_

That went way better than expected and she feels herself relax. She notices most people are dressed in suits and work clothes and she starts feeling a bit out of place. Her dress is more nightclub on Saturday night than happy hour in the middle of a working week, but she’s here now and it is what it is.

On the other side of the casino she can see the poker and blackjack tables starting to fill up quickly and, while she hasn’t been _officially_ banned from the Bellagio like she’s been from the Caesars or the Venetian or the MGM Grand or basically every popular tourist casino in Vegas… she’d rather try her luck now than later when the stakes get higher and security gets tighter.

Even if she’s not trying to make money off some unsuspecting person like when she was younger, she also knows that if they recognize her it’d be a one way trip to the curb, regardless of her innocence this time. Picking up her wine glass, she takes a sip, gets up and starts making her way over to a poker table.

 

 <->

 

While Oliver knows he isn’t sober anymore, he’s also aware he’s not drunk yet. He’s in that middle, happy stage where he’s self-aware enough to know he should start thinking about stop playing since he’s lost way over $50.000 dollars already, but intoxicated enough that he feels it’s not that big of a deal. It’s not like he needs the money or it will be missed anyway.

He enjoys talking a big game, but he’s a pretty sucky poker player. Although it doesn’t seem to matter to the brunette who’s been passing by the table and looking directly at him every couple minutes, or the redhead across him that has no idea what she’s doing but doesn’t seem to care. She’s more interested in pulling her dress down to give him a better view of her boobs while giggling every time he looks her way.

The dealer is collecting the cards to shuffle again and asking if anyone wants to buy out when an older gentlemen makes an affirmative noise, but he stops paying them any attention when he catches a flash of green turning the corner and coming their way.

It’s a woman and she is simply stunning. Not his usual type, but stunning nonetheless. A petite blonde wearing a body hugging green dress that is short, but not that revealing with black heels that makes her legs look _amazing_ , and when he sees her looking for an open spot he can’t help but wish she picks his table.

She does.

She turns to hang her bag at the corner of the chair and he swears the whole table can hear the way he swallows air. Her dress leaves half of her back exposed and while it’s far from the most revealing thing he’s seen, the way she looks in it takes his breath away for a second or two.

For the next half an hour he has no idea of what he’s doing, which is bad when he considers the amount of money he’s already lost, but he can’t take his eyes off her.

The way she bites her bottom lip when first turning her cards over, or the way her eyes lit up when she wins and fist bumps air, letting a tiny “Yes!” escape her every time she manages to win, before a blush covers her cheeks.

She’s won every hand since she sat down, and while he thinks nothing of it, he can see the dealer starting to eye her suspiciously. She appears to notice it too and asks to buy out after another round, where she, strangely, ends up losing.

When she gets up and starts making her way towards the bar, he stands up before realizing it and asks to be bought out also.

He can feel the disappointment around the table, probably because he’s been here for two hours and basically hemorrhaging money, but he’s intrigued and though the redhead is hot and the brunette is exactly his type, it’s the blonde who caught his eye tonight.

“Hey, wait up!” Oliver says and everyone but _her_ actually turns to look at him. He ignores them and starts walking faster to catch up. _Who knew someone so tiny could walk so fast in heels?_ He thinks as he finally catches up, touches her upper arm as he says “Hey! Can I buy you a drink?” before letting go. He is no creep after all.

Felicity jumps a bit as she turns to look at whoever came after her. She knew she shouldn’t have played and tested her luck, but it’s been ages and it looked so _fun_.

_Well, now you’ll be kicked out and banned for life… happy?_ That quippy voice in her head who reminds her of her Goth self says.

As soon as she noticed the dealer giving her a double glance, she decided to lose the next hand, buy out and get another drink before leaving to avoid raising anymore suspicions.

Except it’s not a security guard after her, it’s _Oliver Queen_ , who was sitting at the same table as her, and losing spectacularly, but is now standing before her with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face. She knew who he was the moment she sat down. Everyone knows who the infamous Oliver Queen is, and though his haircut is too frat boy for her tastes, she can’t deny he’s hot. _So hot_. And apparently waiting for her to open her mouth and say something.

“Oh! Hi!” For a genius she really sucks at verbal communication.

He doesn’t seem fazed by her lack of eloquence as he grins at her and says, “Hi, so can I buy you a drink…?”

“Felicity. Yeah. I mean, yes.” It escapes her mouth before she can stop it. She shouldn’t be considering, much less going along with this. She knows Oliver Queen doesn’t have the best reputation with women and she may start working for his family’s company in a few months’ time, but his voice is making her insides tingle a little and it’s been so long since she felt anything but indifference towards a guy that she doesn’t _want_ to turn him down, even if her brain is telling her she _should_.

“Felicity.” He repeats as if testing it and she likes the way he makes it sound.

One drink couldn’t hurt, right?

It wouldn’t hurt.

But it _would_ change her life.

 

<->

 

_Present day_

Felicity needs to think quickly.

The fact she managed bump into Oliver and his mother in an almost private environment with Walter there to, hopefully, convince them she’s not a psycho in the event Oliver has no idea of who she is, and at least hear her out is the kind of luck she’s been wishing for since Connor was diagnosed.

The best course of action is to speak with all three of them, together. Its way more terrifying than what she prepared for, but it will up her chances. If at least one of them doesn’t dismiss her immediately then she can explain enough to get them to look at the Connor files.

“Miss Smoak?”

Felicity’s been way too focused on her thoughts to notice the poor secretary trying to get her attention.

“Miss Smoak?”

Snapping herself out of it and turning away from the view of Oliver, Mrs. Queen and Walter, she replies “Oh. Hi. Sorry. I’m here to see Mr. Steele but you know that already… because security called before letting me up…” Her hands are moving all over the place while she’s talking and she needs to get a grip of herself.

Connor’s counting on her.

The older lady apparently decides to take pity on her and kindly replies “Mr. Steele is just finishing up with Mr. and Mrs. Queen and he will see you in a minute. Would you like something to drink?” She asks.

“No, thank you.” Drinking any more coffee is a bad idea. She’s jumpy enough as it is.

Before she can mull a way to include Oliver and Mrs. Queen on her previous plan, she hears Walter’s office door open and the three people she’s banking her son’s future on walk out of it.

“We will see you for dinner then Walter.” Felicity hears someone, who she assumes can only be Moira Queen by the feminine voice, say.

_Yep._ _That’s the Queen matriarch alright!_ She confirms as she turns in their direction. She also thinks she looks like a deer caught in headlights, but before she can gather herself enough to conceal it, Walter turns in her direction.

“Of course, my dear. Before you and Oliver leave, let me introduce you to someone. I know I’ve told you a lot about her and we may finally be able to get a partnership between her and Queen Consolidated’s IT department. She’s possibly the most brilliant young woman I know. ” Walter replies before turning to Felicity.

_Oh! He wants to introduce_ me _to Mrs. Queen. And he’s singing my praises while this whole meeting is a front so I can talk to his stepson and wife instead. This is awful, but way too much luck in one day at the same time,_ Felicity ponders to herself.

“Ms. Smoak, hello. How are you?” Walter asks.

“Oh. Hi, Mr. Steele. I’m fine, you?” Her voice comes out pitchy but she was actually able to form words, no matter how simple, so she counts that as Felicity 1, awkwardness 0.

Walter turns to Moira and Oliver as he says, “Moira, this is Ms. Smo-“

“Felicity?”

The first thought to pop into Felicity’s mind is that - _Well, Oliver apparently does remember her!_

 

<->

 

_He does not get paid enough to deal with a hangover fifteen year old heiress,_ John Diggle ponders as he pulls out the driveway of the Queen Mansion and starts driving towards the city.

He started working for the Queen family about six months ago as the mansion’s head of security and, on occasion, Thea Queen’s bodyguard/driver. It’s not what he imagined doing when he came back from his tours, but it’s a stable, well-paying job and Thea is mostly a nice girl when she’s not drinking or skipping school.

Right now the girl is nursing a hangover that, apparently, not even the sunglasses covering half of her face seem to be helping keep the sunlight away by the discontent and pained noises coming from the backseat.

He’d feel a bit more sympathetic if she wasn’t skipping school as a result and if this wasn’t becoming a recurring thing, but no matter how much he tries to point the young girl in the right direction, his job is still to follow her whims, unless her mother says otherwise.

Moira Queen is well aware of everything that happens regarding her daughter, but seems unable to actually be a parent by imposing limits. John can only hope now that Oliver Queen is back that things may change.

John hasn’t had a chance or reason to talk to the man yet, but he’s sure Mr. Queen is going to have a hard time adjusting back. From what he’s heard from the news and the little Raisa’s told him happened to Oliver Queen during his time away, the man’s got a long road ahead of him.

Oliver Queen may not be returning from an official war, but John has no doubt his five years away have been far from peaceful.

He takes a turn and parks the car inside Big Belly Burger’s parking lot. The first time he drove an intoxicated Thea Queen home after a night out, he decided she needed some food in order to not get sick on the drive home, so he took her to the Big Belly his sister-in-law works at and since then Thea always asks for a Big Buster combo when nursing a hangover.

“We’re here, sunshine.” He tells the teenager that is currently lying down on the backseat and trying to hide her head between the cushions.

“Argh...” Is the only reply he gets from her.

“Come on, Thea! You won’t be able to eat that Big Buster combo with fries and a milkshake if you don’t get out of this car…”

“Grr… can’t you just go and buy it for me, please Dig?” Thea asks without moving from her current position, so it comes out muffled by the leather seat.

If she wasn’t skipping school, he probably would, but since she is, there’s no way he will. “Nope. Let’s go! Besides, some fresh air will do you a lot of good.” He replays before climbing out of the car and moving to open Thea’s door.

He also suspects most of her pain is for show to try and get him to do what she wants. He fell for that way too many times in the beginning for it to be effective now.

It takes another five minutes before Thea actually moves, and as soon as they enter she goes straight for the booth in the back.

Except there’s someone already sitting there, a tiny someone who looks entranced by his –

“Are those engines?” Thea interrupts his thoughts, but the little boy is way too focused to pay them any mind.

“Hi. Hello?” The little boy looks no older than five, but he appears to actually know what he’s doing and it’s piqued her curiosity. Her hangover may be making her feel like she’s dying, but her curiosity may _actually_ kill her. “Hi, what are you doing?”

As the boy finally snaps out of his little bubble and looks up, Diggle instantly recognizes him as AJ’s friend Connor, the one who is currently battling leukemia. He’s met his mom, Felicity, a couple times when he was at Carly’s place, or went to pick AJ up from a playdate. She’s a nice young woman, and as he spots Carly behind the counter and no sign of Felicity, he realizes he’s probably here so his mom can run some errands. He’s aware Felicity is a single mom and, from the times they’ve met, he came to admire her strength. It must be hard to be doing this alone, but she always has a smile on her face and love for her son bursting from her.

“Mr. Dig, hi!” Connor says and he puts the engines he was holding down and waves at him before offering his hand for a handshake. The little boy is so young but his manners are way beyond his years.

“Hi, Connor! How are you today?” John replies while shaking his tiny hand. He looks paler and thinner than when John last saw him a couple weeks ago and he can’t help but worry.

“You know him, Dig?” Thea asks as she looks between them.

As if realizing there’s someone he doesn’t know close, Connor turns to Thea and offers his hand again while saying, “Hello. I’m Connor. Connor Smoak and you are?”

If Thea is surprised by Connor’s politeness, she doesn’t let it show as she shakes his hand before replaying, “Hi, Connor. My name is Thea Queen. Do you mind if I seat with you?”

“Mommy says not to talk to strangers… but if Mr. Dig knows you then okay, you can sit with me.” Connor says with a serious face on as he looks at Diggle for confirmation that Thea’s trustworthy.

Diggle nods as he decides there’s no harm in letting Thea keep Connor company as he goes say hi to Carly and order them both some food. “I’ll be back soon then. Same as always Thea?” Giving him a thumbs up, Thea turns a 100% of her attention to Connor. It appears a smart kid may be enough to make Thea Queen snap out of her hangover pity party.

Thea is the first one to admit she doesn’t have a lot of experience on how to deal with little boys or children in general, but this little boy and his clearly advanced for his age assembling activity, called to her. “So, what are you working on Connor?” She questions as she picks up some small parts she can’t identify but were scattered around the table.

“I’m building a motor boat, Ms. Thea.” Connor answers as he points to some of the pieces on the table and what appears to be an instruction manual.

“You don’t need to call me Ms. Thea, just Thea is more than fine Connor. And that sounds really cool but don’t you find it hard?” Just looking at the pictures on Connor’s book is making her head spin a bit, or that may be her hangover, she can’t be sure.

“Well, some of it is hard, but mommy helps with what I can’t understand on my own. Mommy says I’m really smart and may be even smarter than her and since she’s a genius than it means I’m really, really smart. But she says not to go around saying that because people may think I’m showing off even if I don’t mean to. When I used to go to school, I found everything really boring because it was too easy, but now that I don’t go anymore she just teaches me better stuff and this boat is our fun project and something I’m still allowed to do. I don’t have all the parts with me here because it was too much to carry, but I think I’m really close to making it work… but I think I’ll need mommy’s help to finish this piece.” He says without taking a breath and Thea is surprised he doesn’t appear to feel even a bit breathless from this A+ ramble, especially since he’s a pretty small kid.

“Ow wow! I’m impressed. How old are you?”

“Four and a half… I’ll be five in April.”

“So you’re a big boy now, huh?”

“That’s what I keep telling mommy but she still won’t let me stay up late!”

“Oh well, staying up late isn’t much fun, so you’re not missing anything.” She _may_ be telling a little white lie to the kid, but at his age staying up late may _sound_ fun and be the end all be all, but there’s not much to actually _do._ “Does your mommy work here, Connor?”

“Nope! Mommy works from home but she had a meeting today so Ms. Carly, who is my friend AJ’s mommy is looking after me for a bit.”

“What about your daddy?”

If it wasn’t for the slightly hesitation of his hands movements, Thea wouldn’t be able to tell her question touched a delicate subject from Connor’s tone.

“Mommy says he became an angel so he could protect and look after me.” His little face looks a bit closed off and Thea can swear she’s seen that look somewhere before.

Before she can answer, Diggle is back with their orders in to go bags and she can see from the look on his face he caught the end of her and Connor’s conversation.

“Thea, I got our food to go. Are you ready?” Dig asks.

She wants to question why they’re in to go bags when he said not even 20 minutes ago that some air would be good for her, but she changes her mind when he gives her a warning look. “Hmm, yeah. I’m ready!” Turning to Connor, who seems to be unbothered by Diggle’s interruption and back to assembling his boat parts, she says “Connor, it was really nice to meet you and I hope you make your boat work soon.”

“You too and I hope so too, Thea. Bye!” He briefly looks up to acknowledge her and Diggle with a small nod of his head and a wave before going back to his boat.

“Bye Connor!” They both reply before making their way back to the parked car.

As they both get comfortable and start digging into their food, Thea can’t keep quiet any longer. “Dig, is there a reason we’re eating in the car instead of one of the nice tables inside?” she questions as she munches on a dipped in her milkshake french fry.

John swallows before answering, “I don’t think you can tell just from looking at him, but Connor is sick so he can’t eat most of the items in the Big Belly menu…”

“Sick? Like as in a stomach bug?”

“No. He’s got some type of child leukemia and his diet is super restricted these days because of his treatments from what Carly’s told me, so I didn’t want to dangle a bunch of things he can’t eat in front of him if I could help it. Kid’s going through a tough enough time without having to see other people enjoy things he can’t.”

“Oh. That fucking sucks and don’t mind my French!” As she looks at her French fry, Thea’s suddenly not that hungry anymore. “So that’s why he said he _used_ to go to school?”

“Yeah, he and my nephew met on the first day of school and became friends, but his mother had to take him out because he was too sick to go. She probably had a last minute meeting and had to ask Carly to keep an eye on him. She tries to avoid going to places he can’t enjoy anymore these days because it makes him sad and the kid needs more reasons to smile, not frown.”

“Yeah…” Putting her food down, Thea suddenly realizes that her complaining about her hangover seems stupid and meaningless when that little boy may not get better at all.

Life sucks, and that’s _not_ the angsty teenager in her talking.

 

<->

 

“Oliver, hi!” She squeaks. Legit squeaks and Moira Queen, who seemed friendly not two seconds ago, now appears less than impressed by her. She really hoped to make a better first impression but can’t say she’s surprised it didn’t happen.

“I didn’t know you knew my stepson, Ms. Smoak.” Walter says while Moira Queen looks between her and Oliver as if she already knows exactly _how_ they know each other, and if she wasn’t right, Felicity would actually be slightly offended.

“We met years ago in Vegas before I… went away.” Oliver says flippantly, as if it’s a common occurrence for him to bump into old flings while his mother is beside him or mention the time he spent stranded on an island like it was a planned vacation instead. He appears unfazed, and if it wasn’t for the flick of recognition and something else she can’t pinpoint in his eyes, Felicity would question whether he actually knows her as _Felicity_ or just as one of his many flings from years ago. Also, has his voice always been so _detached?_ She wonders.

“I see.” Moira says.

Felicity swears no two words ever held so much meaning before or had so much left unsaid. The silence that falls unsettles Felicity even more. She’s never been good with them or uncomfortable situations in general. She decides to bite the bullet in the head.

“First, let me say how sorry I am for this Mr. Steele. I can’t apologize enough, especially since you’ve always been so nice to me, but the reason I came today is because there’s something I need to speak to Oliver and Mrs. Queen about.  I never intended to discuss your business proposal, even if I’m so grateful for it. I just needed to find a way to contact them and you were my best option.” She can tell she’s speaking too fast, to the point most people would consider this a babble, and her words make her cringe but even her genius intellect didn’t allow her to plan a delicate manner to approach the situation. “I only need ten minutes of your time, Oliver. Please.” She turns to the man in question as she feels Mrs. Queen’s eyes burn the side of her head. “Yours and Mr. Steele’s too of course, Mrs. Queen.” She adds quickly as she directs her attention to Moira.

“What exactly do you need my son’s time for, Ms. Smoak? Or anyone from my family really?” Moira Queen inquires before Oliver himself can say anything. Felicity is starting to think she not only made a bad first impression, but a _terrible_ one. The Queen matriarch really sounds as if she has as much interest in what Felicity has to say as she’d have in talking to a homeless person in the middle of the street.

“Mom, that’s enough.” Oliver steps in. He looks as if he’s searching for the best way to say what he wants, weighting his words and the look on his face reminds Felicity of Connor so much she can’t get herself to look away from his face. “Of course we can talk, Felicity. It’s no problem.”

“I think we should go into my office. This sounds like a private matter.” Walter interjects as Felicity finally looks away from Oliver’s face under Moira’s watchful eyes.

The fact Walter is still helping her makes Felicity feel even more terrible about deceiving him, but she’s extremely grateful at the same time.

Seeing as Oliver and Walter are humouring Ms. Smoak, Moira decides it’s better to hear what she has to say instead of risking a scene in the middle of Queen Consolidated’s executive floor, even if Walter’s secretary and the two security guards close to the elevators are the only ones around.

Walter leads the way to his office and after they all step inside, Oliver closes the door behind them. There are four chairs and a center table by the floor to ceiling glass windows and, as Moira and Walter sit down on the ones in one side from the table, Felicity sits opposite them and closer to the door. She can’t explain it, but she has a feeling Oliver would prefer the chair closer to the window.

As she moves her purse to her lap, Felicity realizes her hands are trembling. None of the scenarios in her head prepared her for this situation and its nerve wrecking. She’s biting her bottom lip so hard in order to avoid blurting it all out in one go, she’s afraid she’s going to draw blood.

The other three occupants turn to look at her, and as all of the attention in the room is focused on her, she reminds herself of why she’s here to begin with.

This is her best shot.

Connor’s counting on her.

She can’t let her awkwardness and nerves mess it up.

“What is it you need to talk to me… us about, Felicity?” Oliver questions. His voice isn’t exactly _warm_ , but the detachment bordering on coldness from earlier is gone. He’s trying to make her feel comfortable, even if he looks out of his depth doing it.

Taking a deep breath, she opens her purse and takes the almost 200 pages folder out. “These” She starts as she points to the file in her hands. “…are the Connor Files. Connor is his name. Connor Jonas Smoak. I thought it’d be a nice way to give you two a connection, using your middle name you know, since you were dead. I mean, you drowned.” Felicity closes her eyes for a second… this is going badly if the look on Oliver, Walter and Mrs. Queen’s faces are any indication. “But that’s not the point or what I’m here to talk about. The Connor Files is just the name I gave it in my head, well, not just my head since it’s the name I used on my computer too, but it’s because I’m a X-Files fan. Mulder and Scully, you know.” At the blank faces staring back at her, Felicity swallows. They make no move to interrupt her or, worse, kick her out of the building, so decides to change her tactics.

Opening the folder, she takes the most recent picture she put in it out. Maybe having real evidence will help them understand what she’s doing a poor job of explaining so far. If they can _see_ how much her son looks like Oliver. “I’m sorry. I babble when I’m nervous.” Taking a moment to center herself, Felicity runs her free hand from the top of her head to the end of her ponytail as she turns Connor’s picture towards the three people in the room. “This is him. Connor.” She can see the minute the pieces fall into place for Moira Queen as she lets out a gasp when her eyes land on the picture in Felicity’s hand. “My son. Our son, Oliver.” And then as Oliver and Walter realize what she’s been trying to say all along. Using it as encouragement, she keeps going, “He’s four and half years old. And so smart and kind and not to brag, but perfect. And he needs your help.” Her voice falters and she pauses. The hard part is still coming and the words seem to have left Felicity when she needs them the most.

Back to her poised self, Moira stares at Felicity, giving nothing way as she says, “I cannot deny the resemblance to my own son when he was little.” She pauses before continuing. “As I’m sure you understand we are going to need more evidence than a picture, especially if it is money you’re after.” If she hadn’t lost her composure when first seeing Connor’s picture, no one would be able to tell Moira’s talking about her possible grandson right now.

Felicity cuts her off when the meaning of Moira’s last sentence catches up to her. “No. No. No. I don’t want your money. That’s not why I’m here.”

“Then what _is_ it you want?” This time it’s Oliver who speaks, after a brief moment of silence, and his voice is back to the detached tone from before and his ability to go from one extreme to another catches her off guard as she opens and closes her mouth twice before Walter takes pity on her and steps in.

“I think what we are wondering, is why now Ms. Smoak?” Walter questions. “I do believe you when you say you’re not doing this for money, but your timing is definitely… not the best, let’s put it that way.”

She stills herself; _it’s now or never_ , and says it all on the same breath “Connor is sick. He has leukemia and according to his doctors, his only hope of getting better is a bone marrow transplant” She can feel her throat closing up, except now is _not_ the time lose it, so she ignores it and goes on, her voice wavering, “…and I’m not a match or my mom or any of my friends. I was already planning on coming to you Mrs. Queen because the chance is small for non-siblings/parents relatives to turn out to be a match, but it’s there so I was going to ask for your help. Then Oliver was found and his chances are much higher and I’m sorry to just spring this on you. All of you” she says looking at Oliver, “ …especially after everything you and your family’s been through in the last five years, but time is of essence, and this is basically my son’s last hope, therefore I need to make sure I exhaust all his options.” She ignores the lump in her throat and the moisture in her eyes.

Felicity is not surprised by the silence that falls over the room. What she’s just told them is far from good news and being a bit too stunned to speak at first is a reaction she knows all too well. “There’s some of Connor’s hair in this folder.” She moves to place it on the table between them. “But I will provide a sample of his blood if you deem his hair not enough or want to be present to make sure nothing’s tempered with, for any DNA tests you need, of course, but all the information you may want or need is here: birth certificate, medical records and such. Just _please_ don’t write my son off before you at least look through these files and think about it.”

The sudden ringing of a phone startles them all, except for Oliver who looks as stoic as a block of concrete. He hasn’t said anything in a while and she can’t get a read on his body language besides the aforementioned block of concrete stance. The vibration coming from her purse alerts her it’s her phone that’s ringing. The same phone she put on silent before coming –

_Oh._

It’s her _other_ one, the emergencies only phone she always has on her when she’s not the one watching Connor… and it’s ringing.

_Frackity frack._

“I’m sorry.” She says as she digs through her purse for the phone. It’s never been used before and it’s freaking her out. Why is this happening today of all days? “I hmm, I need to take this. Sorry!” Pulling it out of her bag, sliding her finger across the screen and taking the phone to her ear, she answers. “Carly, hi! Is everything okay? Is Connor okay?”

The conversation is brief but it’s enough for Felicity to know she needs to leave. Now.

Ending the call, she turns to Walter first. “I’m extremely sorry for tricking you into this meeting and the pretense, Mr. Steele. I never wished to deceive you, but I couldn’t think of any other options.” She stands up, adjusting her purse on her shoulder as she turns to the barely contained shocked expression on Moira Queen’s face and to Oliver, who somehow managed to look even more stoic than before, if possible. He’s so still she questions how he can be breathing at all.

“My contact info is in there. I wish I could stay and go over it more or answer any questions you may have but I have to go.” Her desire to try and end this conversation on a good note and her need to run to her son’s side are making her feel frazzled. “I know you’re going to need time to go through the folder and even if I have no right to ask, _please_ , let me know as soon as you can about your decision.” She turns her attention entirely to Oliver as she says, “I hope you’ll find it in your heart to help our son, if not for me or you, for our little boy who deserves a chance to grow up.” She finishes pointing to Connor’s picture on top of the folder before heading for the door.

If she could stay to talk, to explain it better even, she would, but Connor needs her.

She may have stumbled, but she did what she came here to do.

As she steps inside the elevator and pushes the lobby button, she hopes it turns out to be enough. A few stray tears make their way down her face before she brushes them away.

She doesn’t have time to let her emotions get the best of her right now.

Her son is waiting for her.

Besides, it’s up to Oliver and his family to decide whether they’re willing to help or not.

 

<->

 

As the door closes behind the three of them, there’s a long silence where no one seems to know what to say or do now. How are they supposed to react to _this_ type of news?

According to Felicity Smoak, there’s a Queen heir none of them were aware of out there.

A four and half year old that shares Oliver’s DNA.

Oliver’s son.

Connor Smoak.

Connor _Jonas_ Smoak.

Moira Queen considers herself to be someone who is always one step ahead of everyone else in the room. Some would believe her to be cunning and manipulative; she sees it as being ready to protect herself and her family from unpleasant situations at any cost.

She’s not sure if this is an unpleasant turn of events per say, but it’s clear to her there’s a situation, one that needs to be dealt with the greatest care and utmost discretion. Whether Felicity Smoak is being truthful or not, there’s a lot at stake here in any case.

Oliver’s allegedly son also has leukemia.

A life threatening illness.

And he needs help.

The little boy’s pictures share a striking resemblance to Oliver when he was young, she cannot deny that, and considering his current state and the clear desperation radiating off Ms. Smoak as she fumbled through her story, Moira is almost certain she’s telling the truth and the boy is indeed Oliver’s child.

Except almost doesn’t mean it’s the concrete truth, and Moira is nothing if not through. She won’t risk her family’s future or emotional attachment on an _almost_.

Moving to stand beside her husband, she rests a hand on his arm as she says, “There are things that need to be done in order to assess this… new development and its veracity. Walter, would you mind calling Jean and letting her know we have a family matter to speak to her about and it needs to be dealt with discreetly and as soon as possible?” She does imagine his surprise at having a supposed business appointment turn into such a revelation and she can’t decide if she’s impressed Ms. Smoak pulled something like this off or weary of what else she could prove herself to be capable of.

For all his British poise, Walter feels as blindsided about the turn of events as any of them, but Moira is correct when she says there are things they need to deal with. “Surely, dear.” He replies as he moves towards his desk. He always knew Ms. Smoak to be brilliant, since before he tried to recruit her years ago when she was still a MIT student and he was aware she had a child, it just never crossed his mind her child could be a Queen. Moira may be acting as if she doesn’t believe Ms. Smoak, but he saw the way she reacted to Connor’s picture. That little boy is a Queen and he is in clear need of their help. There’s no time to waste.

“I should hire someone to look into Felicity Smoak. This family needs to be prepared in case she does turn out to be a floozy.” Moira continues as she grabs her purse and starts looking for her cell phone.

“Moira, don’t you think a private investigator is a bit much? Ms. Smoak is not someone looking to make a quick buck. She’s quite successful on her own and the only thing she came here to ask for was Oliver’s help.” Walter interjects. He understands his wife’s need to look out for her family after everything they’ve been through, but there are some lines that shouldn’t be crossed unless there are no other options.

“Walter, we know next to nothing about this woman. I understand you consider her some kind of prodigy but she made serious claims today and there can be no stone left unturned.”

Walter can tell her mind has been made up, and for now he’ll let it go. He can talk to her after she’s had some time to digest this situation.

“Oliver sweetheart, we need to arrange for a DNA test with Dr. Lamb. Do you think you could perhaps meet him at the hospital in an hour so he can draw some of your blood for testing? I can accompany you if you want, of course. The sooner we get this dealt with; the sooner we will have the answers we need in order to move forward.”

It takes Oliver awhile to realize what just happened, and when he does, there’s only his mother and Walter in the room with him. His mother is already planning the next steps and bombarding him with requests, but he can’t focus on her right now. After everything he’s seen, Oliver legitimately thought nothing could pull the rug from underneath him anymore.

As he often realizes, he’s wrong. Again.

He needs to get out of there.

He feels he’s going to suffocate, as if the walls are closing around him.

He needs to burn off this feeling creeping up inside him.

He needs to _think._

He needs to _move_.

He needs to be _alone._

Ignoring his mother calling his name in the midst of all this talk of calling lawyers and family doctors and private investigators, he heads straight for the door.

If he grabs one of the pictures from the huge pile of documents Felicity Smoak left behind, he’s sure no one is going to notice.

He didn’t survive five years in hell without learning a thing or two.

 

<->

 

Felicity is way too focused on getting to Connor without overthinking the situation before she sees him herself to think about what just happened in Walter’s office. If Carly thought it was serious, she’d have told Felicity so.

It’s a fever.

A 100.2F fever, which is barely considered a real fever.

Except Connor was under severe medication until 2 days ago, has leukemia and will have to start chemotherapy in the next couple of weeks.

His small body is under a lot of stress and the doctors _did_ tell her to keep an eye for anything out of the normal such as coughs, headaches, nausea, shortness of breath, swelling and possible infections.

Infections are usually fought by fevers, which is what Connor has right at this moment and _she’s not there with him._ She knows he doesn’t really complain about pain or discomfort, so what if this is something more and she gets there when it’s too late?

_Get a grip Felicity. It will do Connor no good to see you in turmoil. You also need to keep a clear head to assess the situation. It may be a simple fever and not a blown out infection... that her son’s body may not be able to properly fight. STOP. It will be fine. It has to be._

She rarely leaves Connor’s side these days, and when she does it’s always with someone she trusts.

Carly has been a big help since they met on Connor’s first school day. He and Carly’s son, AJ, became quick friends and when she had to take Connor out of school, AJ was the only friend of his that didn’t care about the fact their playdates couldn’t have a lot of running and playing around anymore, which she could not be more thankful for. No matter how much she loves Connor, she knows how important friends are when you’re young and don’t have a lot of family close.

She and Carly bonded over being single mothers, though Carly’s a widow and has her brother-in-law John around to help - they understood the struggles of raising sons that’d never get the opportunity to meet their fathers.

Although Carly works during the day at Big Belly Burger, she’s always been able to watch Connor for a couple hours if Felicity needs to go somewhere he can’t tag along, such as a meeting with QC’s CEO like today.

As soon as she walks inside Big Belly she starts scanning the place for a small blonde head of hair or Carly. She spots both in a corner booth and rushes over. She puts her bag on top of the table beside Connor’s backpack and turns to Carly, who is sitting beside Connor with an arm around him and his head propped on her shoulder.

“Hi, I’m here. Connor baby, what are you feeling?” She asks while trying not to overreact. The fact Connor is resting on Carly like that means whatever it is, is bothering him. Besides Felicity herself, he’s reached the age where he doesn’t like to be held at all.

The moment Connor hears his mother’s voice he stretches his arms out towards her and opens his previously closed eyes. “It hurts mommy.”

She can feel her stomach drop at his words but before she can panic, Carly steps in.

“I came to check on him right before I called you and he was a bit too warm so I checked his temperature and decided to call you. He’s not talking much but he did say he’s feeling a bit nauseous and his belly hurts. I also packed up his things.” Carly says as they move to trade places so Felicity can be the one holding Connor.

“Thank you Carly, for watching him and calling me. I’m sorry for getting in the way of your job. I hope you don’t get in trouble.” Felicity says.

“Don’t worry about it Felicity. Anytime you need it, I’m here. I wish I could stay but we’re about to get the after school crowd…” Carly replies.

“Of course, go! Thank you again, really.”

“Like I said, anytime.” Carly replies before leaving.

Felicity looks down at Connor who looks like he fell asleep. She can feel him trying to wrap himself around her and shivering a little, even if he’s got his hoodie on and a scarf wrapped around him – Carly’s for sure. Putting a hand against his forehead, she can tell his fever is over 100.2F. He is way too warm and the way he’s shivering against her just confirms her suspicions.

“Sweetheart, I know you want to sleep but mommy needs you to tell her exactly what you’re feeling.” She says while caressing his head and hugging him closer. She wishes she didn’t have to disturb him but she’s not taking any chances.

“Hmm… my tummy… hurts… and it’s co-old mommy…” His voice is weak, whether from tiredness or sleeplessness Felicity can’t be certain.

“Do you feel like you’re going to throw up honey?” She asks trying to coax it out of him.

“It hurts mommy.” Connor replies with a trembling voice and Felicity can just tell his eyes are welling up with tears. If her son is crying, it’s enough reason for her to take him to the hospital.

Moving to adjust Connor so she can pick him up along with her purse and his backpack, Felicity assures herself it’s not an overreaction like the last time she took him in because he was coughing after swallowing his food down the wrong pipe.

And if it _does_ turn out to be an overreaction, she’ll just be the crazy overbearing mom again.

But she can’t risk losing her son when his best shot of a cure was just made aware of his existence.

 

<->

 

_Turns out it wasn’t an overreaction after all_ , Felicity concludes as she puts Connor down in her room for the night.

The doctor said the nausea, pain and fever are side effects of Connor’s medicine. According to him, just because Connor stopped taking the drugs a couple days ago, it doesn’t mean its side effects automatically disappear. It apparently takes time for the drugs to leave his system entirely and considering Connor is still sick, it could be a combination of both at this point. Or it could be an infection his body is trying to battle.

Short version is: they can’t know for sure which one it is so they drew some of his blood for testing and said that for now there’s no need for him to be admitted and the best thing is to keep monitoring him while giving him some baby Tylenol and if it seems like he’s getting worse or if his fever doesn’t cease in the next 24h, she should come back and they will admit Connor.

The nurse told her it’s a good thing Connor hasn’t started chemotherapy yet, because then they’d have no other option but admit him right away, whether it turned out to be something more serious or not, as that’s what the hospital’s protocol dictates.

They let them leave after assuring her they’d call as soon as his blood work comes back and making sure she’ll bring him in if there aren’t any changes to his symptoms along with the regular recommendations: keep him hydrated with plenty of fluids, don’t skip any meals, make sure he always washes his hands and so on.

She’s a pro at this.

Even if she wasn’t a genius, she’d make sure to know every recommendation there is to know.

This is her baby.

As she makes her way to the bathroom for a well-deserved shower after six hours inside a hospital, she can’t help but hope that Oliver will contact her soon.

 

<->

 

Oliver knows this is so far away from appropriate he might as well say its borderline stalking, but he needs to see Connor, even if it’s from a balcony across the street from Felicity’s house in the middle of the night.

He can’t sleep for long periods of time or without nightmares, and even after working out until his lungs burned earlier he still couldn’t get himself to settle in anyhow, so climbing on his newly acquired Ducati, driving across the city and climbing a couple stores of an unknown building in order to take a peek at his recently discovered son feels pretty simple in the list of things Oliver’s done in the past five years.

Felicity Smoak is someone he didn’t realize he remembered so well until she showed up in front of him in Walter’s office. They met years ago in Vegas, spent a couple days together where talking wasn’t their priority and that was it. He was in a bad place and she made him smile, really smile. It was his last trip outside of Starling before he got on The Queen’s Gambit with his father and Sara Lance.

Shaking his head in order to avoid being sucked into bad memories, Oliver moves to left to try and get a better view of the window he suspects to be Connor’s bedroom.

Felicity was pretty shaken by the phone call she received earlier, even if she tried hard to mask it, but from the bit of conversation he caught and her rushed explanation, he knows it was about Connor.

His son.

No matter how hard it is to wrap his head around the fact he, Oliver Queen, has a living, breathing almost five year old son, he hasn’t questioned the veracity of Felicity’s claim.

Not because he knows her that well or at all since that one time in Vegas, but he’s good at reading people and knowing when they’re lying to him, which she clearly wasn’t.

The pictures she provided along with her story were more than enough to confirm everything she was saying.

Connor Jonas Smoak has his eyes, his hair, his nose, his face. The boy is a miniature of Oliver and looks just like he did when he had the same age from what he reckons from old pictures and his mother’s surprising non contained gasp earlier.

His son.

His son who is sick.

His son who has a life threating disease.

His son who needs his help for a chance to get better.

He’s in no position to be a father to anyone, much less a sick child, but he can’t deny it tugs at something inside of him to know this little boy he’s never met, may not make it to his next birthday.

This is his _son_ and though he’s not sure he deserves the privilege to be in his life, he wants to see him.

He wants to _help_.

He doesn’t know where all these feelings are coming from, but they’re strong enough to make him spy on Felicity and Connor in the middle of the night after staring at Connor’s picture for hours.

A light turns on in the window besides the one he thought to be Connor’s and, as he moves to the right, he can see Felicity, still in the same clothes from earlier, carrying a small body, Connor, inside the room towards the bed. It’s clear the little boy is asleep from the way his head rests on her shoulder and the way she moves, slowly, as if trying not to juggle him too much and wake him. He can’t see as well as he wishes from his position, but what he does see lets him know that whatever made Felicity dash out of QC earlier must have not been that serious if she’s home with Connor.

He decides to go before someone sees him – he’s good in camouflaging but he is not in Lian Yu anymore and there aren’t many options in an open balcony in the middle of Starling City, but his body stays put.

He’s been telling himself since he decided to come that his only reason to be doing this is to make sure everything is fine with Connor, which it is.

But it’s not enough.

He wants to see Connor for real and not from across the street in the middle of the night.

He wants to talk to him.

He wants to get to know him.

He has a son.

Oliver may not turn out to be the father his son wishes for or dreams about, and he may never be, but he’s the only one Connor’s got and he’s going to do whatever it takes to help him.

He wanted a reason, a purpose now that he’s home and he just found it:

Connor is his reason.

Saving his son’s life will be his purpose.

No matter the cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m aware Moira may seem a little cold here, but that’s intentional. I always thought most people were too hard on her when she’s always shown that nothing is more important to her than her family’s happiness. She has many faults, but if she was still alive, I’m sure she’d support Oliver’s relationship with Felicity a 100%, simply because it makes her son so unbelievably happy. As you can tell I adore how complex Moira is and I do plan on exploring more of that.
> 
> Thanks for reading and as always, any feedback is greatly appreciated and I apologize for the mistakes. (:
> 
> PS: I was going to post this hours ago but twitter had me spiralling! I'm on a self-imposed break right now so I can get this done.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Comes out of hiding and waves* Hi! 
> 
> I’m not going to give excuses about taking so long, y’all deserve better than that. What I can say though is that writing this has been a bit more challenging than anticipated and I’m doing my best with juggling my time (poll season has already started so that’s another thing taking up a lot of my online time).
> 
> Also, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! The feedback to the last chapter was incredible and I’m so appreciative of each and every one of you. Whether it was a comment, kudos or a single click, I just want to say that it keeps me motivated to do my best.
> 
> I’m also going to try my best to reply to your comments from now on. I feel like a general thank you isn’t enough. Although, I’m not sure how that will turn out, so we’ll see.
> 
> This chapter is also really long, over 13k. Things just snowballed and I even took some scenes out, which means I have some parts of the next semi-written.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy it!

Felicity is exhausted.

She thought she was exhausted last night when she put Connor to bed, but it’s nothing compared to this morning.

Her eyes burn just from being open, her bones ache when she moves and the five cups of coffee she’s had so far aren’t helping.

After putting a sleeping Connor down in her bed, she went to shower, and though she’d wanted to stay under the hot water for at least half an hour, she couldn’t get herself to shower fast enough.

Her brain knew Connor wasn’t at any imminent danger now, that he was just sleeping and she only had to wait for the medicine to kick in and hope his fever broke before the 24 hour mark, but her heart wouldn’t listen.

For someone as rational as Felicity, motherhood was a change she couldn’t measure or estimate, no matter how hard she tried during her entire pregnancy. From the moment the nurse put newborn Connor in her arms after 27 hours and 32 minutes of painful labor, any kind of rational thought she had regarding her son was eclipsed by her emotions.

There was no logic, no explanation, and no formula to explain the love she felt growing more and more every day since she heard his heartbeat for the first time through an ultrasound machine in a Las Vegas clinic.

_It simply was._

So she never thought twice about following her heart so thoroughly when it came to anything Connor related.

She never knew how _freeing_ loving someone could be until she had Connor.

Her father left one day when she seven years old and never came back. It not only broke her heart in a way she believed impossible to fix, but also made her question what was so wrong with her, what was so unlovable in her, that he’d want to go. She closed herself off to the world, became an angry child and then teenager and promised herself to never give someone the chance to hurt her like that again. Though she loved her mom despite their complicated relationship while growing up, and had loved Cooper during their time together, she never really let go... always holding a part of herself back.

Then she got pregnant.

Loving Connor consumed her entire being and it made her so unbelievably happy to be able to freely give her love and receive his back because he _wanted_ to give it to her, and not because he had to.

It made her realize she was never the problem, her father was. He was the broken one because having a chance to be a parent and giving it up was unthinkable for her the moment she took a pregnancy test and it showed her a pink plus sign.

Connor opened up her heart in a way she didn’t even know was possible.

The thought of losing him paralyzes her with a kind of fear she’s only read about.

Fear of never getting to see him grow up.

Fear of him not being able to achieve his dreams.

Fear of never hearing his voice calling for her again.

Fear of not being able to hold and love him.

Fear of losing the best part of her.

So she took one of the fastest showers of her life, changed into her favorite pajamas and lay down beside him trying not to wake him up. As if he could feel her there, Connor moved closer, seeking the heat her body was emanating and curling himself around her.

She stayed up all night just watching her son sleep, holding him while monitoring not only his fever but his breathing and heartbeat.

It soothed her and allowed the tears she held back since leaving Queen Consolidated to fall without turning into sobs and waking her baby up.

It’s been so hard lately.

Since she found out about Connor she’s been doing everything in her power to make things as easy as possible on him, and while she doesn’t and could _neve_ r regret it, it’s been taking a toll on her emotions.

No number of phone calls to her mom when she’s needed someone to assure her it wasn’t her fault could settle the dark feeling in her heart that _she not only could, but should be doing more._

She’s been holding onto any silver lining she’s been able to find or rationalize while assuring herself she’s prepared for anything that may come her and Connor’s way.

Carly’s phone call not only scared her but made her aware of how _not_ ready she is.

All the plans she’s orchestrated so far mean nothing if her son isn’t here for it, which is the possibility she hasn’t weighted for any of them.

It reared its face without warning and made way for darker outcomes to take ahold of her mind.

Her options have been limited since her compatibility results came back, _she knows_ , but she always considered it a sure thing that she’d have _time_ to find another way. Oliver’s return gave her blind hope. Just because he’s alive after all, doesn’t mean he’ll be willing to help Connor, and if he is, it doesn’t mean he’ll be a match. Or anyone from his family.

This may be all for nothing in the end.

Because _time_ is more important than whatever plan she may be able to come up with and yesterday just let her know how precious it is and how it won’t bend to her or anyone’s will.

“Mommy?” Connor’s voice interrupts the dark thoughts she can’t seem to let go since last night, as she pours herself another cup of coffee to go along with the pieces of toast she’s waiting for. Just because she’s basically a walking coffee IV doesn’t mean she’s not going to eat. The last thing she need is to get sick too.

Turning towards the hallway, she sees Connor, hair tousled and both hands up to his neck holding part of his superman blanket around himself while most of it trails after him. He looks paler and frailer than usual, and while it may just be the contrast of the bright red and blue from his blanket against his skin, it twists her insides up regardless.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing up? You should be in bed, resting. Mommy’s just waiting for breakfast to be ready so we can eat while watching some cartoons.” She’s already putting her coffee cup down and making her way towards Connor while speaking, kneeling in front of him and putting one hand on his shoulder as the other goes straight to his forehead to see if his fever’s back.

Somewhere around 4 o’clock in the morning his fever broke, much to Felicity’s relief. It felt like a rock was lifted from her heart when she measured Connor’s temperature and the thermometer showed a 99F.

They still need to wait for his blood work to come back, but knowing his fever broke and she won’t have to rush to the hospital with him as long as he stays this way, is as good of news as she can hope for at this point.

“I’m thirsty… and you weren’t there when I woke up, so I decided to look for you.” Connor replies. He’s giving her the puppy eyes, biting his lower lip and shuffling his little sock covered feet, and if even she wanted to, which she doesn’t, Felicity wouldn’t be able to get mad.

Connor walks two steps towards her, spreading his little arms while holding a corner of his blanket in each hand, and she already knows what he wants.

She doesn’t hesitate in picking him up, even if her already exhausted bones silently scream at her for doing so. Planting a kiss of his cheek as she makes her way back to the kitchen, she sets him down on the counter besides the sink and moves to put the pieces of toast on a plate and grab Connor a glass of water.

“Do you want butter or jelly on your toast, baby?” She asks while passing him the glass of water.

He takes a couple of big sips before answering, his legs moving back and forth, the back of his tiny feet making _clack clack_ noises against the counter, “Neither. Not hungry mommy! Can we watch Robin Hood instead of cartoons?”

Frowning, Felicity turns to look at her son, who looks perfectly innocent to wondering eyes, but not to her. She knows what he’s doing. Getting a sick Connor to eat has never been easy.

Since he was a tiny baby and got sick for the first time, an ear infection at two months old that made Felicity cry as much as him because she felt like a failure as a mother until she went to a pediatrician that assured her it was a normal thing to happen, he never wanted to eat. It’s always driven Felicity crazy, and it appears today won’t be any different. “Connor, you know you have to eat. If you don’t eat, you won’t get better. Do you want to stay sick?” Her arms are crossed and she’s giving her _I’m not letting this one go buddy, so you better listen to me_ mom look.

His feet stop moving and he stares at her, his blue eyes shining from excitement and she can already feel her stomach drop.

“So that’s it? If I eat the toast and everything else you tell me to I’ll get better, mommy? No more doctors or needles? Can I go back to playing baseball then? And school too? Can I start soccer?” He sounds so excited and she hates herself for not thinking of better words to use before speaking.

She blames it on her exhausted brain.

Her son is always so mature and perceptive for his age that moments like this, where he actually _acts_ like a four year old boy, catch her off guard and surprise her most times.

She can feel her face fall momentarily before she can put a happy face on for Connor and her insides have already twisted themselves into knots just imagining the look on her baby’s face when she, again, tells him that’s not what she meant. That he’s still not getting better.

 _At least not from the leukemia,_ her traitor brain supplies.

She inhales, bracing herself for the disappointment she’s about to cause her son, but Connor’s face has already fallen, a little “Oh!” escaping his mouth in the process as he puts his glass down. He’s not looking at her anymore, his face turned down to stare at his feet and his small hands are holding his blanket so tight  around his little neck they’ve turned white.

“Honey…” She’s not sure what to say when nothing she can say will comfort him.

“I’m sorry, mommy.” He mumbles in a low voice and she’s already halfway to him before she even realizes it.

Grabbing his hands, she opens his little fists and intertwines their fingers instead, bending her knees a bit so she can look into his eyes without having to force him to move before he’s ready. Connor’s never been good at sharing his feelings before he feels ready.

“What about, sweetheart?” She can’t think of one reason as to why he’s apologizing. It should be _her_ apologizing for inadvertently using words that gave him not only the wrong idea, but _false hope_. Something she’s already noticed fading from him bit by bit every day despite her best efforts to give him as much hope as she can.

“For making you cry.” He answers as he disentangles one of their hands and wipes a tear away from her cheek.

A tear she never even realized had fallen.

She promised herself from day one she’s do her best in order to avoid crying in front of Connor, and here she is, a complete mess.

“It’s okay, baby. Mommy is just tired and worried about you. It’s not your fault; you don’t have to be sorry. You never have to be sorry for being yourself.” _It’s my fault, for not getting a hold of my emotions._

“I’ll eat! Anything you want. Just don’t cry, okay mommy? I don’t like when you cry.” Connor is so eager to please, so ready to comfort her when she should be the one comforting him, it just makes her eyes water more.

“Oh my beautiful boy… mommy loves you so much, Connor!” She says as she pulls him closer in order to hug him.

“I love you too, mommy!” His reply is muffled. Sitting on the counter makes him taller, so he’s the one pressing a kiss to her forehead this time around.

She doesn’t know what she did to deserve such an amazing, perfect little boy, but she’s eternally grateful, no matter what comes their way.

 

<->

 

_The Oliver you lost may not be the one they found._

Dr. Lamb’s words are never far off Moira’s mind.

She thinks about it constantly, especially when she catches herself wanting her son to be the same person he was before.

Felicity and Connor Smoak’s appearance changes almost everything, but it doesn’t change the fact her son has just come back.

Oliver’s going through a lot himself. She cannot begin to imagine what her son really went through on that hellish island during five years, and what her mind does come up with, chills her down to her bones.

She planned on waiting until he somewhat settled in before talking to Oliver about, perhaps, seeking professional help, but now she thinks it’d be important not to put if off.

If her suspicions are proven correct and Connor Smoak is indeed Oliver’s son, then she’ll do _anything_ in her power to help the little boy.

Until then, her known family is her priority.

She’s not risking their hearts.

Oliver is back but he’s clearly so different that if it wasn’t for his physical appearance, she’d question whether it’s really him. She’ll never _not_ love him though. He’ll always be her beautiful boy, but she can’t pretend things are fine.

Although he has been doing a fine job in hiding it from a casual observer so far, Moira has noticed things that worry her.

Her son barely relaxes. He tries to pretend he’s still the easy going boy that left on the Gambit, but his posture is always stiff, his eyes always alert and the way he reacted to Raisa almost falling the other night was the first of many concerns she’s started having.

He also doesn’t look like he _feels_ anything, whether it be joy or sadness, he always has the same look of detachment on his face if not counting the first time he saw her and Thea again. Even Felicity Smoak’s news were met with stoicism instead of surprise.

Oliver leaving right after Ms. Smoak yesterday was the most surprising of all. Her son always confided in her, be it a superficial matter or an emotional one. The fact he didn’t say anything and just up and left, disappearing for _hours_ was the final push she needed to admit to herself that, no matter how much she desires it, the help her son needs is more than she can offer.

His behavior, along with Dr. Lamb’s warning about PTSD has warning bells going off from all directions in her mind.

Adding an ill son can only complicate an already delicate situation. She fears it may be too much for his emotional well-being when coupled with readapting into his family and society.

Then there’s her daughter.

Moira is self-aware enough to realize she has been far from a good mother the past five years. Robert and Oliver’s loss almost destroyed her completely and while her love for Thea never wavered, her ability to parent suffered. While she did give her daughter all the support she had in herself to give, she never learned how to say no and it shows. Her daughter is becoming as irresponsible as her son used to be and she still doesn’t know how to turn the situation around.

She loves and only wants the best for her family, but that doesn’t mean she’s blind to their faults and struggles along with her own.

It may make her the villain, withholding immediate help to a sick child, but if incorrect, this Connor Smoak situation has the power to destroy the little there’s left of her children’s and, honestly, her own heart.

Her family loves each other fiercely, but it has a long way to go in order to learn how to actually _be_ a family again.

 

<->

 

By the time Felicity felt composed enough to let go of Connor without a chance of a breakdown, their breakfast was way too cold to be salvageable, and even if she tries to maintain a routine, she decides to spoil her son a little and wipe up some pancakes for the second day in row. It also doesn’t hurt that he can never turn down pancakes.

_It’s a win-win situation._

They’re both with their backs against Felicity’s bed headboard, a tray in between them and eating pancakes while Robin Hood is finishing loading on the TV.

“Hey, sweetheart!” She starts after swallowing the last piece of food on her plate.

“Yeah, mommy?” He answers, looking up from what’s left of his pancakes, a bit of syrup running down the corner of his mouth.

Moving her hand up, Felicity wipes it away before continuing. “Mommy just wants to clarify something you mentioned when we were in the kitchen.” She really doesn’t want to bring Connor down, but she doesn’t want him to have the wrong idea about things either.

His eyes instantly dim, but he goes on before she can. “You don’t have to say it mommy… I know I’m not getting better if I eat.” He keeps moving his food around and suddenly she regrets, for the untempt time, not having a way to make it be as simple as that for him.

She grabs his little hands, moving them away from his food and lifts the tray, depositing it on the floor by her bed. She turns back to him, pulling both her hands on his tiny waist and moving him closer so they’re side by side. “If I could will it baby, I would… but I unfortunately can’t. But I want you to know mommy is doing _everything_ she can to find a way for you get better, okay?”

“Okay!” Looking up at her, he rests his head on top of her breasts, his little legs moving to rest on top of hers.

“Good.” She replies, scooting down until they can both lie down comfortably and pressing a kiss to the top of Connor’s head. “What do you say we start watching this movie then? I don’t know if I remember it… is Robin a bunny?”

“Mommy, don’t be silly. Robin is a fox! _A fox!_ ”

“Wow, cool!”

The credits are barely over when both, Felicity and Connor, are already in a deep sleep, Robin and his merry men adventures nothing but background noise.

 

<->

 

Unsurprisingly, he’s the first one down to breakfast, Oliver notices as he walks into the dining room, and while he considers skipping it so he can start putting his plan in motion, he knows prolonging this conversation will only hinder things.

He’s also aware his mother won’t react well to the decision he made last night, and Thea still has no idea of what is going on and needs to be informed as soon as possible. Another thing his mother will for sure disapprove, but Oliver will take whatever she dishes out if it means speeding things up.

He has a goal and no one will get in his way, not even his mother and her good intentions.

“Oliver?”

“Morning mom!” He greets her, walking to pull her chair back for her before going to his own.

“Good morning, darling. Why are you awake so early?” Moira questions before squeezing his hand and taking her seat. If it was up to her, she’d hug her son all the time to make sure he’s _here_ , but he’s been making it clear he’s not comfortable with touching unless he initiates it since he got home, so she settles for a couple touches here and there.

_It’s not about her, it’s about him._

Oliver’s aware his mother has no ill intentions, she’s clearly surprised since being up before lunch was never a thing he did before, but even then he considers if telling her the truth is the best option. His inability to sleep would be just one more thing to worry about, especially when barely sleeping is more than just a habit to him after five years. “I wanted to talk to you and wasn’t sure if you had anything planned for the day.”

_A half-truth isn’t a lie._

“Walter already left for Queen Consolidated, something about a last minute meeting. I do have afternoon tea with some of the ladies regarding our next charity event, but I was hoping you and I could meet with Jean for lunch to figure out how soon we can deal with legally resurrecting you and go over some of the possible legal repercussions of Ms. Smoak’s claim.”

“You know as much as I do it’s not a claim, mom. Connor is my son.” He interrupts. Apparently he isn’t the only one with a plan on how to handle the situation.

“While I believe the chances of that being true are high, we cannot be sure until we have the DNA results back.” She replies, filling her cup with coffee before continuing, “What I _do_ know is that you need to provide a sample of your blood. I’m sure we can arrange something if you don’t desire to go back to the hospital.”

He had no illusions it’d be an easy topic to approach or conversation to have, but he thought his mother would have softened a bit overnight. She may be playing it close to her chest, but her lack of a poker face yesterday was all the proof he needed. “I’ll go to the hospital tomorrow, but I can’t do lunch. I know you’re not going to like it, but I’ve decided to contact Felicity and I’m hoping we can meet and talk later today.”

Her lips form a straight line, and even if it’s been five years, he can see the disapproval shining in his mother eyes, similar to all the times he did some idiotic thing in his youth. Except this is not one of them.

“Oliver! I thi-“

“Mom… nothing you can say will change my mind. I’m not waiting weeks for a test to tell me something I already know. Felicity wasn’t lying and she made it clear Connor needs help _immediately._ I’m not risking his health even more over a piece of paper or a meeting with lawyers about whatever it is you deem needs to be done. Unless it’s about helping my son, I don’t care.”

He doesn’t raise his voice. He doesn’t have to. Moira always knew Oliver better than anyone before his time away, and the look on his face is one she’s never seen before. It holds seriousness, a weight she doesn’t recognize. He looks absolutely resolute in the matter, if not stonily so, but she’s Moira Queen and she’s not giving up easily.

“Oliver sweetheart, it’s more complicated than that. I’m trying to protect you. I’m trying to protect this family. This situation is extremely delicate and rushing in and risking being emotionally attached is too great a risk to take unless we are absolutely sure.”

“That’s the thing mom, I _know._ Connor is mine, nothing is changing that. I know you know it too, no matter what you say.”

Oliver’s new ability to read people is another thing she’s trying to wrap her head around. Her son used to be extremely naïve about people’s intentions and, although she’s got a good poker face, she can see the certainty on his. He won’t let this go. He might as well be more stubborn than her. “Perhaps a compromise is in order then. DNA results take around two business days, not weeks anymore, and I’m sure I can throw some weight around and have it done in one or less. One more day isn’t much. What do you say?”

He will give his mother points for trying, and for all of Moira Queen’s excellent people skills, she hasn’t really grasped how serious he is. “I’m sorry mom, but as I said, if it isn’t about helping Connor, then it’s a no.”

The last thing she wants is to fight with Oliver when he hasn’t been home a week. She also knows what battles to fight and which ones to surrender, such as this one. “Alright. I can see nothing will sway you, but I do ask you to go to the hospital tomorrow as you said and be aware you’ll need to go to court on the set date for the legal resurrection.” Seeing as Oliver looks ready to interrupt she continues, “Before you say anything, if you’re not legally recognized as alive you won’t be able to help the boy... Connor, so keep that in mind.”

 It’s silent for a brief moment.

She realizes it’s already too late. Oliver is already emotionally attached one way or another. She can only hope this story ends in a happy way. Her son has had enough tragedies for a hundred lifetimes.

“Fine.  We can meet with Jean either tomorrow evening or first thing Monday morning to discuss my resurrection details.”

“I’ll arrange the meeting and let you know then.”

“There’s one more thing. I want to tell Thea about Connor… today.”

“Absolutely not. That’s not an option Oliver. You can’t tell your sister until we have confirmation, no matter how unnecessary you think it may be.”

“You know it’s a mere formality and she deserves to know she has a nephew.”

“Allegedly nephew, Oliver. And she will when the time is right. Telling her now won’t change the situation. It’ll only risk unnecessary attachment. You may think you know how your sister operates, but you don’t.”

He masks his reaction to her words, but it cuts him deeply. The fact he doesn’t know who his sister has become is something he’ll probably always regret, especially since it was only partly out of his hands. “I may not know her that well anymore, but what I do know is the weight secrets have. How much destruction they can cause and what it can cost.”

Moira knows she overstepped. Oliver doesn’t need reminders of how much time he’s lost, he needs support and understanding. As far as she knows, he spent all day alone after leaving QC, and though he may not express it, having his sister on his side may give him some support he hasn’t been able to find with her. “I’m sorry, Oliver. I know it’s not fair of me to insinuate it’s in anyway your fault for being lost on that storm. If you want to inform your sister, I can’t stop you.”

It’s as close to an outright permission as Oliver’s going to get, even if in the end, his mother has no real way of stopping him. “Where is she, by the way? Doesn’t she have school in less than half an hour?”

“It’s a Friday. Your sister doesn’t go to school on Fridays.”

“You let her play hooky?”

“She’s old enough to know when she needs to go to school or not. Besides, she appreciates her space from time to time.”

“You know she’s testing you, right?”

“Well, where did she learn that from?”

“Mom,” He sighs. “When I was her age, you and dad let me get away with murder. Looking back, I could’ve used less space and more parenting.” He pushes his chair back and gets up. “I have to go, but let me know what you decide about meeting with Jean later.”

“Oliver, you didn’t eat anything!”

“There!” He says, grabbing an apple and walking out of the room.

 

<->

 

Oliver prefers not to ponder over the fact he can kill a man with his bare hands in less than five seconds but takes over ten minutes to figure out how to turn on his brand new Thea approved cellphone.

He could’ve asked for his sister’s help, knowing she wouldn’t begrudge or mock him about his lack of technological well, anything.

But since he got home he feels like he’s being steamrolled with everything, and figuring out how to work a cellphone may not be much, but it’s something that he can choose to do.

Something he can _control._

_Even if it takes a fucking eternity._

He may not have been stranded on Lian Yu for the entire five years he was away as he’s lead everyone to believe, but even then his priorities were never about keeping up with current trends or new technology.

It had always been about survival.

It still is.

He can’t turn it off.

No matter what, he keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Leaning back against the chair in front of his desk and staring at the phone lying on it, a phone that has barely any buttons and, according to Thea, is used by touching only, he feels the weight of the things he can’t let go off hit him all at once.

Opening the folder Felicity left behind yesterday, he looks at the three pictures of Connor inside of it before moving to take the fourth, and from what he can tell, the most recent one from his back pocket and laying it beside the others.

He simply stares.

Not even half an hour ago he was so sure being there for Connor, not only helping him but being in his life was the right thing to do. To the point he let his mother know he would do what he feels is best and not what she desires.

His son deserves a father regardless of his current condition and, even if he can’t be what Connor hopes for, it has to be better than nothing.

Except, what if it isn’t?

He’s more than damaged goods.

He can’t let his guard down enough to sleep and when he does, it’s nightmare after nightmare.

He doesn’t feel hungry and when he does eat, it’s never more than a couple bites in order to appease his family.

He can barely sign his own name… how is he supposed to be a father?

He isn’t questioning his decision to help his son, even if his mother wishes for him to wait for the DNA results.

That decision is the only thing he knows at this point, but maybe being Connor’s father isn’t in his son’s best interest.

The only thing Felicity asked for was help. That he and his family consider getting tested and, possibly, donating bone marrow. She made it clear that was her only goal and she didn’t want anything else.

Maybe that included him being a part of Connor’s life as more than a possible donor.

As his father.

There was no ring on her finger, but she may have someone in her life.

Someone Connor may call “dad”.

Someone who can be considered a good role model and influence for his son.

Someone who is able to function as a real human being instead of a barely contained killing machine.

Shaking his head to try and clear the dark thoughts and avoid an even worse spiral, he picks up the phone.

It takes another five or so minutes until he’s able to dial the number written on the first page of the folder. His fingers shake and it never fails to make him wonder how he can aim a bow and hit any target with his eyes closed, but anything else is a struggle.

But there is no turning back.

He hits dial and puts the phone to his ear.

It rings once.

Twice.

Three times.

By the fourth ring, when he starts to think she won’t pick up, there’s a breathless “Hello?” in his ear.

“Felicity Smoak?” He replies.

“Yes.”

“Hi. It’s Oliver Queen.”

“Oh! H-hi, Mr. Queen.” There’s a clear shaking quality to her voice. She’s apprehensive of whatever it is she thinks he may have called to say.

“No. Mr. Queen was my father. It’s just Oliver. I was hoping we could talk. Are you busy?” He wants them to be at an equal level; therefore formalities have to be way behind them. He could tell how unsettled she was last time they talked, and the last thing this situation needs is more reason for her to be so.

It’s silent for a few seconds before Felicity answers, “Yes. As in yes I can talk, not yes as in I’m busy.”

“Would it be possible for us to meet somewhere? I don’t think this is a conversation that should be held over a phone call.”

 

<->

 

Oliver called her.

He called and he wants to talk.

Felicity can’t stop staring at her phone in awe.

It’s barely been 24h since she left Walter’s office.

If he wasn’t going to help, he would’ve just said so, right?! Or, perhaps, never contacted her again. Why arrange a meeting if he was going to shut her down?

_Because he’s not going to shut me down._

_He wants to help Connor._

_He wants to_ help _Connor._

_He. Wants. To. Help. Connor._

Although she doesn’t want to get her hopes up, it’s kind of too late already. Her hands are shaking slightly and she can feel tears welling up in her eyes, one even running down her face and, for the first time in a long time, they’re happy tears.

It’s not a cure and he may turn out not to be a match, but it’s something… scratch that, it’s _everything_.

It’s the best possible shot Connor has, and he’s mostly likely going to get it.

She needs to get herself together. It feels like she’s been crying nonstop since she got home from the hospital last night with Connor. She woke up a while ago, but Connor’s still sleeping with no signs of his fever returning, thankfully.

Going through everything that was said yesterday to try and pinpoint what exactly convinced Oliver this quickly is something she can focus on. She’s aware she didn’t put her best foot forward while explaining the situation, but there has to have been _something._

It’s just way too soon for him to have gone through the entire 200 page folder.

And even if it wasn’t, there’s still the DNA testing. The Queens have a lot of influence but they can’t have possible sped up the process and have the results delivered this fast, right?!

It could be one of the pictures.

Or the plain desperation on her face.

Or the tremble in her voice.

Honestly, she can live with never figuring it out as long as Connor gets the help he needs.

As much as she wanted to agree to Oliver’s request and meet today, she can’t leave Connor’s side. His fever hasn’t come back and while he’s regained a little color, he’s not in the clear yet. Besides, no babysitter would agree to take care of a child in his condition.

They agreed to meet on Sunday for brunch.

Here.

At her house.

She’s starting to regret the plan, but there’s not much to be done at this point if she doesn’t want to postpone meeting with Oliver even more.

Her mom isn’t coming in for a couple weeks, so she isn’t an option.

Asking Carly would definitely work, but she doesn’t want to risk AJ getting sick as well.

Barry is in the middle of an investigation with Joe, Iris is about to turn in her dissertation, Ronnie and Caitlin aren’t back from their honeymoon yet and Cisco is working overtime because of it. Therefore even if they were willing to come all the way from Central City if she asked, they couldn’t.

It’s her only option, but having Connor see Oliver this soon worries her. She doesn’t know his intentions. Oliver may just want to help Connor and not be in his life, be his dad. After all, the only thing she focused on asking for was their help by getting tested.

What if Connor meets Oliver and the former decides that being a father is not something he’s interested in? Although it’s been five years, his reputation has nothing pointing to possible father material. That’s not even counting his mental state post isolation. He _wa_ s away from civilization for five years. Perhaps Oliver will not want to be stuck parenting a sick kid, who may or may not get better.

Where would that leave her son?

Heartbroken.

 _Just like you when dad left._ Her goth self, always angry and vicious, whispers in the back of her mind.

She’s not going to let that happen to Connor.

Ever.

Her son has never and will never feel unwanted.

No matter whom she has to go up against to ensure it.

She needs to find a way to get Connor the help he needs and protect his heart at the same time. Easier said than done, especially when one of the people she has to protect Connor’s heart from will, undoubtedly, encounter him in less than two days.

Her house is no Queen Mansion after all.

 

<->

 

It’s early.

Way too early for Thea Queen to be up when she doesn’t have school.

She’s skipping but is awake regardless.

Staring at her ceiling and cocooned by her blankets.

Yesterday shook her more than she’s willing to admit out loud.

She’s spoiled and she knows it.

She’s also aware of how, despite all the personal tragedies she and her family have faced, the sheltered upbringing she’s had not only blinded her to most problems people face, but their hardships.

Meeting Connor was unexpected, but she’s grateful for the opportunity. The little boy was a delight, even more so after Dig told her about his illness.

His enthusiasm over building something she considers so complicated, when he’s sick and not being able to have a normal childhood from what she’s gathered, felt a bit like an eye opener.

The booze, pills and drugs she’s starting to use more and more of are a conscious choice. She’s _choosing_ to use things that not only harm her body, but may destroy it.

Meanwhile, a sweet little boy is being forced to use treatment drugs that make him even sicker so he _may_ have a chance to live long enough to graduate kindergarten.

It’s so unfair to him and so irresponsible of her.

She has the privilege of choosing and she’s _wasting_ it.

And for what exactly?

A high that leaves her feeling even shittier in the morning than whatever awful feeling creeped in the night before.

Throwing her blankets away and getting up, she moves towards her desk. Opening the top drawer and removing the fake back, she pulls out her stash of pills. There are around a hundred of them with at least five different kinds and colors. Throwing the zip lock bag on top of her bed she moves towards her trophies.

Grabbing the one further away, she twists the top until the statue is off and she’s left with the squared hollow base. She takes the bag of white powder out, puts it down and rearranges the trophy back to its original state and place.

Picking it back up, she goes to her bed and sits down while holding both bags in her lap.

She wouldn’t consider herself an addict, but she knows if she actually uses all of these drugs she will end up one.

Before she can move to flush them down the toilet in her bathroom, there’s a knock at her door.

“One second!” She barely has time to hide the bags under her leftover pillow when the door starts opening.

Oliver partially opens Thea’s door, closing his fist tighter around the rock in his hand, popping only his head in as he says in greeting, “Hey, speedy! Can I come in?”

“Ollie, hi! Yeah, sure!” She answers, hoping her voice doesn’t give her away and waves him in as she rests her back against the headboard and crosses her legs. “What’s up?”

Thea can’t deny getting her brother back has been the best thing to happen to her in years.

Losing both, her father and brother at such a young age was something she never even imagined could happen to her, and the pain was unbearable. For years, she felt she had lost her mother too. Moira tried to be there for her, but she was way too lost herself. Until her mom started dating and then marrying Walter, Thea had little hope for what was left of her family. Now, she not only has a great stepfather and her mom back, but she has her big brother too. She’ll always miss her dad, he was the best father she could ask for, but she’ll forever cherish Oliver’s miracle return.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” He says, sitting by the edge of her bed.

“Hmmm sure… what is it? Do you need help with the phone?”

“No. This isn’t about the phone, it’s something else.”

“Okay, now you’re worrying me. Are you okay? Did something happen? Is it mom? Or Walter?”

“Something did happen, but everyone’s fine. I promise, speedy.”

“You really need to stop calling me that. No one’s called me that since I was eleven, Ollie!”

“That’s not happening. You’ll always be speedy to me… with me having to chase you all over the house and you running everywhere with either your dolls or your bow and arrow in hand!”

Her brother has such an earnest look on his face, Thea can’t even be annoyed. “Fine!” She huffs, “but this isn’t over. Anyway, what is it you want to talk about?”

“I have something for you.” He says, opening his palm to reveal an arrowhead, ironically enough.

Thea’s looking at him with disbelief all over her face. “You _did not_ come back from a deserted island with a souvenir.”

“It’s a hozen, and in Buddhism it symbolizes reconnecting. I kept it in the hope that one day; it’d reconnect me… with you.”

“Ollie…” She’s not one for speechlessness, but her brother sounds so earnestly reserved she can’t help it. “Thank you!” She replies, picking up the arrowhead and touching it to her heart.

He nods his head once to acknowledge her appreciation. He was so focused on convincing his mother Thea deserves to know, it left Oliver with no time to come up on how to break the news to his sister after his mother reluctantly agreed. He could’ve waited and come up with a game plan, but if he’s being honest, he wants her to know. His mother may be being overly cautious, but he’s sure his sister will react better. He knows she’ll have his back, and he misses the feeling of knowing someone you care about will support you regardless of anything else.

“That’s actually not what I wanted to talk to you about. Yesterday when I went with mom to Queen Consolidated I bumped into someone. She was someone I met before… going away, and she asked if we could talk.”

“Is this your way for asking for dating advice? Because I don’t mind, but from what I remember, you never had a problem charming the ladies.” She says while bumping their shoulders together.

It’s not a smile, but his lips do curve up a bit. “Yeah… no, it’s not. I don’t think dating anyone is a good idea right now.” He’s way too messed up to bring someone into the darkness that surrounds him, _that is him_ , especially when his relationship track record is almost as bad. “Well, the thing is…” He moves to take the picture he can’t seem to leave out of his reach since he took it from its folder yesterday. It’s easier to show Thea, he’s never been any good with words. “Thea, this is my -”

“Connor?” She interrupts.

“You know him?”

“Why do you have a picture of Connor?”

They both question at the same time. Thea looks incredulous while Oliver’s merely curious.

With a nod, Oliver signals Thea to go first.

Grabbing the opposite corner of the picture from Oliver, she stares at the smiling boy in it. _He looks so healthy_ , Thea thinks before saying, “I don’t really _know_ him, but I’ve met him.” Looking back up at her brother she goes on, “Yesterday actually. Dig, I don’t know if you’ve met him yet. He’s the head of security but sometimes he drives me around and stuff. Well, I wasn’t feeling too good when I woke up so he took me to get some Big Belly Burger.” No need to advertise her hangover to her brother, because even if he’s got no grounds to judge her choices, she doesn’t want to risk disappointing him. Besides, she just decided to turn a new leaf.

Seeing the lack of recognition on her brother’s face, she clarifies. “It’s the best burger in town, I’ll take you sometime. Anyway, that’s how I met him. He’s friends with Dig’s nephew, so he went to say hi, introduced us and I stayed and talked to him while we were waiting for our orders. He’s really something. _So_ adorable!”

Thea knows his son. She’s met him. She’s had the chance to talk to him. The fondness is clear in her voice, and it lifts some of the worry he had inside of him, despite knowing there was no way his sister would turn her back on him or her nephew. As he stares at her, he can see Thea start to put the pieces together or at least try to. “He’s my son, speedy.”

“He’s what?”

“My son. His mother and I met shortly before I left, in a Vegas casino and I guess you can figure out the rest.”

“Oh, Ollie!” Then she’s closing the distance between them and hugging him with all her mighty.

That’s not the reaction Oliver was expecting. He expected a stream of questions ranging from how it was possible to why Connor’s mother never found her and their mom, but not a hug and a voice full of caution, and if he’s not mistaken, tears. “I guess you know about his illness then.” He’s not questioning it, he can tell by her voice and body language that she’s aware of Connor’s condition.

After a while she pulls back, dries the tears that managed to escape and replies, “Yeah! I mean, I don’t know much but Dig told me he has some type of child leukemia.”

“Yes, and according to Felicity, that’s his mother, he needs my help. Our help really. She provided a folder full of information with the details, but I haven’t gone through it all yet. She did tell me, mom and Walter that Connor needs a bone marrow transplant to get better, which is why she reached out. She hopes we’ll help by getting tested to see if any of us are a match, since she and her family aren’t.” He can’t stop staring at Connor picture as he speaks, running his thumb on its corner. He still can’t wrap his head around the fact he’s a father, but looking at his son’s smiling face, makes it not only easier but _real._

“I assume since you’re the only one here, mom didn’t exactly want to tell me anything?” She tries to hide it, but her mother’s lack of disclosure of important information infuriates her. She only told her about Oliver being found after they confirmed it was indeed him and he was boarding a plane to come home.

“She thought it’d be better to wait for the DNA test results before involving you or contacting Felicity to talk.”

“What? But he needs help. I saw him, Ollie. He looks so much skinnier than in this picture.” She exclaims, voice shaking from left over tears, pointing to the picture in his hand. “We have to help!”

His sister’s absolute lack of hesitation is not surprising and is one of the many reasons he wanted her to know. She always was the purest one in their family, but it’s still a comfort to be able to see that hasn’t changed and what an amazing woman she’s becoming after losing so many years.

“I will. I don’t care about what a piece of paper says, I know Connor’s mine. I already called Felicity. I’m going to her house for brunch on Sunday.”

“Good.” Moving closer and resting her head on his shoulder, Thea says “I knew there was something about him that was familiar” Her fingers are gently touching the picture in his hands,”…but I never thought he’d turn out to be your son. I have a _nephew_ , Ollie! Despite the circumstances this is so amazing! I can’t wait to see him again and perhaps go shopping for gifts! I do have four years of birthdays and holidays to catch up on.”

“What do you say we make a day of it tomorrow? Me and you like old times… what do you say?”

“Yes. Yes. Yes. We can go shopping and then I’ll take you to Big Belly!”

“It’s a date.” He pauses for a couple seconds, unsure on how to ask. “How is he, speedy?” He inquires, moving one arm around her shoulders in return.

“He’s the smartest little boy I’ve met, Ollie!” His sister replies, her arms moving around. “He was literally building a motor boat. He had all these engines parts and pieces I don’t even know the name around and he knew what he was doing.”

“Really?” He can’t help but be proud. Sunday can’t come soon enough so he can meet his son, even with all his self-doubts.

“Yeah! He’s a talker too, must come from his mom’s side of the family. Looking at his picture now, I can see how much you two look alike. He’s also a charmer, just like his daddy!”

_Daddy. Wow. That’s him._

“I don’t know if I can be the father he deserves speedy, but I can’t wait to meet him and try.”

“If you’re half the father to him as you were a big brother to me growing up, you more than will. Connor’s lucky to have you as a dad.”

“Thank you.” He wants to believe her so much, but he’s nothing like the person he was five years ago, and he doesn’t know or want to be either. Thea may have thought he hung the moon, but he was nothing but a spoiled brat who took everything for granted and never had to face consequences.

He wants to be a better man. A man his son can look up to and be proud. He just doesn’t know how yet.

 

<->

 

Every Friday evening Felicity has a skype date with her mother so they can catch up and Connor can not only talk, but see his grandmother and vice versa. Well, she tries to have one anyhow. Regardless of how many times she explains the concept of using skype to Donna Smoak, her mom can’t master it. So 8 times out of 10, they end up having a phone call instead.

Her mother’s lack of technological savvy should be studied, especially because most times her mom claims to have texted her, she never even hit send on the message.

Their entire relationship has been nothing short of tumultuous since Felicity was little.

At first it was because young Felicity was more interested in whatever piece of tech her father was working on than any of the dolls and princesses dresses her mom bought for her. Her curiosity as a child sometimes got her in trouble, like when she dismantled her father’s electronics collection to make her first super computer at age seven.

After her father left, before she hit her teenage years, it was more about her internalizing her pain and focusing on learning as much of anything as she could. With her mom having to work 60 hour week shifts so they could keep the tiny two bedroom apartment they were forced to move into since her mother’s job as a cocktail waitress wasn’t enough to maintain their house or the mortgage payments, isolating herself from her mom and having them drift even further away was way too easy.

Then, as time passed and her teenage years came, so did the never ending feeling of anger and resentment. She turned goth and, with that, even more closed off and snippy. High school passed in a blur of skipped years, a lot of fighting with her mom and no friends - since a genius kid with dark make up was not the most welcoming first impression. She didn’t care because she was too focused on getting a scholarship to MIT and leaving Vegas and her mom behind.

College wasn’t that different for the most part. She was still an angry goth teenager, but it was mostly channeled into her classes, working part time at a coffee shop and doing her best to avoid going home or talking to her mom much. Until she met Cooper and it changed everything. She had her first relationship; a whirlwind romance that almost got her arrested and ended with him committing suicide.

It was an eye opener, so she changed her appearance again, died her hair blonde, bought a colorful wardrobe and made friends.

She met Ronnie Raymond in a nanotechnology class she had to take. He was everything she grew to dislike growing up in Vegas. Handsome, popular and, at first glance, everything required to be a frat boy. That’s before they got paired up for their final project and she got to know him. He was a kind, extremely smart and sweet guy, always willing to help. They bonded over their love of technology and he introduced her to his then girlfriend Caitlin.

Caitlin Snow was her first female friend. Studying to become a bioengineer, she was a fellow STEM woman and they got to know each other during her and Ronnie’s exhausting weekend meetings over their project and bonded over how hard it was to not only get opportunities and be taken seriously, but be treated as an equal in a field dominated by men.

There was also Barry Allen, who was working his way to a forensic science degree at Boston University and spent a lot of time at the café she worked at doing school work and eating too many brownies to be as skinny as he was. He was nerdy and cute and they had a lot in common. It never went beyond a friendship, she was getting over Cooper and he was in love with his foster sister Iris, but they became great friends.

That’s how she met Iris West. Though Iris had classes back in Central City University herself, she used to come to Boston to visit Barry some weekends and he introduced them. She reminded Felicity of what a less angry and resentful version of her teenage self could’ve been. Outspoken and sassy, Iris helped Felicity come a bit out of the shell she was tucking herself in after Cooper.

Cisco Ramon she met through Ronnie and Caitlin after they started working at Star Labs, and since then they’ve helped each other a lot, her with programming and him with some engineering issues. He was a kid at heart, so he and Connor bonded fast even when the former was still a baby.

They all formed friendships that she cherishes to this day.

Joe West, Iris’ father and Barry’s foster dad, is the closest thing Felicity’s had to a real male figure in her life and she loves him a lot. He’s always been extremely receptive of her and Connor, treating her son like he was his own grandchild.

The fact they were either from Central City or ended up there after getting their degrees, with their own paths crossing provided her have a group of friends, a _family_ that she knows will always be there for her and Connor, as they’ve proven by getting tested to see if any of them were a match, regardless of having an almost zero percent chance.

When she got pregnant her perspective of life changed. Her mom was the best support system she could ask for. Always there to help her with any questions or anything she needed and never judging her for being a single mom or pregnant at 19. It made her realize how unfair she had been before. Her mom may not have been the perfect parent she imagined as a child, but she was always there for Felicity, and now Connor.

They developed a new level of complicity, of understanding that they couldn’t before. No matter how different they are on the outside, one thing Felicity knows without a doubt is that whatever strength, resilience and hopefulness she has, it all comes from her mother.

Donna never let herself be brought down, regardless of how hard things were after her father left and Felicity is so grateful for having such an example to mold her own parenting on.

Staring down at the screen of her tablet, Felicity decides she’ll give her mom another minute before she starts a skype call herself. Her mom always insists on trying to initiate the, and she humors her.

Two minutes go by and nothing. It’s not like she expected it to happen but still. Clicking on her mother’s contact information, Felicity waits as it dials.

It rings and rings and rings and then there’s a high pitched scream coming from the screen!

“AAAAAAHHHHHHH!”

“Mom… hi!” Her poor ears.

“Oh my beautiful girl!”

“You do know there’s no need to yell, right? I can hear you just fine.”

“Don’t start Felicity. I’m just so glad to see you, even if it’s through a screen! It’s been almost a month since I’ve visited and we haven’t managed to do one of these video thingies since then. How are my babies?”

“We’re… fine.” It sounds weak to her own ears.

“Felicity Meghan Smoak, what are you not telling me?”

“Connor wasn’t feeling well yesterday, so I had to take him to the hospital.”

“WHAT? Honey, why didn’t you call me?”

“It honestly didn’t cross my mind with everything going on. Besides, there was nothing you could have done from Vegas.” She tries to reason.

“I don’t care, honey. I’d figure something out, or at the very least, I’d have stayed on the phone with you. You know there’s no reason for you to try and deal with all this alone. I assume you’re not in the hospital anymore; otherwise you’d have let me know. So how’s my little nugget?”

“We came home late last night. Connor had a low fever and said his tummy hurt, so they took some of his blood and said they’d call me when the labs came back, which the doctor did a couple hours ago. According to him Connor’s blood is clean and it’s just some after effects of his medication.”

“Wouldn’t it be wise to keep him there for observation?”

“According to them it isn’t necessary. They sent us home under the warning that if his fever didn’t break in the next 24h, I’d bring him in. The doctor said there’s nothing they can do there that I can’t manage myself in the comfort of our home. Thankfully, he’s been fever free since early this morning and he hasn’t complained about any more pain.”

“That’s good I guess. I’m going to try and come next week instead.”

“There’s no need mom. Believe it or not, this is the best possible outcome. You’ll be here in two weeks anyhow.”

There’s a pause before he mom replies. “If sure, okay then. But what about you, honey?”

“What about me?”

“You look tired.”

“Yeah… well, I couldn’t sleep last night but I had a nap earlier and I’m ok.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

“I know, but I’m fine.” She isn’t, but she’s better than earlier and she’s not about to risk crying again. “In better news, I got in touch with Connor’s father and his family.”

“How did it go?” There’s hesitation in her mother’s voice.

“I think it went better than I previously thought, since Oliver called me earlier today wanting to talk.”

“Oh baby! That’s good news, right?!”

“I believe so. He’s coming over for brunch on Sunday. I don’t feel it’s wise to leave Connor out of my sight for long.”

“I hope you remember what we’ve talked about before.” Felicity knows her father leaving hurt both of them, and although Donna knows contacting the Queen’s is Connor’s best chance, she made it clear Felicity needs to be careful with her and Connor’s heart. Wanting to help is different than wanting to be a part of his life. Of wanting to be his family.

“I do.” And she does. She’s not sure how she’ll handle the conversation yet, but she will figure it out.

“Is my little nugget up? I haven’t talked to him in a week.”

“Before I came to the living room to call you, he was watching TV in my bed, so I think he is. Let me check.”

Once she makes it to her room she sees Connor’s still up, transfixed by the movie playing on the TV.

“Connor, there’s someone who wants to talk to you.” Felicity says as she moves to sit beside him on the bed.

As she turns her tablet towards him and he sees Donna’s face, he excitedly shouts, “Grandma!”

“Hi baby! Grandma misses you a lot. How are you?”

From there on, Connor goes on to tell his grandma about everything he’s done since the last time they talked, including letting her see the progress he’s made on his boat. Donna indulges him, with Felicity participating here and there.

It’s not what most people would consider a perfect family, but for Felicity it is.

She’s learned to appreciate the small moments a lot more since giving birth.

As far as she’s concerned, it was a near damn perfect Friday night, seeing her son laugh so much with his grandmother.

 

<->

 

Oliver knew his mother had a good argument for him and Thea using a driver and taking a bodyguard. Although he could easily defend them both, his skills were better off being kept quiet. It would bring up too many questions from prying eyes.

Questions he had no intention of answering.

Besides, he knew the paparazzi were dying for pictures of him. Leaving the hospital without being seen was tricky, but they managed. He and Tommy were also able to keep a low profile and QC had private parking and tight security.

They probably won’t be as lucky today.

It unsettles him.

He’s not good with crowds even if he can pretend he is.

Bottom line is, he doesn’t feel comfortable with bodyguards but it’s the better alternative. So they agreed to take one along just in case.

John Diggle.

Thea has sung his praises as has his mother. Mr. Diggle is ex-military and appears more than capable, if not overqualified, to his job position as the mansion’s head of security.

He also knows Connor, which is the main reason Oliver agreed to this in the first place.

For now, it’s all about the little things.

Tomorrow he has brunch with Felicity so they can start orchestrating a better plan, but for now he’s making do with what little he has.

The folder has been a big help. He’s been reading it when he can’t fall asleep during the night. There’s a lot of medical jargon he has zero clue about but it’s helped enlighten more of Connor’s situation and the seriousness of it, hence why he refused to bend even a little to his mother’s compromise yesterday.

Being able to see his son from afar the other night and seeing Thea gush over a brief meeting also allowed him to make the whole thing more tangible, though it upped his anxiousness about meeting him.

“Ollie, I’m ready!” His sister says while rushing down the stairs. They agreed on leaving an hour ago, but in true Queen fashion she was nowhere near ready. He doesn’t mind waiting, especially if it means she won’t break her neck from running in those heels.

“There’s no need to run, we have all day, Speedy!”

“I know, but I’m excited! Let’s go!” Grabbing his arm, she starts speed walking towards the door and pulling him along.

He forgot how determined his baby sister could be.

“Dig, good morning! Have you met Ollie yet?”

“No I haven’t, Ms. Queen.” From the look on his sister’s face she abhors being called Ms. Queen as much as he dislikes being called Mr. Queen. “Mr. Queen.” John Diggle says while nodding in his direction, seriousness all over his face.

Oliver hadn’t envisioned any specific traits when it came to John Diggle, but he’s taller and bigger than Oliver himself. “Mr. Diggle, it’s nice to meet you.” As much as he’s trying to read John Diggle, he can tell the other man is doing the same to him. _Good._

Observing the kind of person John Diggle is, is another thing his subconscious does without permission. Though he can admit he gives it extra effort this time. He has no say on who is allowed on Connor’s life, but it doesn’t stop him from trying to figure out the kind of people his son has a relationship with.

“Dig, just because Ollie is here doesn’t mean we have to go back to the Ms. Queen thing. It took me long enough to talk you out of it.” Thea says, crossing her arms and giving John the stinky eye.

Apparently, Mr. Diggle is also wise enough to know what battles to fight and which ones to give up when it comes to his sister.

“Yes, Thea.” Diggle hasn’t been able to assess Mr. Queen yet. The man is good at showing an easy going attitude, but his gut is telling him it’s all for show. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yes!”

“Would you mind if we stopped by the hospital first, speedy? I promised I’d stop by to see Dr. Lamb today. It shouldn’t take long?”

“Is that for the…” Seeing the look on Oliver’s face she stops herself. “Oh, yeah it’s no problem.” She understands that though she trusts Dig, her brother has just met him.

After they settle in the backseat, Oliver says, “Mr. Diggle, could you take us to Staling City General, please?”

“Of course, Mr. Queen.”

So far Mr. Diggle’s been nothing but professional, even if his sister keeps trying to engage him in conversation. He suspects Thea and Mr. Diggle have some sort of friendship, but the latter hasn’t been swayed into showing that, probably because of his presence. It is clear Thea trusts the man, but Oliver isn’t ready to divulge personal information to him.

Today will give him a nice opportunity to get a read on the kind of person Mr. Diggle is.

“Hey Ollie, I was thinking we could go to Big Belly for lunch and then the mall. What do you think?”

“Whatever you want to do, speedy.”

“You’re the best bro!”

After a quick stop at the hospital to get some of his blood drawn, he and Thea spend the rest of the day together just as planned.

It’s the best day he’s had since coming home so far.

 

<->

 

Felicity has been up since 5 am.

To be completely honest, she barely slept for the third night in a row.

Between her need to keep an eye on Connor every couple minutes and her nervousness about her brunch with Oliver this morning, she was way too hyped to sleep more than two half hour naps throughout the night.

Since then she’s trying to put the house in order the best she can. Not the entire house since Connor is asleep in her bed and she doubts Oliver will somehow end up in the laundry room, but at least the places she knows he’ll see, like the living room, the kitchen, main bathroom and just as a precaution, Connor’s room.

Overall, the house isn’t too messy. She’s not the most organized, but considering the craziness of the last few days, there wasn’t much time for it to turn into chaos. Connor’s also extremely organized with his things, another trait she’s sure came from the other side of his family.

She ordered food in from the bakery down the street. The last thing she needs is to serve toast and jelly to someone like Oliver Queen, or worse, give him food poisoning from trying to cook something way beyond her capabilities.

An array of all types of bread, cheese, fruit, waffles, pancakes, smoked salmon, omelets, eggs benedict and three kinds of juices lay on the kitchen counter. It’s clear she went overboard and this much food could feed at least five people, but better excess than dearth.

She woke Connor up a while ago to give him another dose of his medicine and make him eat a bit of toast and juice.

Her hope is that Connor won’t be up until she’s had time to, at least, discuss Oliver’s intentions in being a part of Connor’s life.

Although she’s not in a position to demand much of anything, she’s not going to turn her head away when there’s a possibility Oliver and the Queens may have zero interest of actually getting to know him.

It’s already 10:35 am.

Oliver’s five minutes late.

_It is five minutes. He’s probably stuck in traffic or something. Don’t panic!_

 

<->

 

Oliver is nervous.

Staring at the door in front of him, the same door which his son is behind, he feels really nervous for the first time in ages.

In spite of the fact that he’s the one about to agree to help them, Felicity Smoak has a card up her sleeve that Oliver had barely considered during his entire life, but found himself wanting badly enough he can’t control the anxiousness he feels growing by the second.

And that’s whether or not she’ll want him to be in Connor’s life as his father.

He is aware he has rights, but engaging in a legal battle of any kind is not how he wants this to go. He runs his hand through his hair in order to get himself together before ringing the doorbell.

He is ten minutes late though he sped all the way here from the mansion.

Even if he was up way before the sun decided to rise, he lost track of time working out as a means to avoid losing his mind by watching the clock on his nightstand and willing time to go faster.

Before he considers the possibility of ringing it again, the door opens and he’s face to face with Felicity Smoak.

“Oliver, hi!” She’s not dressed as formally as the other day. She’s wearing a white summer dress with flowers printed all over it and a pink sweater on top. Her hair is in another ponytail and she has the same squared glasses on. _She looks nice,_ his mind supplies.

“Hey, Felicity. Good morning.”

“Morning!” She was way too nervous to give it much thought before, but Oliver’s new buzzed cut hair and scruff make him look even more handsome. Along with the dark blue Henley that’s tight enough to show there are probably some incredible muscles underneath but still keep some mystery, he looks like he’s ready for a photoshoot.

She suddenly wishes she had gone with the heels instead of the flats. _At least they’re not the panda ones!_

Seeing as she doesn’t appear she’ll move anytime soon, he inquires. “May I come in?”

“Oh my god, of course!” She says, moving aside so he can pass. “I’m sorry. Please, come in. Make yourself at home. I wasn’t sure if you’d be hungry or what you’d prefer, so I ordered a bit of everything... I hope that’s okay. But you don’t have to eat. I’m not like, trying to force you or anything. It’s totally up to you. Do you want something to drink? There’s coffee, tea, orange, apple and mango juice. And water, of course. Plenty. You can also sit down, you don’t ha-”

He walks in and his eyes inconspicuously look around the living room as Felicity talks. There are pictures everywhere. Most of them are of her with Connor through various stages of his life or of him alone, but there are some with unknown people, women and men. He decides to take her out of her misery and the babble she seems lost in, saying, “Felicity!” He says gently. It’s nice to be around someone who isn’t afraid of being themselves, and the last thing he wants is for her to feel reproached.

“Yes?” Her face is a bit red, and she can’t be sure if it’s from the non-stop talking or the embarrassment she feels from _again_ starting their conversation by babbling.

“Breathe. I don’t bite.” He says. “Usually.” He doesn’t know where the last part came from. He doesn’t jest, much less flirt. Clearing his throat to hide his own surprise at his words, he continues. “I appreciate the gesture, but I’m not hungry.”

“Oh!” She’ll just have to give more food to Mrs. Fernandez and maybe the soup kitchen in the Glades then.

As if he sensed her slight disappointment, he clarifies. “I meant that I’m not used to eating unless absolutely necessary anymore, it doesn’t exactly hmm, _agree_ with me.” Why he feels the need to share that bit of personal information with her, he doesn’t know, but from the subtle changes in her expression as she processes his words, it’s clear she appreciates it.

She’s sure he doesn’t realize he’s doing it, but the fingers in his right hand keep rubbing against each other, similar to a nervous twitch. _Wow, he’s nervous too!_ Considering the last time she saw him he was basically cosplaying a block of concrete in human form, it’s somewhat a comfort to know this is important enough that he’s nervous about it too. Most likely not as much as she is, but it settles some of her own nerves regardless.

“I’m sorry. I have a problem controlling my mouth. I mean _the words_ that come out of my mouth, not what it can do. Not that it does much but talk these days.” _Holy shit, can the floor just swallow her?_

Deciding to ignore her innuendo and pretend he can’t see the mortification on her face, he states, “I know.”

“You do?!”  

“You said so at QC when you told me about Connor.”

“Oh!” Running a hand through her ponytail, she asks, “Can we sit? There’s something I want to talk to you about before we go into specifics.”

The crease that forms between Oliver’s eyebrows is identical to Connor’s. As is the slight tilt of his head as he replies, “Sure.”

As they both face each while sitting at her couch, she unconsciously starts playing with her fingers as she rests them on her lap.

“Listen, I’m extremely grateful for you calling me so fast and I’m aware I’m not exactly in a position to question most things, but this is too important.”

“Okay…” He frowns, but makes no move to interrupt her, so she goes on.

“I need to know what your intentions are regarding Connor.” She asks, looking straight into his eyes.

“I want to help him, Felicity.”

Though that’s what she imagined, it still feels like an entire mountain’s worth of rocks is being lifted from her shoulders. But that’s not what she meant. “That’s good, _great_ actually, but I meant your intentions outside of helping him. As in, do you think you may be interested in developing a relationship with him or do you just plan on helping him in regards to his illness?”

There’s no malice in her voice, nor is Felicity trying to pressure him into anything, but her voice sounds even more serious than in Walter’s office. As far as he can tell, it’s because she’s not trying to hide her emotions or mask evident distress this time. She’s wary, but firm.

“Felicity…” It’s the first time she feels confident she’s reading him a hundred percent right, and he looks earnestly nervous, but his eyes spark with hope. _Geez! Connor’s basically a miniature of Oliver._

“I do want a relationship with Connor. I have no idea if he has someone he considers a father figure in his life, but I’d appreciate the opportunity to be in it in whatever manner you deem adequate.” It feels like his mouth is full of acid as he speaks. The image on his son doing similar things he had done with his own dad in his youth leaves a hole inside him. “You’re his mother, it’s your call to make and my family and I will respect it, I assure you.” He knows Thea’s excited to have a nephew despite the circumstances and his mother will probably start throwing the family name around to help Connor and a version of the Queen Heir talk after she gets the DNA results later today or tomorrow, but he’s being truthful when saying it’s up to Felicity.

There’s a long moment of silence between them, but unlike before at QC it’s not awkward or heavy.

It’s just silence.

A surprisingly comfortable silence.

Felicity is clearly pondering what to say and he doesn’t mind waiting. He’s pretty sure being at a loss for words is unsettling for her and he’s in no hurry. He hasn’t had a chance to ask, but he wonders where Connor is. Attuning his hearing to try and pick something up from other parts of the house, he comes up empty. Before he can try to guess, Felicity starts talking.

Oliver is apparently full of surprises. She was expecting someone with a list of possible demands and used to getting their way, not someone willing to let her have the reigns on the situation when she’s the one asking for his help.

“I appreciate your thoughtfulness, Oliver. I really do, but as long as you’re a hundred percent serious and committed about it, I’d never get in the way of you being in Connor’s life as his father. Although he has uncles to look up to, you’re his dad. You always will be. Unfortunate circumstances prevented you from being in his life so far, but if, again, that’s a thing you’re serious and sure about, we’ll find a way to work it out. Connor deserves as much.”

It’s his turn to process, but all he can think about is how lucky he is that Felicity turned out to be the mother of his child instead of one of the floozies and gold diggers he used to prance around town with.

She’s just proved any doubts he may have had about her worthless.

She’s not only genuine but completely in love with their son. It comes out of her in waves, along with protectiveness.

“Thank you, Felicity. You have no idea how much it means to me.”

Before he can answer or they can start talking about a plan of action, a voice comes from behind Oliver and interrupts them.

It sounds young, raspy with sleep as it says, “Mommy?”

It’s clearly Connor.

His son.

Behind him.

Oliver’s heart skips three straight beats and, the speed of his fingers rubbing against each other doubles.

For the first time in years, the feeling in the pit of his stomach is not dread of what’s to come, its anxiousness.

It’s the closest he’s felt to excitement.

He only needs to turn around and he’ll _see_ his son.

Not across the street through a window or a stale photograph, but in the flesh.

And, with that in mind, he turns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were some parts of this chapter I wasn’t too happy about but I decided to go ahead and post anyway, otherwise I’d never get around to it. I know it was kinda mean to cut it here but I’m only a wee bit sorry. Lol
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated and it makes my day! (:
> 
> PS: I’m trying (and failing hard so far) on doing better on Tumblr. Twitter is easier and more practical for me, but I need more people to follow on the former, so if you’re interested, you can find me @strollinginparadise.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! I know, I know… I’m worst y’all don’t need to tell me. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE AMAZING FEEDBACK. Almost 600 kudos! I'm so blown away and I can never thank you all enough. Real life is chaotic this time of the year for me and all these polls are taking away not only my time, but my sleep too. Poll season IS a pain, especially because we haven’t had much success lately. Anyway, I’ve had this chapter written for a few days but finding time to read it over and edit the glaring mistakes has been hard but I finally managed. This one is over 15k and I know it seems they keep getting longer but that’s not my intention. I’d say they’ll probably be a bit shorter from now on. I’m sure there are still mistakes along the way and I’m sorry, but I do my best and I wanted to post it since it’s been over a month since I updated! I’ll stop rambling and let you get on with it. I hope y’all enjoy! (:

The world comes to a halt.

It’s absolutely indescribable, the feeling that explodes inside Oliver’s chest as soon as he’s face to face with Connor.

For years his heart has been losing the pieces that made him who he was to the point he feels there’s barely anything left and he’s drifting through life instead of living it.

If he had to explain, he imagines it’d be like assembling a puzzle.

It feels like the little he has left of his heart just fell apart but is slowing trying to put itself together again, with one main difference. Where it all felt disconnected before, with pieces being mismatched and simply missing from all the things life’s thrown at him, now it feels like they are all finding a way to fit again, slowly. Everything he used to be, pieces he thought were forever lost, along with whatever pieces he’s been carrying around and others that represent things he can’t identify seem to be falling into place around the master piece.

Better yet, the master _person_.

Connor.

For the first time in years the only thing he’s aware of is the little boy not three feet in front of him.

Everything else has ceased to exist.

There’s no other shoe waiting to drop or surveillance to be maintained.

There is no one else in the entire world but him and his son.

Oliver can feel how fast his heart is beating and his throat is closing up.

He’s paralyzed in amazement.

He can’t look away.

His son is simply _beautiful_.

His hair, which is only slightly longer than his own but almost the same color, perhaps a bit darker, is messy, going in different directions. It is apparent Connor has just woken up. He’s wearing a set of what appears to be astronaut pajamas in gray and blue tones, his feet have socks with little spaceships on them and Oliver can’t breathe as he looks into Connor’s eyes, _his eyes_ , and sees a younger version of him staring back. He may be small and a bit too skinny for his age, but it doesn’t matter.

Oliver’s stared a hole in the pictures he has, but it wasn’t even close to the reality of it.

Connor is the best thing his eyes have ever fallen upon and he can’t believe he’s responsible for helping bring him to life.

His son is the _definition of perfection_.

He’s shaking and his eyes are burning from tears he’s trying to hold back in order to not spook Connor, who is looking at him with confusion written all over his little face as he stands there, fighting back a yawn.

“Hey, baby. Good morning! Are you feeling okay? Is something bothering you?” Felicity asks. Her go to reaction is to always know how Connor is feeling, the gut wrenching fear from the last few days making her even more of a hover as she debates what she should do as she stands up and walks towards him. Better yet, _how_ she should do it. Lying to Connor was never a viable option. They’re always truthful with each other and she doesn’t plan on changing that, ever. Her son is also too smart not to make the connection at some point. Besides, Oliver just assured her that he intends to have a relationship with Connor and while some people, aka her mother, would consider it a risk to tell Connor who Oliver really is this soon, she feels she can trust him for some unknown reason.

“Yeah, I feel fine… but mommy, who’s this?” Connor asks again, his little brow furrowed and he looks exactly like Oliver did a few minutes before.

As she turns to look at Oliver she feels all the air leave her lungs in a rush. He’s still sitting on the couch, but now facing Connor and his face is, for the first time, a completely open book. There are no walls or stiffness, just awe.

He looks absolutely stunned as he looks at their son. His eyes are shinning with tears and she can see him struggling to breathe as his fingers are furiously rubbing against each other. But what surprises her most is that Oliver is shaking. The same guy who didn’t react at all to the news he had an ill son, is now shaking and barely able to hold on to his control just from looking at Connor. It’s barely noticeable, but it’s there. His shoulders move slight, as does his throat and, his other hand even fisted can’t hide it. The more he looks at Connor, the more she sees the pure amazement on his face and wonders if that’s what _she_ looked like all those years ago when the nurse laid newborn Connor in her arms.

Is that what it looks like, falling in love with your child? Because the sight is beautiful and Felicity can feel herself get a bit choked up too. Forcing herself to turn back to Connor, Felicity answers, “Th-that is... He’s hmm, just got back in town after some long years away. His name is Oliver. Oliver Queen.” She can’t just blurt it all out, as far as Connor knows, his father is dead.

“Oh! Queen as in Thea Queen?” Connor says excitedly, walking in Oliver’s direction. “Hello, Mr. Queen. I’m Connor Smoak.” Offering Oliver his right hand, he continues. “Do you know Thea?”

Oliver knows what he needs to do. He needs to move and shake Connor’s hand. He needs to open his mouth and introduce himself properly and answer his son’s question.

But he can’t.

His brain and his body can’t seem to agree. 

Connor, who still has his hand outstretched, waiting for Oliver to shake it, starts looking unsure as he makes no move to greet him back. His little eyes start going from excited to cautious and guarded and sensing his son’s discomfort snaps Oliver out of whatever it is he is feeling. He doesn’t want the first impression Connor will have of him to be a negative one.

Clearing his throat and swallowing the lump formed there, Oliver takes a hold of Connor’s tiny hand as he says, voice raw with emotion, “Hello Connor. It’s nice to meet you and yes, Thea is my little sister. Please, call me Oliver. Mr. Queen was my father.”

“Okay Oliver!” Connor replies. After a beat he asks, “Is your daddy an angel too?”

“W-what?”

“Mommy told me daddy had to go to heaven and become an angel so he could look after me… is that what your dad had to do too?”

The lump is back and Oliver is at a loss of what to say. His son is standing in front of him and telling him that he thinks he’s dead. _You were,_ a voice whispers in the back of his mind. He doesn’t blame Felicity because as far as the world knew, he was dead with no hope of being found but it hurts to see how _okay_ with the idea of never meeting his dad, _him,_ Connor is. Not that Oliver wants him to suffer… never. But it feels like a stab in the gut to know that if only he had come home earlier…

“No, not exactly.” He doesn’t know what else to say. He doesn’t believe in heaven and he’s unaware of Felicity and Connor’s religious beliefs, if they even have any, so he doesn’t want to overstep.

Felicity knows Connor means no harm and she’s sure Oliver won’t blame him for his faux pas, but the last thing that needs to happen is a full Smoak babble. She already did enough for a day, so she decides to step in. “Connor honey, it’s not polite to ask such personal questions to someone you just met… we’ve been over this.”

Connor sheepishly looks at her as he says, “Sorry mommy!”

“It’s not me you should be apologizing to.” Felicity says, inclining her head in Oliver’s direction.

“It’s okay Connor, no harm done.” He was caught off guard, but Oliver knows Connor wasn’t trying to be noisy. He’s a child and being curious is a part of it. And being as smart and talkative as Thea told him Connor is, it’s no surprise he asked.

Seeing as his mother was still looking at him and expecting him to apologize, Connor turns to Oliver and says, “I’m sorry, Oliver.”

“It’s okay, buddy. As I said, no harm done. It was just a question.” Before Oliver knows what he’s doing, his hand moves to the top of Connor’s head and playfully messes his already unkempt hair a bit more.

It earns him a big smile from his son, which he unconsciously returns, before an unusual silence falls between the three of them.

It’s not uncomfortable per se, but it’s not as any silence Felicity experienced before.

Connor gave her the opening she needed to approach the topic of his father, of Oliver, not being as dead as they believed. Or at all. But how is she supposed to tell him that? He barely grasped the concept of his father passing away and now she’ll tell him it was all a mistake and his dad is here? Her son may be smarter than most four and a half years old but he’s still so young.

“Oh, pancakes!” Connor exclaims as he looks at the food spread on the kitchen counter. “Can I have pancakes, mommy? Pretty please?” He asks, looking at her and giving her _the_ eyes.

“Of course you’d focus on the pancakes, you pancake monster!” Felicity replies as she tickles the side of his belly a little, a laugh escaping him and knowing Connor’s shameless tactic of giving her _the_ eyes is going to work easily today. She really needs to reestablish their routine, since Thursday he’s ate way too much out of his diet. _But not today,_ she thinks as she stands up and says, “Yes, you can! But after today it’s back to your diet, Connor. No more pancakes until Thursday.”

“Do you want pancakes too, Oliver? I love pancakes! They’re my favorite food ever! I wish I could eat them every day but mommy says I have to eat healthy since the doctor told her it’s important because I’m sick. So we have pancake Thursdays. They’re THE best day of the week because there’s no diet and I can basically eat anything I want as long as it’s on the list. Do you like pancakes, too? I love the banana ones but mommy prefers chocolate chip… what about you?” Connor asks Oliver in one breathe and Felicity, who somehow for a moment forgot he was there watching them, has got to give him props for not looking stupefied at that babble.

Oliver knows eating is not something he does outside of the bare necessary, but he does remember enjoying it years ago, even as a child. “I’m not much of an eater these days, but when I was your age banana pancakes were also my favorite. My sister on the other hand, used to prefer waffles.” He says, finally getting up from the couch. He’s not sure what to do with himself, Connor and Felicity clearly have a routine and he feels like an intruder as he just awkwardly stands there.

“Cool! Thea needs better taste, just like mommy.” Connor replies as he climbs one of the chairs in order to reach the food.

“Connor!” Felicity exclaims before turning to Oliver. “I’m sorry Oliver, I don’t know what’s got into him this morning” She says as she gives Connor another _you know better than this_ look before continuing. “…he’s usually much more behaved. I’m so sorry.”

“Felicity, it is fine. Don’t worry about it.” Oliver replies with a voice clearly full of held in laughter. “I do agree with him though. You and Thea need better breakfast food choices!”

“See, mommy! Oliver agrees with me.” Connor triumphantly replies as he puts two pancakes on a plate.

Before he can make a mess, Felicity moves to help him with the syrup. “Well, it’s still not the nicest thing to say, especially when his sister isn’t here to defend herself. Also, how _do_ you know his sister, mister?” It didn’t register with her before, as she was too distracted by Oliver’s reaction to seeing Connor for the first time, but she’d definitely remember if they had bumped into Thea Queen at any point in their lives.

Connor, knowing his mom is still a bit ticked off by his recent comments, decides it’s better to use his manners well. He doesn’t want to get in trouble or look like a bad boy in front of Oliver. He likes him. He isn’t as outgoing as Uncle Ronnie or silly as Uncle Barry or funny as Uncle Cisco, but he’s always paying attention to him and he likes that. He isn’t sure yet, but there’s something different about Oliver and just like mommy keeps saying, mysteries have to be solved. _Mommy never brings business to the house if she can help it, much less on weekends, so there has to be something going on_ , he thinks as he dips a piece of his pancake on the puddle of syrup on his plate. “I met her the day Ms. Carly was looking after me at Big Belly. Mr. Dig introduced us.” He says before eating the syrup drenched piece of pancake.

Felicity waits for him to say something else, wanting to know _more_ but Connor seems satisfied with his brief explanation and too focused on his food. She turns to Oliver. “I know you said you weren’t hungry but please, take a seat.” She says, pointing to one of the chairs. He looks awkward standing there in the middle of the living room _and huge_ , her traitor brain supplies before she can stop herself. She wants him to be comfortable here, even if Connor waking up put a bit of a break on their conversation.

“Thank you, Felicity.” Oliver says, taking the invite as the opening it’s meant to be. He doesn’t really know what to do with himself. At the same time he wants Connor to talk about anything he wants through as many cute babbles as possible so he can learn more about him, he also wants to hug him and never let go. It surprises him, since he can’t remember the last time he earned for any type of physical contact that wasn’t sexual. It also unsettles him to be this emotional, this _needy_. “Mr. Diggle works as my sister’s bodyguard from time to time and, according to her, Big Belly is the best burger in town, so she asked him to drive her there and he introduced Connor when they all bumped into each other.” He says to Felicity, who has one of the worst poker faces he’s seen and couldn’t hide her curiosity for more.

“Oh! That’s a good “Oh!”… I mean, I’m glad he’s met her. Your sister.” She stutters a bit. “I hope you don’t mind if I eat too. I haven’t had a chance yet.” _Nor would my nerves allow me to._ She’s still a bit nervous on how to break the news to Connor, but knowing Oliver has nothing but good intentions and seeing how enamored he already is with their son has allowed much of her nervousness to go away.

“Yeah!” He says with a bit of wistfulness in his voice. He can’t wait to be the one with Connor knowledge to share. “She was enchanted by him. Couldn’t stop telling me how smart and well-mannered he is.” It feels impolite to be the only one not eating, and though most times it doesn’t agree with him and the two bits of Big Belly he had with Thea yesterday were enough for the day, he decides to try and have a couple bits. “Would you mind passing the syrup, buddy? You can’t have pancakes without syrup.” He says after getting a single pancake for himself and trying not to feel self-conscious, knowing Felicity is surprised and trying not to stare since he did tell her about his lack of eating habits.

“Here you go, Oliver.” Connor replies as he watches Oliver add banana slices to his pancake and some syrup. “I like you.” Connor says with a nod of approval as he goes back to his food and asks Felicity if he can have more juice.

Oliver freezes for a second. He knows Connor doesn’t mean anything by it. He’s a child and as far as he’s concerned liking someone is as simply as sharing a favorite kind of breakfast food, but to him it means the world.

It means more than he can express in words.

Connor may not know who he is, but any kind of affection from his son warms him from the inside out.

And, without fully realizing it yet, or for a long time, Oliver Queen became an entirely new person.

His core was intrinsically altered.

He now knows what it was all for.

All the suffering and pain he endured were suddenly worth it, because it was his ability to withstand it, to survive it that brought him to this moment.

The moment he got to meet his son.

It was more than life changing.

It was rebirth.

Like a Fenix that is reborn from their own ashes, Oliver was reborn by falling in love with his son.

Now he needs to figure out how to live again.

 

<->

 

“Mrs. Queen?”

“Yes?” Moira answers as Raisa appears at the doorway of her bedroom.

“Dr. Lamb just called to inform he has the results you requested. He said he tried your personal number and Mr. Oliver’s but had no luck. He asked for you to call him as soon as you can, ma’am.”

“Thank you, Raisa. One more thing, is Thea up yet?”

“Ms. Thea has yet to leave her room.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Mrs. Queen.” Raisa replies as she turns to leave, closing the door behind her as she does.

Thea has been giving Moira the cold shower since Friday after Oliver told her about Connor Smoak and Moira is tired of it.

Thea may not understand her reasons, which is fine with her. She doesn’t need her choices to be validated, but it’s bothersome when your only daughter will go out of her way to avoid you. So she’s decided to try and talk to Thea to clear the air.

They’re so incredibly different.

Her daughter is all heart while she’s rational even in her love.

It’s one of the many reasons they clash most times about the simplest things.

Except this time it’s bigger than everything, it’s about family and Moira isn’t about to create more problems between them.

This is their chance to start over, their chance to put some of their demons behind and reemerge as an united front, and it won’t slip through her fingers.

But first she needs to call Dr. Lamb.

She’d call Oliver too, but he made it absolutely clear he wasn’t to be disturbed under any circumstances. He’s at Felicity Smoak’s place and, while she may not agree, she can’t deny him the chance to possibly enjoy himself after years of painful memories and human estrangement.

In less than five minutes, it’s decided Dr. Lamb will personally bring her the results, both not willing to risk anyone else finding out what they are really about this soon.

Moira knows talking to Thea is important, but the DNA results take priority over her daughter.

 

<->

 

 _This is nice,_ Felicity thinks as she, Oliver and Connor finish having breakfast together.  

No one is talking much and it’s a bit awkward, or it may just be the fact they’re not used to each other and she is hyper aware of Oliver’s presence and making it weird herself, but it’s still nice.

It’s also funny how not sneaky Connor’s turning out to be. He’s usually much better at keeping his cool even if he can’t fool her.

He keeps looking at Oliver to see what he’s doing with his food and trying to copy him. After he saw Oliver improvising a banana pancake he asked if he could have the same. It’s endearing to see how Connor is taking to Oliver so fast. It’s also a relief to have been able to clear the air about his intentions before Connor woke up. She can’t imagine what she’d do if Oliver had decided not to be a part of Connor’s life while watching her son be so enamored with him. Although Oliver has closed himself off from the emotional outpour meeting Connor instigated, the fact he’s offered to help Connor with the banana along with his face from before makes her certain the feeling is mutual.

As she stands to collect their plates and put them in the sink, _she’ll worry about dishes later_ , Oliver also gets up and offers to help. “No, please, you’re a guest. I’m just going to put them in the sink. I’ll be back in a jiff.” _In a jiff? Really Felicity?_

“Hey Oliver?” Connor asks.

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Do you like superheroes?”

It’s such a simple and innocent question, but the idea of superheroes hasn’t entered Oliver’s mind in ages. He stopped believing in superpowers before he reached his teens and his five years away taught him there is no such thing as heroes or even good people. Everyone has evil inside of them as much as good and the world is full of grey areas. “When I was your age I used to love them. My best friend and I used to play superheroes all the time.”

“Really? What’s your favorite? Mine is superman. He’s just the best and he has the coolest superpowers. He can fly, has super strength, nothing but kryptonite can beat him, he has x-ray and heat vision, cold breath. My best friend AJ loves batman. Uncle Barry loves The Flash while Uncle Ronnie prefers Firestorm and Uncle Cisco likes Vibe the best. I think they’re lame when compared to Superman. I wish I could be as invincible as superman so I wouldn’t be sick anymore. Mommy got me _the_ coolest costume for Halloween in a couple days. Though I can’t go trick or treating because I can’t eat the candy, I’m excited to dress up anyway.” Connor goes on until his face is a bit red from either excitement or from talking so fast, Oliver can’t be sure.

His son can certainly talk. “My favorite has always been superman too.” It’s nice to know he and Connor have more in common than appearance and breakfast food, and, even if it’s nothing of significance so far, it’s at least something he can use to get to know his son better. “I’m pretty sure I still have some old comics in my house. Would you be interested in seeing them?” He’s not sure if this is overstepping, but the idea of bonding with his son is too strong to contain and the words are out of his mouth before he can control them. The spontaneous reaction Connor is evoking from him is as surprising as it’s unsettling. 

He feels Felicity’s presence before she utters a word.

“Yeah!” Connor says, almost jumping out of his chair in excitement. He turns to look at his mom as he asks, “Can I, mommy? Please?”

Even if Oliver’s good at covering his emotions, his eyes give him away and she can see he is as anxious about her answer as their son. “I’m sure we can set something up, baby.”

“Cool! Oliver, do you like boats?”

Felicity feels herself freeze. She should’ve known Connor would mention boats at some point. Besides loving them, he tells everyone he meets how he’s building a motor one himself. Oliver’s face gives nothing away, but his fingers are doing the rubbing thing and she’s pretty sure it’s an involuntary thing he does when he feels corned in a situation. She doesn’t even know what to say to make this better because technically Connor did nothing wrong and she doesn’t want to pressure Oliver either.

A flash of the Gambit going down and Sara Lance being sucked out of it appears in front of his eyes before he remembers where he is and _who_ is watching him. If Felicity thinks he’s unstable she may not want him close to Connor and after meeting him, Oliver already can’t imagine his life without the little boy in it. He also doesn’t want to scare Connor. Thea told him about Connor’s boat and he was sure he was prepared. He is. He just needs a second to shake it off. As he pictures himself nocking and shooting an arrow, he feels a bit of the tension leave him. He needs to set up a shooting range soon. “I admit I’m not much of a fan of them these days, buddy.” _To put it mildly,_ he thinks darkly. “But I heard you’re building one yourself. Is it true?” He questions, trying to infuse a lightness he doesn’t feel in his voice.

He doesn’t know what he said wrong, but Connor knows there’s something because mommy is looking uncomfortable and Oliver just sounds weird. He was about to take it back when Oliver answered him, so he thinks it’s better to act like nothing happened since Oliver’s trying to pretending so hard it’s okay. But even then, Connor can’t hide the uneasiness in his voice as he answers. “Hmmm, yeah, I am. It’s a motor boat. Mommy’s helping with the really hard parts, but I’m trying to do it myself if I can.” Usually he’d go on a babble, but he isn’t sure of what to say not to make this even weirder.

It’s clear to Oliver that Connor is extremely perceptive and is not only aware of the slightly awkward mood that’s fallen between the three of them, but is trying to avoid saying much. Despite his uncontrollable flashback, this is the last thing he wants. “That sounds awesome, buddy. Do you think you could show me? I was never really good at putting things together.” It’s true. He’s always been more about destroying, whether it’s toys as a child, expensive material things as he grew up or people he got close to, the end result was almost always the same, but he doesn’t want it to happen now. He wants to make this work. He wants to nurture and grow a healthy relationship with not only Connor but Felicity too. She’s his mother and they’ll always be in each other’s lives. “I’d like it if you could explain some of it to me, maybe I’ll learn something.”

It seems to be the right thing to say, because Connor is scrambling out of his chair as he runs in the direction of his room, despite Felicity’s warning for him not to run inside the house, and yelling over his shoulder. “Yeah, of course I can. Wait here with mommy and I’ll call you when you can come in, okay?”

“Okay.” He says but is sure Connor didn’t hear him.

“I feel like a broken record, but I’m sorry about him asking, you know… I’m sure hmm, boats isn’t a good subject for you. Not that I’m judging, I’m not. But I can imagine it’s not pleasant.” Felicity says to try and break the silence.

“It’s fine, Felicity. Thea told me about how Connor adores boats, especially the one you two are working on. I’m fine.”

“If you say so.” She doesn’t believe him, but it’s also not her place to push. “I’m thinking that we can just go to Connor’s room and maybe bring the subject up and tell him you’re his father.” She says, whispering the last word, knowing Connor wouldn’t be able to hear them but also not wanting to risk it.

“You want to tell him now?”

“Yes. My number one parenting rule is that we don’t lie to each other in this house and omission is a lie, so I’m not going to break it. You said you want to be a part of his life from now on, and I feel like I can trust you, which is why I want him to know sooner rather than later.” She says, no shred of a doubt in her voice, before continuing and doing her best impression of a loud voice without the loudness. “I hope you honor this trust and don’t hurt him, because if you do, believe me I will make you regret it. I may not look like much, but you give me a computer and I can destroy your entire life.” She finishes as she stares at Oliver, hard.

Oliver would never guess that babbling Felicity Smoak had such a strong back bone inside her. It’s a nice surprise and he can see how she’s been able to do this alone for so long. As he’s learned, looks are extremely deceiving. The trust she’s putting in him is also appreciated. There aren’t many people willing to trust others they barely know, especially when it’s someone with his past. “I promise you Felicity, that as long as there’s a heart beating inside my chest, I’ll do whatever I can to avoid letting Connor down. I know you don’t know me and my past is more than damaging, but he’s my family and by extension, so are you, and I’ll do my very best by both of you.”

She wasn’t expecting to be included, but it’s good to know he’s willing to forge a good partner relationship with her in order to, perhaps, start co-parenting Connor in the future. “Great. I’m glad we settled that. Do you have any objections or requests?”

“Nothing comes to mind as of now. I didn’t think we’d be doing it this soon, but as I said earlier, you’re his mother and you know him best, so I’ll just follow your lead.”

“Okay, but I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t speak up. If this is going to work, we need to be able to communicate. I know we haven’t really had a chance to talk, but I couldn’t get a babysitter to watch him when he’s sick, so I hope you don’t mind postponing it a bit more. He’s been in there for a while now, want to go check on him and get this show on the road?”

“Sure.” He says as he moves to her side. “It’s not a problem, especially if it means spending time with Connor.” Before she can start walking though, he touches her shoulder, making her turn to look up at him. “Thank you, Felicity.”

“For what?”

“For being so accommodating when you don’t have to.” He says before letting go of her and indicating they should go with a tilt of his head. There’s more he wants to say, but now isn’t the time and he doesn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable.

“Oh! It’s no problem.” She struggles a little with the words, feeling flustered from the way he keeps saying her name like something precious. Shaking her head to avoid any more unwanted thoughts, they both start moving in the direction of Connor’s room.

 

<->

 

“Thea, sweetheart, can we talk?” Moira asks as she makes her way to the dining room, where Raisa told her Thea was having breakfast.

“So now you want to talk to me?” Thea snips.

“I suppose that’s understandable, but unfair.” Moira replies, resting her hands on top of the chair opposite from the one Thea’s sitting on.

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say and Thea gives her a glare that could freeze hell itself before unleashing, anger dripping from every word.

“Unfair? You always keep me out of the loop, treating me like my opinion doesn’t matter and letting everyone know about whatever is happening in this family before me. You didn’t tell me Ollie was alive until he was on a plane halfway home already. Ollie told me how you didn’t want me to know about Connor, _my sick newfound nephew_ , until a stupid piece of paper confirmed something we all know is true. So yeah, I doubt you want to talk to me.” Her mother is unbelievable. She really doesn’t understand why she hasn’t wanted to talk to her since Friday.

“Thea, I don’t want to fight. I-”

“Great. Then you can leave me alone now.” She snaps, angrily ripping her croissant apart in the process and ignoring her mother’s presence.

“That’s enough, Thea. I was only trying to protect you. I didn’t want you to have false hope.” Moira tries to explain.

“No, you didn’t want me to know. Otherwise you’d have told me about Ollie when you knew it was him and not when he was already on his way home. You also would have been there when he told me about Connor. It’s all about you, you and YOU.”

“I wish you’d see my actions for what they are, but maybe when you have your own children you will. The last thing I ever want is to hurt either you or your brother. Everything I do is with this family’s best interest at heart.”

“Yeah, right.” _Her eyes may be stuck to the back of her head from rolling them so hard_ , Thea thinks bitterly. It’s always about what Moira wants, and Moira thinks… to hell with anyone else.

“I’m sorry you feel that way and I’m sorry I hurt you with the choices I’ve made, regardless of my intentions. I was hoping we could maybe spend the afternoon together. We haven’t gone shopping together in a while. Maybe you can tell me what your birthday plans are in a couple of weeks.”

Thea looks torn. Although spending time with her mother is what she’s always wanted, she doesn’t want to appear weak. _But she just apologized and she seems to be telling the truth_. “Yeah, sure.” She replies nonchalantly.

“Good.” Moira says with a smile on her face. “Dr. Lamb is coming over with the DNA results, but it shouldn’t take long. We can leave right after.”

“Already? Ollie and I just went in yesterday.” Thea replies, sounding confused.

“I had some strings pulled.”

“Of course.”

“Thea…”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to sound snippy. I’ll finish eating and then get ready.”

“I have to make some calls, but I’ll inform you when we can leave.” She replies before turning to leave.

They still a long way to go in order to build a good relationship. Thea’s reaction to her pulling some strings and the hurt shining through her words making it clear it’s not as simple as an apology, but for now it’s a good start.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, after all.

 

<->

 

“Hey baby, can we come in?” Felicity asks as she and Oliver stop at the threshold of Connor’s bedroom. Well, he’s a step behind her because there’s no way his gargantuan self would be able to share the space with her, no matter how tiny she is compared to him. _At least under platonic circumstances. Shut up, brain!,_ She reprimands herself. Now is not the time… or ever!

Connor is sitting on the floor in the middle of his room, boat pieces around him as he tries his best to assemble what he has so he can show it to Oliver.

They were waiting for Connor to call them as he’d asked, but the little boy was taking too long and Felicity started to worry. Besides, she feels it’s better to break the news in an environment where Connor feels safe and comfortable. And although she knows he’s a hundred percent comfortable in their home, she is also aware of how his room is his favorite space. Oliver, being the accommodating person he’s showing himself to be when Connor is involved so far, to her complete bafflement, allows her to take the reins of the conversation.

“No, mommy! It’s not ready yet! You were supposed to wait!” Connor replies, waving his little arms in a shoo motion while trying to hide what he’s accomplished with his small body.

“It’s okay, buddy! You can show me how you’re putting it together too. Can I sit with you?” Oliver interjects, motioning to the spot on the floor beside Connor.

“Yeah, I guess.” Connor replies after a moment as he pats the spot next to him. “You too, mommy. I need your help, please!”

“Sure, sweetheart.” She answers, as she carefully sits down, trying to avoid any disasters with her dress. “What seems to be the problem?”

“I can’t get this piece to fit like we did the other day. The engine is also not working and I followed the instructions as you said.”

“Well, let me see this piece and I promise we’ll work on the engine tomorrow, okay?” She says, running a hand on top of his head before moving to examine said parts. Connor was probably in a hurry to assemble everything, which is why he couldn’t get it to fit, but in two twists Felicity has it done. “There, honey.” She says, look towards Oliver over the top of Connor’s head and giving a barely perceptible nod. “There’s actually something Oliver and I wanted to talk to you about, baby.”

“Is he your boyfriend?” Connor questions as he looks between them.

“What?” Felicity screeches. _Is that what he is thinking? That she and Oliver are together?_

Seeing as Felicity was too astonished to actually form words, Oliver steps in as he tries to not be offended at her reaction. I mean, she felt attracted enough to him at one point and the living proof is staring at them. “No, buddy. Your mom and I are not a couple.”

“Oh!” He deflates.

“You thought we were dating?” Felicity questions.

“Yeah. You almost never bring business home, much less on weekends and the only guys that visit us are my uncles, grandpa Joe and Mr. Dig when he picks A.J. up…” Connor trails off unsurely.

“Hmm, no baby! Oliver was away for a long time and he just got home.” She replies before realizing what it may sound like. “Not that I intend on dating him… I don’t mean to say you aren’t attractive, Oliver because you really are, but I just meant that this isn’t about us. Not as in us together _together_. It’s about us as in the three of us. As a unit. Please, interrupt me!”

“Felicity, breathe.”

“Mommy your face is really red.” Connor says as he moves one of his hands to her cheek. “And warm” He continues as a giggle escapes him.

As if embarrassing herself in front of Oliver with their son present wasn’t enough now she’s a laughing stock. _I really wish the ground would swallow me. Right now._

“Sorry to break it to you, but it won’t.” An amused Oliver says to her despair as her brain to mouth filter fails her yet again.

“Yeah, don’t be silly mommy.”

“You two think this is funny?”

“Yes!” They answer together, faces holding the exactly same bemused expression and somehow, she doesn’t care about being a laughing stock if she can put that look on their faces.

“As much as I enjoy being your personal entertainment, we need to tell you something Connor.”

“Okay.”

“Remember when I told you that your dad had to become an angel and go to heaven?”

He nods.

“Well, what would you think if I told you it’d be possible for you to meet him?” She asks as she caresses his little cheek with her thumb.

A beat passes and then, “Does that mean I’m not getting better? That I’m going to heaven too?” He questions, sadness coloring his tone and taking hold of him as he looks at them, biting his bottom lip and trying to hold the tears shining in his eyes in. “I don’t want to leave you, mommy!” His little voice trembles when he speaks.

“No, honey.”

“No, Connor.”

Felicity and Oliver vehemently deny at the same time, no hesitation in their voices.

Acting purely on her motherly instinct, and without realizing what she’s doing, Felicity has Connor sitting on her lap sideways, his little feet stretched and touching Oliver’s jean covered thigh. She moves both hands to either one of his cheeks, wiping a tear that escaped, before replying with tears in her voice, but also absolutely conviction. “Sweetheart, you’re not going to heaven. Okay?! One day, but not now. You’re not leaving me nor am I leaving you. We Smoaks are stuck together like superglue. I can’t guarantee you’ll recover, you know that, but there are still options to explore. Mommy is going to fight to her dying breath for you, okay?”

Nodding his head and whispering an “okay” Connor moves both his arms to intertwine their fingers, hugging them to his chest and resting his face on top of Felicity’s breasts. “So how would I be able to see daddy? I thought you couldn’t come back from heaven.” He says confused, a bit of trepidation still in his voice.

Oliver wants to hold Connor so much, but he doesn’t want to force something yet or risk having Connor reject him. That’d be something he doesn’t think he’d be able to recover from. Besides, if his need is this strong in hours, he can’t begin to imagine how Felicity is feeling. Settling for a small touch, he touches Connor’s ankle. This is turning into an absolute disaster. How Connor came to such an awful conclusion when Felicity mentioned seeing his dad, _him,_ he’ll never know, but he and Felicity never wanted this, now or ever. Connor cannot die. He’s never been surer of anything in his entire life. He will do _whatever_ it takes to find him a cure.

 _Oliver and I haven’t even told him anything and we’re messing it up already. This is the second time I make my son think he’s dying. What the hell is wrong with me?_ Felicity wonders as she tries to come up with the right way to do this. “You don’t, honey.” She says, untangling one of their hands and moving it to circle his tiny waist and hold him a bit closer. “Once you go to heaven, you can’t come back. The thing is your daddy isn’t in heaven. Turns out he never was. He was just lost for a long time, but some nice people found him so he’s home now.”

“But if he’s not in heaven as an angel then who’ll protect me?”

“He will protect you from here. He can be your dad and look after you while being able to spend time with you. Would you like that, honey?” She asks, lightly squeezing his side. She’s always careful when hugging Connor, knowing how the constant pain bothers him despite his lack of complaints.

It’s silent for few moments, the only sound is their breathing before Connor is turning to Oliver and bluntly asking, “You’re my daddy then Oliver?”

 _Let it be said that Connor’s intelligence and penchant for solving mysteries should never be underestimated,_ Felicity immediately thinks.

“I-I… Yes, I am your dad, buddy.” He says, overcome with emotion by the hopeful determination on his son’s face. The want there almost overwhelms him, and he assumes his face looks the same. “I’m just really sorry I couldn’t be here before, but if you want me to, I’ll be here from now on.”

“Does that mean you can play with me? I only have AJ as a friend and mommy plays with me too but she doesn’t get the fun of some things and she’s clumsy. Grandma always plays with me too but she doesn’t visit often and she wears some weird shoes. And the rest of our family lives in Central City, so we don’t see them a lot either, though my uncles are the best at playing. Uncle Ronnie used to play baseball with me when I still could while Uncle Barry and Uncle Cisco did science stuff and comics. Grandpa Joe let me touch his badge once, he’s works with the police and it was so cool!” He starts speaking fast, without taking a breath as he moves from Felicity’s lap and kneels in front of Oliver, sitting on the back of his legs with something akin to nervous energy bursting from him. As he looks up at Oliver, he continues, this time with some hesitancy in his tone. “I don’t know what it is, but I remember some people from my school saying they have father son days where they go do stuff together… would we be able to have those too? I know I can’t play like normal kids, but I think I’d like it. Would you want to, daddy?”

Hearing her son speak about his lack of friendships breaks her heart. His illness keeps taking and taking and there’s nothing she can do. It’s not his fault that the only kid from his school that didn’t mind staying in on play dates was AJ. She wishes there was more she could do, because the last thing she wants is for her son to grow up as isolated as she did. He’s such a brave and amazing kid who deserves better than this.

_Daddy._

Connor just called him _daddy_ , and it’s an amazing thing to hear. He never imagined he’d feel so glad to be called daddy or have a chance to after the Gambit went down, but he here is, sitting on the floor of his son’s room with him staring and calling him daddy, face open and heart on his sleeve waiting for Oliver to answer. His vision is blurry when he does, voice heavy. “Of course, I would. I’d go anywhere as long as you’re with me, son.”

“Cool! I can call you daddy, right? You don’t mind?” Connor questions, as if it dawns on him that Oliver may not be okay with such thing.

“You can call me whatever you want, buddy… but nothing will make me happier than being called daddy. It’s something I love hearing.” Oliver replies as he moves his hands to Connor’s shoulders and squeezes gently. He knows he needs to be careful for two main reasons: he’s used to using his strength to the maximum in order to survive and Connor’s medical files had notes on how his son feels constant pain in his bones and the last thing he wants in to hurt him in any way. So it catches him by surprise when Connor jumps to hug him with all the strength his small body can muster.

“I’m glad you’re here, daddy. I’ve always wanted to meet you.” Connor voice gets muffled by his neck, but Oliver has always had sharp hearing.

“I’m glad I’m here too, son.”

A sniff breaks through their moment, and as Oliver looks up, with Connor still in his arms, he sees Felicity trying to wipe and hide her tears. “Sorry. Sorry.” She says, voice a bit raw. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

It’s surprisingly overwhelming to see Oliver and Connor together. Although her son is an outgoing child, he usually keeps his feeling to himself until he feels completely comfortable with someone, but in Oliver’s case it was instantaneous. _Maybe he felt he could trust Oliver even without knowing him well, just as I did._ Also, this Oliver is so different from the one she met at Queen Consolidated. He doesn’t seem stiff or self-contained and though the moment he met Connor and now are the only ones she’s sure she’s read him right, it’s an amazing thing to see. She doesn’t know the demons he carries, but she sure hopes Connor can be a guiding light out of the darkness for him.

 

<->

 

Tommy Merlyn hasn’t seen his recently returned from the dead best friend since Thursday when they went to the city so he could try and catch Oliver up on things.

His father really had the worst timing in the world.

After weeks of no direct contact but messages from his secretary letting him know Malcolm wouldn’t be able to make it to dinner or how Tommy’s presence was requested at a fundraiser so they could appear to be a happy family, his father decided Thursday evening was the perfect time to drop the news on Tommy.

Arriving back from the Queens after dinner to see his father waiting for him with papers to sign so he could shut down his mother’s last remaining physical presence was a blow he hadn’t prepared himself to take.

Despite everything, he never thought his father would stoop _this_ low.

He knows there’s nothing he can do to ever _not_ be a disappointment in Malcolm’s book, but his father is asking for a fight if he thinks Tommy will let him close his mother’s clinic in the Glades because it’s not bringing in a profit.

 _It’s a fucking charity. It’s not supposed to bring in a profit._ He remembers thinking bitterly as soon as Malcolm explained his so called reasoning.

After she passed away and his father disappeared for two whole years without an explanation or a phone call to check in, Tommy realized that, if not for the Queens, who insisted on having him live with them when they learned Malcolm had left, he was on his own.

He will never be able to express his gratitude for having their support after losing not only his mother but his father too, which is one of the reasons he made sure to be there as much as he could for Moira and Thea after Robert and Oliver were proclaimed dead, despite his own grief.

There really is nothing Tommy won’t do for them. They aren’t his blood, but they’re the only family he has. Malcolm is merely a sperm donor since he came back. There was nothing of the father he remembered. He was cold and calculating, always putting the Merlyn legacy and himself before anyone else.

No matter how hard Tommy tried, he could never live up to his father’s expectations or do anything right, to the point avoidance is the only thing they agree on. The less contact they have, the better.

The last couple of days have been nothing but fights, screaming matches and threats to cut him off if he didn’t sign the damn papers, which he hasn’t, nor does he plan to.

The Queens mandatory Sunday family dinner could not have come at a better time. He needed a break from his father’s nagging and a chance to try and come up with a plan to change his mind.

For months after the Gambit went down, Moira had no desire to leave her room for anything, so Tommy took it on himself to show up and have dinner with then eleven year old Thea. Although Raisa insists on being professional even if she’s family to them all, she agreed to eat with him and Thea the first couple of months. It wasn’t the same, it never would be and, in the beginning, Thea would barely talk. But with time, it helped all of them. Moira joined them and, later on, so did Walter. It was quieter and Moira and Thea may not get along all the time, but they always showed up.

It wasn’t perfect, nor had it ever been, even before the Gambit went down, but it’s his family and he loves them regardless.

Not to say Tommy didn’t have a hard time, because he did. He lost himself in the women, who were inconsolable after Oliver’s funeral or just wanted to spend the night with the only remaining billionaire heir in the city, and the booze and the parties, but even amidst it all Thea was his biggest priority.

He got laid a lot in an attempt to fill the holes inside himself, even more than he did when he had Oliver as his wing men, but years ago he accepted the fact that no amount of sex or alcohol would heal him, so he decided to find something that would.

Turns out, his mother’s charity was the answer, which is another reason his father doesn’t know what’s coming his way.

But tonight is the first time Oliver will join them and he can only hope it goes better than his welcome home dinner.

After parking and greeting Raisa, he makes his way to Oliver’s room, knocking three times before hearing his best friend telling him to come in.

“Hey buddy, how are you doing?”

“Tommy, hey. I didn’t know you were coming.”

“It’s Sunday. We all have dinner together on Sundays. I-hmm, I hope that’s still okay.” He says, uncertainty coloring his last words. He knows his best friend isn’t the same person anymore. Their outing the other day just proved how, though they had moments resembling their old ones, Oliver wasn’t the same easy going, careless guy from five years ago… and neither was he for that matter.

They are both different people who don’t know each other well anymore, but their bond is too deep to break. They just have to reconnect, get to know who they’ve become and he hopes Oliver wants that as well.

Oliver has been in a state of elated disbelief since getting home from Felicity’s place. He spent the entire afternoon with his son and he can’t wait to see him again. It surpassed any scenarios he was able to come up with beforehand and he feels high on happiness. It’s been years since he felt anything close to it and, even then it never felt so pure like this. He can say he’s distracted, which is why it takes him a bit of time to realize he may have come off standoffish to Tommy, which was never his intention. “Of course, it is. You know this is as much your house as it’s mine.”

A sigh of relief escapes Tommy before he goes back to his happy go lucky self. “So buddy about your welcome home bash…”

“Wait, my what?”

“You came back from the dead! This calls for a party! I meant to mention it before but it totally escaped my mind. You tell me when and where and I’ll take care of everything.”

Running a hand on the back of his head, Oliver says, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Tommy.”

“Come on, dude! No better way to get you back in the game.”

“That’s the thing, I’m not sure I want to get back in the game right now.” _Or ever._ Oliver thinks.

“Oh… I guess that’s okay then. I just thought it’d be fun but it’s up to you.” _Apparently bonding over parties isn’t an option anymore… so what is?,_ Tommy ponders. It’s not that he and Oliver ever had a lack of things to talk about, but partying was a sure way to get things going. The few times they fought when younger, the promise of a party was the easiest way to clear the air. He’s at a bit of a loss now. Tommy may still go out and have meaningless sex from time to time, but the idea of a huge bash is more to try and find some old common ground between them instead of a real desire to get drunk one more time.

Oliver knows it’d be fun, Tommy’s parties always are, but his focus is on Connor for the foreseeable future. “There’s something I need to tell you, which I found out a couple days ago.” He also knows that despite Tommy’s insistence of throwing a party, he’s not the same guy anymore either. It’d definitely be the easiest way to bound again, but he hopes they can build something more solid this time around. That doesn’t mean Oliver won’t try his best to get to know this new Tommy and hope he’ll do the same. They’re family after all.

“Remember that time I went to Vegas for a few days after Laurel and I broke up for the final time? You planned on coming but had to stay because your dad showed up last minute? It was a couple weeks before dad and I boarded the Gambit?”

It catches Tommy by surprise, Oliver mentioning the Gambit so flippantly when a couple days ago ice descended on the dining room from Thea’s question, but after a few seconds he answers. “Yeah… I think I do! You lost thousands on the poker table, right?”

“Yes, I did.” Oliver cringes as he remembers how careless his younger pre-island self was. “I met a girl there. I think I mentioned her to you. Felicity was her name.”

Oliver was never short of women before the island, but he spent _days_ locked up in a hotel room with this girl. A rarity, since usually they all overstayed their welcome by brunch time. It was also his last Vegas trip and the last girl he hooked up with before taking Sara Lance on that cursed boat with him. Tommy may not remember a lot, but he recalls parts of it.

“Yeah… sunshine hair girl, right?! What about her?”

Oliver cannot believe Tommy remembers that. He mentioned Felicity’s bright hair in passing _one time_ … then again, it’s _Tommy_. It’s nice to know some things don’t change. “Well, I bumped into her at QC after you dropped me off… and found out I have a son. Felicity got pregnant. Connor is four and a half.”

The silent is deafening as he waits for Tommy to say something.

Tommy’s face is the same as when they were younger and were told they needed to pass at least one class that wasn’t PE if they didn’t want to be sent to separate boarding schools. His eyebrows are crunched up, his mouth slightly open and he looks like he was hit by a truck to be honest, when he musters up the words, “Holy shit! Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” He knows Tommy doesn’t mean any harm and it’s mostly the shock talking but every time someone questions Connor’s paternity it unsettles him. After today, he wants the entire world to know that he has a son and how amazing the little boy is. Grabbing the picture from his desk, he hands it to Tommy. “This is him.”

“Holy shit, Oliver! He looks just like you when we were little. Wow!”

“He does, doesn’t he?” It will never not awe him when someone mentions how alike Connor is to him. Or make him feel proud to be associated with the perfect little boy. “But that’s not all.”

“Felicity had twins?” Tommy jokes, but looking at the dark look that befalls Oliver’s face he amends, “Sorry. What else is there?”

“Connor is pretty sick. He has leukemia.”

“Holy shit.”

Oliver says nothing, but the look he gives Tommy is enough to freeze the sun.

“Sorry, you know I’m not the best at reacting to unexpected news.” Tommy says, his voice deadly serious as he continues after a few more moments go by. “When are we getting tested?”

“What?” Oliver asks, confusion coloring his tone.

“I assume he’ll need a transplant and the reason his mom got in touch was so you could get tested, right?”

“Yes. How did you know that?” Oliver replies baffled.

“I’ve been working at my mom’s clinic in the Glades for a couple years now… I’ve picked up some stuff. So yeah, when are we going?”

“We? Tommy, the chance of you being compatible is slim to none. I mean, my chances aren’t that great and I’m his father.” It’s a depressing thought to express. Oliver knows the situation isn’t in their favor and he let the happiness from spending time with Connor earlier obfuscate reality.

“It doesn’t matter. If there’s a one in a billion chance, I’ll do it. You’re my family, which means that Connor is also my family… and family sticks together.”

Oliver doesn’t know what he expected, but the absolute conviction on his best friend’s voice after so many years moves him, deeply. “Thank you Tommy. I don’t know what to say.” He replies with emotion clear on his voice as he moves to hug Tommy.

As they embrace, Tommy’s words reverberate in the room, “And you’ll never have to. There’s nothing I won’t do for my family.”

 

<->

 

“Moira, Oliver.” Jean Loring says as she steps inside the Queen Mansion.

“Jean darling, how are you?” Moira Queen asks as they exchange pleasantries.

“Good. Good. I hope so are you both.” Jean replies and turns to Oliver. “Oliver, it’s great to see you. I’m glad you’re home.”

“Thank you, Jean. I’m fine and it’s great to see you too.”

After they settle in Moira’s office, Jean gets straight to business. “I’d like to go over the legal resurrection first, if that’s okay with you two. It’s the simpler one even if Connor has been confirmed as your son through the DNA results, and we’d be able to get it out of the way fast.”

“Sure.” Both Queens answer at the same time.

“It’s a pretty simple process. We’ll go to court and ask the judge for your death certificate to be repealed. He will ask you a few questions, most likely.” Seeing the dark look that befalls Moira’s face she rushes on, “Nothing too detailed, I assure you. Oliver will get up on the stand and say the ship went down during a storm, that’s it. I can pre write a statement for you, if want you Oliver. I also took the liberty of making some calls and cashing some favors in order to speed the process up and, if you’re free, we can go tomorrow at 1pm. It should be done within half an hour, perhaps even less.”

“Tomorrow’s fine. I appreciate the offer and if you think it’s that simple than sure. Just send it to me a few hours before.” Oliver replies. The idea of getting up on a stand and relieving the night the Gambit went down, no matter how vague he’s allowed to be, makes him dread the situation. He does his best to avoid even thinking about it because the nightmares are enough torture already, but this is something else completely, even with a pre written script.

As if sensing his unease despite Jean’s reassurances, Moira says. “Is there a way for it to be a private session? No reporters or outsiders, just family?”

The look on Jean’s face is answer enough for Oliver.

“I will do my best but I can’t guarantee it can be arranged for tomorrow even with all the connections I have in the courthouse.”

Before his mother can speak, Oliver steps in as he rests a hand on her forearm. “It’s fine, mom. If it can be done then great, but if not I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure, sweetheart?” Moira doesn’t want to put Oliver in a situation where he feels trapped. He spent so long alone that a room full of people watching him has to be a burden somehow. That’s not counting the paparazzi that are always stalking the courthouse for news and will be like flies on a cake as soon as they spot Oliver.

“I do, mom.” He says, squeezing her arm before letting go and turning to Jean who was silently watching them. “Regarding Connor, I want to be sure he has all the protection the Queen name can give him, along with a trust fund and whatever benefits come with it. The best medical insurance money can buy too. I also want to look into asking the best child oncologists for consultations regarding Connor’s condition. I haven’t gone over the details with Felicity yet, but I want to be legally recognized as his father. If you could have the necessary paperwork drawn up, for when the time comes.” It may be presumptuous of him to assume Felicity will agree to it, but it’s about more than having a piece of paper with his name on it. It’s about being able to be there for Connor in the eyes of the law. He also hasn’t mentioned getting outside opinions on Connor’s diagnose, and though he trusts Felicity, it wouldn’t hurt to have the best doctors available to check in with, right?

“Also, clad as iron non-disclosure agreements need to be drawn up. I’d say at least a dozen for now.” Moira adds.

“Why?” Oliver questions.

“So we can keep the situation as contained as possible.” Before Oliver can argue, Jean interrupts.

“Moira brings up an excellent point. The NDAs would prevent people from selling information to the press and exposing not only you but also Connor and his mother.”

“Thank you, Jean. I know you want the world to know about Connor, but the media will hound Felicity and Connor 24/7 after they learn about their existence. I’m aware we can’t keep it a secret forever, but if we can have as many people as possible sign these papers, then we can try to control the amount of information the press will get their hands on when the time comes. Also, can you imagine how much stress it will cause both of them on top of everything else? It’s a necessary precaution, Oliver.”

They’re all quiet for a few minutes as Oliver digests the information before speaking.

“You’re right. I want them to be as protected as possible. Felicity may not be a Queen, but she is Connor’s mother and I want her to be treated as one. She doesn’t need the media uproar on top of dealing with a sick child.” Turning to Jean, he continues. “Do what you have to do, Jean. Just make sure to have it clear that whoever crosses the line and doesn’t honor the NDA will have me to deal with. And I won’t rest until they face full consequences for treating my family as a cheap piece of tabloid news.”

 

<->

 

After Jean leaves and she and Oliver are left alone in the room, Moira decides now is the best time to talk to him about getting professional help. She’s been putting it off, mostly because there were tons of things happening at once and it was hard to find an appropriate moment.

Then she realized there’s no such thing with this type of matter and being preoccupied with other problems was not an acceptable justification.

It’s clear something has changed in Oliver since coming back from seeing Connor on yesterday. He seems freer somehow, less contained and she’s caught him smiling at nothing from time to time.

It’s a joy to watch, but it doesn’t mean his demons have released him from their hold.

This entire story is also just starting to write itself.

The hopeful beginning is almost at its end to give place to the real story.

Connor has a long journey to get better, which he will, because he’s her grandson and she’ll burn this entire city, the entire world, to ashes if she has to in order to find him a cure.

Any control she had over getting involved in the situation has been lost as soon as she got her confirmation.

Although it’s Connor’s journey to take, to suffer through first hand, it affects everyone is his life. They won’t be experiencing it but they’ll be living it regardless.

Oliver’s newfound calmness won’t last. As soon as they go get tested on Wednesday it will hit all of them how not joyful this situation is.

She’s not cruel enough to burst the bubble he appears to be in, but she can see it has not hit him yet.

The climax to the story is still ways down the book but the stepping stones are clear as day to her.

Get tested. Wait for results. Hope for the best. Expect the worst. Plan for any eventualities.

Then there’s the hard part.

The actual fight, whether any of them are a match or not, the real struggle is getting through the transplant itself.

Because it may not work.

She will do whatever it takes to ensure it will, but it’s not guaranteed and it’ll be hard, with Connor needing a lot of support.

Oliver’s support.

How can he give Connor the support he requires if he can’t deal with his own demons?

He may have shown some emotions since yesterday, but she knows sleep is scarce and so is eating.

“Oliver, do you have a minute?” She questions as he stands to leave.

“Yeah. What is it? I thought we went over everything for now.” He replies, hands in his pockets as he looks down at her, still sitting on the chair at head of the table.

“We have. This is about something else.” Seeing as Oliver’s face instantly goes slack, she rushes on. Well, as much as Moira Queen rushes with anything. “It’s not about Connor. It’s about you. I’ve been meaning to discuss it with you since you got home but with everything going on I never found the right moment. Then I realized there is no such thing.” Pointing to the chair closest to her own, she keeps going. “If you’d please, sit down.”

Frowning, Oliver takes a seat before saying, “Okay… is something wrong?” There aren’t many things he hates more than being caught off guard. From past experience it almost always ends in death or torture. He has no idea what his mother could possibly want to talk to him about if it’s not Connor related. It’s a sad contrast to years ago how little he knows about her life now that he comes up empty.

“I’m not looking to antagonize you or make you feel pressured or anything of the sort, but I believe it’d be in your best interest to get professional help to assist you with readapting to… well, society. Perhaps talk over some of the things you’ve been through so you can cope better.”

There’s a short pause, filled with tension before Oliver replies with a simple, “No.” Is that what his mother thinks? That he’s some deranged, crazy person who needs a therapist? _Well, you are a murderer, so she’s not completely wrong, is she?_ His subconscious whispers.

“Oliver, sweetheart… I know you haven’t been sleeping or eating much since you got home. You also had that awful nightmare your first night back. I’m just worried about you. Maybe a therapist can help you.”

“I don’t need nor do I want to talk about my time away. It’s over. I’m home. It doesn’t matter.” His fingers unconsciously start rubbing against each other. He wants, no, he _needs_ to hit something. Standing up, he says. “Is that all?”

The fact he refuses to even acknowledge the idea hurts her deeply, because it’s clear that his reluctance isn’t due to being well, it’s because he’s _not_. “It is. But please consider it. It may also help cope with Connor’s situation. The hard part hasn’t begun but it’ll take a toll on top of everything else and he’ll need you to be strong for him.”

He doesn’t say anything, but the door slamming is answer enough for her.

 

<->

“Hey mommy?” Connor speaks, voice guarded as he scoots over a bit more as they finish separating the pieces they’ll need.

“Yes, sweetheart?” They’ve just finished having lunch and are about to start working on Connor’s boat. He’s been struggling with this specific engine for almost a week, but with everything that’s happened and him getting sick, they didn’t have time to do it.

“Do you think daddy liked me?” He asks without looking at her as he moves some pieces around with his one of his fingers.

“Of course he did, honey. He loved meeting you. He loves you.” Felicity answers him with all the certainty she can muster.

“Good. I want him to keep coming back.” He says, hesitating before continuing. “It felt nice to have a daddy. I liked it a lot.”

“Oh baby, he will.” She says as she moves to hug him. She knows it took courage for him to voice this and she doesn’t want him to ever doubt it. She doesn’t know Oliver, but by the time he left yesterday, it was clear how much he wanted to stay and how much he already loved Connor. “We can call him later and set up something. He did say you could call him anytime you wanted. We could go have lunch together. What do you think, honey?”

“So he’s not going back to heaven? He’s here to stay? Forever?” There’s the ever sparse hope into his voice as he finally turns to look into her eyes, and though Felicity can’t promise him forever, life is unpredictable, she can assure him Oliver’s a part of his life now. “He’s here to stay, honey. He’s going to be a part of your life too.”

“Does that mean he won’t get bored with me?” He says, looking over her shoulder, clearly afraid of her answer.

“Bored with you? Honey, why would you think that?” Felicity questions as she turns his little face towards her and caresses the corner of his mouth.

“Well, all of my friends but AJ got bored with me because I couldn’t play like them anymore… so maybe daddy will get bored of me because I can’t be like the other kids…” He trails off as he bits his bottom lip.

Moving her finger over it, she makes him let go before saying. “Connor, your dad won’t get bored with you, okay? He loves you because you’re _you_ , not for anything you can or cannot do.” Although there’s nothing she can say in regard to his old friends, she can assure him when it comes to his father. She really hopes the trust she’s putting in Oliver doesn’t turn out to be a mistake.

“Okay!” He replies with a joy back in his voice that she seldom hears when not related to his boat or cartoons. Though he’s far from a sad child, his illness has taken a toll on him and his inability to do normal child things has started to get to him more and more each day.

Satisfied, he’s already back to focusing on his boat, and she decides that for now, there’s not much else to say.

This new chapter has just started writing itself.

Felicity can only hope Oliver’s appearance in their lives means a happier end for all of them by the end of it all.

 

<->

 

Oliver makes a quick stop by his room to change out of his day clothes and into some gym appropriate ones before making his way there.

It was a surprise to see how well and up to date everything is when he knows his mother doesn’t use it and while Thea or Walter may run on the treadmill, he can’t imagine they use all the other sophisticated machines for building muscle and endurance.

He’s been meaning to order archery targets, because although he doesn’t intend to use his bow and arrow for any other purpose than destressing, he misses the feeling of nocking it and hitting a target. It’s become a part of him and if there’s anything he misses from the island, it’s this. His bow is pretty simple, but it’s all he needs. The mansion used to have a shooting range but apparently Thea doesn’t practice anymore and his mother dismantled it.

His instincts are extremely sharp, along with his ever present paranoia, so as soon as he reaches the bottom of the stairs, before turning towards the gym’s door, he can tell someone is inside and hitting a punching bag, hard.

His guard instantly goes up. His brain is telling him, that whoever it is, it can’t be a danger to them. The mansion is probably the most well secured place in the city. No one goes in or out without being seen, except him. Although he knows most people can’t even dream of having his abilities, he’s met plenty of people who _do_.

There’s nothing he can use as a weapon around, but he hasn’t needed one in years. Measuring the weight of his steps, he quickly but silently walks up to the door, stopping outside.

It is clear there’s only one person, a man from the speed of his movements and strength of his punches. Unless it’s a 6’2 feet woman, whom he knows it isn’t.

As soon as he steps inside he lets go of the killing mind set but doesn’t relax.

It’s John Diggle.

He’s dressed in gym attire, a thin layer of sweat covering him as he stands in front of a punching bag.

“Mr. Diggle.” He says with a nod of his head as he moves to small locker in the back, which holds tape, towels and other basic supplies. If he could, he’d just hit a punching bag until his knuckles bled, but he doesn’t want to have split knuckles that other people, but especially his son can see. Taking his shirt off is also not an option since the last thing he needs is for someone with Mr. Diggle’s military background to question his scars or worst, his Bratva tattoo.

“Mr. Queen.” John replies. He isn’t sure of what to do. Although he uses the Queen’s gym along with other staff members frequently, Mr. Queen is his employer and the protocol would be to just leave and come back another time.

“If you move your left foot an inch to the left you can give your wrist more stability and throw a stronger punch.”

“What?”

“I said that if you move your-“

“No, no! I got that. Thanks, I guess. I can leave if you want, Mr. Queen.” Oliver Queen giving him fighting advice just further proofs his assertion from Saturday, that whether his family wants to believe it or not, Mr. Queen is full of crap.

“There’s no need for that Mr. Diggle. Also you should call me Oliver, Mr. Queen was my father.” Since Saturday Oliver wanted an opportunity to closely analyze John Diggle and this is a perfect one. The chance to fight someone instead of a punch bag also pleases him. He won’t be able to use his full abilities, but it’s still better than the monotony of a punching bag.

“You’re my employer, Mr. Queen.”

“So if I asked if you’re interested in one-on-one training you’d say no, but if I requested it as your employer, you would say yes?”

Shaking his head, Diggle replies, “I don’t want to hurt you, Mr. Queen.”

“I can assure you it won’t happen. What do you say?” He enquires, throwing a challenging look in John Diggle’s direction.

“Fine, sir. I’ll go easy on you though.” Diggle says and they both move to take their instances.

“Give me your best.” Oliver says before moving to throw the first punch.

 

<->

 

It’s done.

Oliver is now officially recognized as alive and his father forever confirmed dead.

As soon as they arrived back at the mansion he asked to be left alone.

Although Jean had a concise speech ready for him, it didn’t prevent flashbacks from entering his mind and taking hold of his thoughts. Those five years away were no picnic at any point, but the night the Gambit went down is by far the memory that torments him the most.

Perhaps it’s because it was the start of it.

Perhaps because of the people he lost that night.

Perhaps it’s because he was the only one left behind.

No matter the reason, it haunts him day after day and he can never escape it for long.

Today at the courtroom was another reminder that his past is unescapable.

The ringing of his phone breaks through the heaviness in his mind, and when he sees Felicity’s name on the screen his heartbeat speeds up as he rushes to slide his finger across the screen and pick up the call. He’s still mastering the technology, but answering the phone is, thankfully, easy enough for him. “Felicity, hey!”

“Oliver, hi. Is this a bad time? I saw on the news that your courthouse session was over but I can call later if you’re busy.”

The vultures were all over him and his family. He can’t stand them.

“No, no. I’m back at the house. Is everything okay with Connor?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. That’s actually what I called to talk to you about. I don’t want to bother or sound like I’m pressuring you or anything, but Connor asked me when he was going to see you again and I was wondering if you’d consider scheduling something? You also said he could call you whenever he wanted and he’s wanted to talk to you since yesterday, but I didn’t want to bombard you with too much at once. I mean, it is okay if you think it’s too soon, you don’t have to. I just thought I’d ask.” She says nervously, talking without a break. Something he’s come to recognize as a charming Smoak trait.

He doesn’t mind listening to her babbles, so he waits until she’s finished before replying, “Felicity, it’s not a bother. It’s never going to be a bother to spend time with our son. You _both_ can call me whenever you want, I mean it. I’m sorry for not calling yesterday and making it seem as if I needed space, but I just wanted to give Connor time to get used to the idea. He seemed to understand it but he’s still young and I don’t want him to feel obligated to talk or see me.”

“Oh! I guess we had the same misconception them. Well, he really wants to see you again. He asked five times just this morning if it was time to call you already.”

“I’m sorry. I-“ _Oh, crap!_ , he’s already letting Connor down.

“Oliver, I understand. Your court hearing was important. No need to apologize… or feel guilt.” She adds after a moment.

How she knows he’s already feeling guilt is beyond him, but he appreciates the words to let him know he’s not a failure as a dad. _Yet,_ His brain whispers. Realizing Felicity is waiting for him to say something, he goes on. “Okay. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, Connor has his weekly doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning at 10 am. I was wondering if you’d be interested in having lunch afterwards?”

“Yes, but my family and I scheduled to be tested tomorrow morning at Starling General. Does Connor’s doctor have a practice or does he work inside the hospital? We can meet there, if you don’t mind of course. ”

“Oh! You and your family are already getting tested?” she asks surprised.

“Yes. You made it clear it’s time sensitive so we scheduled it for as soon as security protocols could be arranged.”

“Security protocols?”

“Felicity, are you ok? You sound like you’re chocking.”

“I-I’m fine.” She says and he can hear her swallow before continuing. “You just caught me off guard. I didn’t think you’d be getting tested this soon.”

“It’s Connor’s life. I’d have gone sooner if I could, but my mother made some good points about possible leaks to the press since they’ve been trying hard to get anything on me since I’ve been back. I know we haven’t talked about it yet, but I don’t want your lives to become a media circus. I want the world to know about Connor, but not at the risk of his safety or yours.”

“Thank you, Oliver.” It sounds choked but it’s full of emotion. “You don’t know how much I appreciate it. Not just the safety thing but how fast you and your family arranged the testing. I can never thank you enough for wanting to not only help but be a part of Connor’s life.”

“You’ll never have to thank me. He’s my son too. There’s nothing I won’t do for him.” He states, absolutely certainty coloring his words and, unbeknown to him, but clear to Felicity, love. Love of the purest kind.

“Than- Okay. Great! Connor and I will be at Starling General too, so we can meet there and go somewhere?”

“Sure. I have his doctor’s name from the files you gave me, so if it’s okay with you, I’ll set it up so he can arrange one of the rooms of the private wing I’ll be in to see Connor and sign the NDA along with any nurses he may want to assist him.”

“Private wing? NDAs?”

“I know it sounds overwhelming, but it’s what Mr. Diggle recommended as the best way to avoid leaks and was also how no one was able to sneak in and see me when I first got home. The NDA is just to make sure they can’t talk to any reporters without consequences. You may think people are trustworthy, but with the right amount of money, they all sing like a canary.” He thinks he’s doing a crappy job of reassuring Felicity, but Oliver knows he’s not the best at emotions.

“Oh. It makes sense. If John thinks it’ll help then I trust him. And you, of course. I trust you too, Oliver. I just meant that John deals with security stuff all the time.” She ends with an awkward tongue noise and he can’t contain the breathy laugh that escapes him.

“Thank you, Felicity. For trusting me.”

“Of course. So your entire family will be there?”

“Yes. It’s me, my mother, Thea, my stepfather Walter and my best friend Tommy. They’ll be getting tested as well.”

“Oh!”

“Listen, if it’s too much too soon we can meet somewhere else. You and Connor don’t have to see them yet. I told you before, the pace is yours to set.”

It’s quiet for a few beats, before Felicity replies. “No. It’s fine. Just text me the details after you have it arranged.”

“I’ll have a nurse waiting for you at the oncology wing if Connor’s doctor doesn’t request a specific one and she’ll take you both there, don’t worry.”

“Okay. Connor has been asking to talk to you… so if that’s all I’ll pass him the phone?” She says unsurely. How she goes from a hundred percent confident about anything Connor related to awkward over anything else is endearing.

“I guess it is. It was nice talking to you, Felicity. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You too, Oliver. Thank you. Bye” She says before he hears her call Connor to come talk to him.

He already misses the little boy like crazy. It’s like a part of him is missing when his son isn’t around and it’s unsettling. He spent five years away from his family but less than two days and he aches for his son.

“Hi daddy!” Connor excited voice says.

Being called daddy is a great feeling. He hopes he can cherish it for years to come.

“Hi son. How are you?”

The day already feels much brighter than before as his demons settle to back of his mind and give space to the joy of talking to Connor.

 

<->

 

In all his months working for the Queens, John can’t recall one time they all decided to go somewhere together that wasn’t a gala or fundraiser.

Monday afternoon, Mrs. Queen informed him that this morning the entire family plus Mr. Merlyn would need to be driven to Starling City General Hospital in the most discreet manner possible.

Though he knew better than to pry, it raised questions.

His first thought was that something was wrong with Mr. Queen, but then why would they all risk raising the media’s suspicions if that’s the case? Mrs. Queen made sure he knew security was to be better than perfect during Mr. Queen’s brief stay and discharge last week to the point Thea didn’t even went to see her brother for security reasons.

The same is expected for today, which means that unless absolutely necessary and unavoidable the family wouldn’t be risking it. He stayed up late and came in early this morning so he could coordinate security measures not only with the other security employees, but with the hospital staff.

According to his orders, this visit is never supposed to be mentioned again, going as far as having iron clad non-disclosure agreements signed this morning by hospital staff.

It is one of his most challenging jobs working with private security so far, but it’s nothing close to his three tours. He’s confident he and his team will pull this off.

It still doesn’t give him any clues on what this is all about.

The hospital stop he did when driving Thea and Mr. Queen around never raised any flags. As far as he was concerned, he may have dropped by to pick up some documents or an exam.

Now it seems he was too quick to analyze it.

He knows Mr. Queen is not what he appears to be. Saturday just proved how hard the man is trying to make it seem like everything is fine, like _he_ is fine. Also, their training session on Monday showed him how skilled Mr. Queen is even if it was clear he wasn’t using a third of his strength or ability.

There’s a lot of darkness surrounding the man, but Diggle’s seen hopeless cases and Mr. Queen isn’t one.

He’s an enigma for sure, but not an unsolvable one.

Before he can mull over any details he may have let slide, the doors to the mansion open and the Queens along with Mr. Steele and Mr. Merlyn come out.

There wouldn’t be room for all five in the Bentley so they’re using the Rover. It’d be way too risky using two cars so Mrs. Queen agreed with his suggestion easily.

An exchange of good mornings is said, from Thea’s excited one to Mr. Queen’s solemn one.

“I assume all arrangements have been properly made, Mr. Diggle?” Mrs. Queen questions as they starting driving towards the gate.

“Yes, ma’am. It’ll be as if all of you were never even there.”

“Good.”

After that it’s mostly casual talk, with Mr. Merlyn and Thea leading while the others contribute from time to time. If he wasn’t the one driving them, Diggle would never imagine they were on their way to a hospital.

After parking the car in the previous agreed spot, he goes to open the door, but they’re all already climbing out of it. It’s him along with five other bodyguards, three hospital security guys and a doctor, who he assumes is Dr. Lamb, the family’s trusted doctor and friend.

No one talks much except for pleasantries as they make their way to the private wing. Both the Queens and the Merlyn’s have their own rooms, that when combined form their own wing. It came in handy when figuring out the logistics. The wing is barely used by either family and unless the hospital is in real need and they approve, it stays empty.

He personally considers it a waste, especially when there are people in locations such as the Glades who could benefit from it, but this is over his paygrade and none of his business.

Bottom line is that it’s the perfect place to do this and the private elevator is a big help along with the lack of people around.

By now it’s only them, Dr. Lamb. The security guards are spaced out between the car and the elevator to keep an eye out for unwanted company.

Except when they get there, two other people are waiting with the three approved nurses.

A woman and child, to be more precise.

And unless his eyes have suddenly stopped working, that’s Felicity and Connor.

Before he can wonder what the hell is happening or anyone can say anything, Connor spots them and comes running in their direction with a yell of “Daddy!” and throwing himself at Oliver.

Diggle has never been as flabbergasted in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you can understand where Thea is coming from and not be too hard on her. Although she’s been handling everything well so far, her and Moira’s issues have been building for a while. Also hoping I didn’t screw Tommy’s character completely since it’s been a while since I watched S1. Lol
> 
> Feedback is always encouraged and appreciated since it makes my day! :)
> 
> If you’re so inclined, you can find me on Tumblr @strollinginparadise. I don’t use it much, but if you just want to talk I’ll be sure to answer! x


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> Yes, I’m alive. No, I haven’t given up on this story. Yes, I completely suck at updating and I don’t think there’s anything else I can say at this point, right?! But if it counts for anything, I am sorry for the wait. I do have some news though. First is that I’m a lying liar who lies. Remember when I said I’d write shorter chapters? LIES! The chapters aren’t getting shorter, they’re actually getting longer. Second is that this chapter isn’t what I originally planned and going against my OCD tendencies I decided to split it. I was 16k+ words in and nowhere near finished… So I found a somewhat okay split point and decided to focus on the first part otherwise I’d never update again and posting a 20k+ chapter sounds insane. This one is 13.5k but details. Third thing is that I have finals coming up and I honestly shouldn’t even be updating cause I’m so swamped but I was feeling super guilty. The second to last is that because of said finals, I wouldn’t expect another update any time before the 28th. With that we get to the last thing, which I personally believe is good news: I already have over 8k written of the next chapter so despite the fact I’ll take a break to focus on my finals and projects, I won’t be starting a completely new chapter. Yay me! 
> 
> Seriously though, y’all are so amazing and no matter how many times I say how blown away I am by the feedback I’ve gotten so far, I hope y’all believe that I honestly don’t have enough words to thank you for it. This fic is about to hit 800 kudos and I never thought I’d get 5 of them when I first posted it. Or a single comment. THANK YOU SO MUCH! *inserts the “sending virtual hug” gif*
> 
> I’ll stop rambling and let you start the chapter in case you bothered to read this never ending note. I hope you enjoy it! (:

As Oliver had assured her, there was a nurse waiting to accompany her and Connor to the Queen’s private wing. She informed Felicity that Connor’s appointment would also happen up there.

She is nervous about today. The most important people in Oliver’s life will meet Connor for the first time and she can’t help but worry.

It’s not her son’s behavior she’s worried about. Connor may be on the babbling side and somehow shy and take his time to warm up to new people, but her son has great manners and is extremely well behaved.

What worries her is how Oliver’s family will react to him.

She doesn’t expect them to be rude or outright dismissive of him, but she’s afraid they won’t be welcoming either. They can be polite without making him feel welcomed and the thought is so nerve wrecking because they are also his family, which means they have the power to hurt her baby when he’s already becoming so insecure about people wanting to spend time with him after what happened with his school buddies.

Her son is really the sweetest, regardless of her bias, she thinks as she looks down at him. She has his little hand securely entangled with hers as he goes back and forth on the sole of his feet, not a bit of worry coming off him as he waits patiently and without complaint.

She’s glad. She doesn’t want him to worry about meeting his father’s family, especially because she’s already worrying for them both and then some. She, of course, told him he would and he was mostly excited to see his dad again and his now Aunt Thea, as he referred to her.

She can admit her biggest worry isn’t his entire family, but the Queen matriarch herself. She may not be the most socially aware person, but Felicity would have to be stupid not to realize how little Moira Queen had cared about hiding her contempt that day at QC, and she may be a lot of things, but she’d never consider stupid to be one of them.

Before she can completely panic as she waits for either Connor’s doctor to arrive or Oliver and his family, she can admit she’d prefer the first option just so she has a bit more time to settle, she hears the ping of the elevator as it arrives at their floor. Its doors open and the Queen family comes out with John and a doctor.

“Daddy!” Connor yells as he releases her hand and starts running in Oliver’s direction before she can even realize what’s happening. _Guess you weren’t holding his hand that well after all, huh?!_

“Connor, don’t run. You may fall!” She says loudly, before moving to try and stop him from either hurting himself or running head first into his father’s legs and hurting them both.

He doesn’t fall, but he does run straight into Oliver’s legs even if the older man doesn’t move despite the impact or looks surprised at all. Instead he bends down and picks Connor up, who appears a bit breathless from his short run, as their son immediately wraps his little arms around Oliver’s neck and his legs around his waist.

It’s a scene she isn’t used to. Connor doesn’t really run to people like that unless he’s known them for a long time, and even then it’s mostly to her or her mother. The absolutely trust he has in Oliver is heartwarming to watch.

“Hey, buddy! How are today?” Oliver questions as he kisses Connor’s forehead and ruffles his hair with one of his hands as the other supports his son’s weight.

“Hey daddy! I don’t like coming to the doctor’s because of the needles but I’m excited about having lunch with you today. We’re still going, right? Mommy said we are, but maybe you changed your mind?” Connor asks while trying to hide the bit of uncertainty he still feels about his dad’s presence in his life. He knows what mommy said, but people change their minds all the time, right? He used to love strawberry ice cream the most until he tried his mommy’s mint chip one day and changed his mind. Or how Lion King was his favorite movie ever until he watched Robin Hood and liked that one better. Daddy could still change his because mommy has always told him that every person is allowed to make their own choices once they’ve grown up and daddy is almost the biggest grown up he’s seen. Mr. Dig comes first because he’s so huge, but daddy is second _for sure_.

Oliver is aware the entire room is watching them. Felicity is close by and she looks ready to grab their son and leave at the first sign of trouble, though he can’t imagine a scenario where she’d actually do that, he does remember how dismissive they all came off that afternoon at QC and he’s seen how protective she is of Connor, therefore he doesn’t blame her. He wouldn’t hesitate if their roles were reversed either.

His mother is staring stoically at them, and if it weren’t for her eyes, he wouldn’t be able to see how amazed she seems by Connor. Thea is expelling nervous energy and he can tell she’s holding back. Tommy is, surprisingly, quietly staring as if he’s caught off guard by the resemblance despite his first reaction to seeing Connor’s picture. Walter is way too polite to outright stare but Oliver can tell he’s still looking and Mr. Diggle looks like he just saw something supernatural happen, like a man running over the speed of light, which he can understand, because he knows Felicity and Connor and probably hasn’t been caught on the entire story yet.

It doesn’t matter though, because he can tell Connor is still insecure about his long term intentions and again, Oliver can see himself in him by the way he avoids looking into his eyes and how he braces himself against what he feels is a perceived weakness. “Hey!” He starts as tries to catch Connor’s attention. It takes a few seconds but when he turns to stare at him, Oliver can see how even this young, his son has already started to master the art of building walls to protect himself. It’s something he doesn’t want Connor to ever have to know, but he still remembers how even through his babbling, he seemed down about how all but one of his school friends stopped wanting to hang out with him. “No buddy, I haven’t changed my mind. Of course we’re going to have lunch together. I’ve been looking forward to it since your mom and I set it up.” He doesn’t want to make Connor uncomfortable as it’s clear he doesn’t like showing his emotions much, but he decides he’ll approach the subject again when it’s only them and, perhaps, Felicity.

“Oliver, sweetheart, aren’t you going to introduce us?” Moira questions as she takes a step towards them, dissolving the quiet atmosphere in the waiting room.

Oliver feels Connor tense in his arms, as if it’s the first time he realizes there are more people around them, and he can’t help but feel content over the fact his son was so happy to see him that everything else faded away. “Of course, mom!” He replies but makes no move to introduce any of them and looks at Felicity instead. She agreed to this, but he doesn’t want to overstep and say the wrong thing.

Felicity is even closer now, lightly touching one of Connor’s shoulders when Oliver turns to look at her. She doesn’t know what to expect and if Connor wasn’t so taken by Oliver already she’d have moved and held him herself. As it is she won’t, but she needs a connection, which she can’t tell if it’s more for Connor’s peace of mind or hers. Seeing as Oliver just keeps looking at her, with something akin to what she’s come to recognize as “you’re his mother, it’s your call”, she decides to address the room. _Just don’t babble._ “Mrs. Queen, hello!”

“Ms. Smoak.” Moira isn’t exactly warm, but the coldness and disinterest from their first meeting isn’t there any longer.

Felicity will take what she can get. She doesn’t expect the Queen matriarch to be hugs and sunshine with her, and as long as she treats Connor well then Felicity will handle whatever she dishes out. Turning to Connor, she says. “Hey honey, there are some people here who would love to meet you. Would that be okay?”

“Yeah, sure!” He replies. She knows there’s not much she would be able to do if he had said it wasn’t.

“Connor, this is your dad’s mom and your other grandmother, Mrs. Queen.” She says with a bit of awkwardness in her voice. She couldn’t very well call the woman Moira or abstain from giving a name, but it does feel weird to introduce family members so formally.

Untangling one of his arms from around his father’s neck, Connor turns a bit in his arms to fully face his grandmother eye to eye for the first time, offering his hand to her as he says shyly. “Hello, Mrs. Queen. My name is Connor Smoak. How do you do?”

Moira has been slightly stunned since she watched Connor run towards Oliver. Witnessing her son and grandson interact in front of her eyes for the first time made her realize why Oliver has been smiling at nothing since Sunday. The way they already look at each other, how Connor presented zero reservations on touching his father and how Oliver _did not tense up._ He _welcomed_ the touch, and was she a less controlled woman, she’d probably had shed a few tears. It’s amazing to see the bond they have already formed with each other in such a short time. Although she can’t say the same to the shock she feels at how different the little boy looks from the pictures Ms. Smoak provided. He’s much skinnier, to the point he looks fragile in Oliver’s big arms, and much paler too despite the slightly blush on his cheeks, probably caused by his breathlessness from a two feet run.

It’s heartbreaking.

Connor is absolutely beautiful, _so_ beautiful and the fact he’s a carbon copy of her son doesn’t hurt at all, no matter how his illness has affected him, but Moira feels a deep pain inside her heart as she’s able to assess its effect on her grandson. She doesn’t dwell on the pain of it, at least not now. She’ll focus on how it’s a miracle to have a grandson and use the pain as motivation, because she’s Moira Queen and when the world doesn’t work in her favor, she forces it to bend and follow her will. No matter the cost.

“Hello, Connor.” She replies, shaking his hand back, pleased to see how polite the little boy is. It appears Ms. Smoak did a fine job after all. “I’m doing much better now that I’ve finally met you. You can also call me grandma if you’d like. I can conclude from what you told you father, you’re also well?”

Connor lets go of her hand before answering. “Yes, ma’am. I’d like that I suppose. You don’t look much like my other grandma… you’re less colorful, but it’s okay. It may be nice to have different types of grandmas. Mommy always says it’s important that we’re our own person and that it’s our differences that make us who we are.”

Thea, who had been holding herself back from going to Connor and hugging the life out of him, metaphorically, of course, has had enough. She let Oliver have his father/son moment but now she wants some of her nephew for herself. “Hi, Connor!” She says as she stands beside her mother and looks at her brother, Connor and Felicity Smoak.

“Hi, Aunt Thea!” He answers a bit shyly, probably unsure of the teen’s reaction, but Oliver’s sister beams at him before addressing his mother.

“Hello, Felicity. I hope it is okay for me to call you Felicity. I’m Thea, Oliver’s sister. It’s nice to meet you.” She says as she debates for a second whether to shake her hand or give her a hug. She ends up picking the former to try and not overwhelm her.

“Thea! Hi!” Felicity replies as they shake hands. “It’s nice to meet you too. Connor has told me a lot about you.” So she may have probed her son for more details after Oliver left, but it still counts as him telling her as far as she’s concerned.

“This is all well and nice, but I’d like to meet young Connor too.” Tommy interjects as he comes into view. “Hi bud. I’m Uncle Tommy, your dad’s best friend. I positively can’t wait to tell you about the trouble your dad used to get into when we were kids.”

“Hi, Uncle Tommy.” Connor replies shyly with a little wave before turning his head to the crook of his daddy’s neck.

Apparently Tommy’s outgoing personality along with the meeting so the others is too much for his shy son to handle. “With you. The trouble I used to get into with you. Also, don’t corrupt my son, please.” Oliver replies as he rubs Connor’s back to let him know it’s okay to feel shy.

“I make no promises.” Tommy says before turning to Felicity. “You must be the delightful Felicity. I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time. It’s a pleasure.” He finishes as he takes a hold of her hand and moves to kiss it.

“Hi! It’s nice to meet you.” She replies a bit flushed. “And really? You have?” She stammers.

“Let’s just say your hair reminds me of sunshine.” He exclaims and Felicity is sure there’s something she is missing.

“Tommy…” Oliver warns.

“Well, as entertaining as this is you two, there are more important things to discuss.” Moira says. She had forgotten how Oliver and Tommy could be when together, and though it’s a nice sight, they did come here for a reason.

“Mr. Steele, hello.” Felicity adds, finally addressing the older man, who is way too polite to butt in but was clearly paying attention to their conversation.

“Ms. Smoak. It’s nice to see you.” Walter says.

“Where are you from, Mister?” Connor questions before the British man can address him, curiosity beating the shyness he was just feeling.

“I’m from England, young man. You may call me Walter. It is a pleasure to meet you.” He says, offering his hand.

“The pleasure is mine.” Connor replies as the share a handshake.

“This is my husband, Connor.” Moira interjects. She’ll apologize to her husband later, but meeting her grandson for the first time made her momentarily forget he was there with them.

“So you’re my granddad? I’ve never really had a granddad. There is grandpa Joe, but he’s not really my grandpa and he lives far away.”

“I’m afraid to say, neither am I. Though you may call me that if you so wish. I would be honored.” Walter replies. The little boy is really something else. He can see the resemblance to Oliver from pictures he’s seen around the house, but his questioning personality reminds him of Ms. Smoak. He may not be that familiar with her, but he’d bet the talking is a Smoak trait rather than a Queen one.

“Walter is mom’s husband but he isn’t my father, buddy.” Oliver says, still a bit unsurely on how to explain that his father is dead and isn’t coming back without confusing Connor.

“Oh okay. But is he going to come back just like you did, daddy?” Connor questions.

The mood in the room gets suddenly awkward and it’s one of those times where Felicity wishes Connor hadn’t inherited her inquisitive nature. She knows he means no harm and no one will blame a kid for asking questions, but it does put them in these types of situations.

“No sweetheart, your dad was a once in a lifetime thing.” Moira says and Felicity has to admit the woman is all composure and grace.

“Okay.” Is all Connor says.  

Felicity didn’t expect him to push the issue. He may be way too smart for his age but there are still concepts he, as a child, doesn’t really comprehend and with Oliver coming back, it’s no surprise death is one of them.

To her relief the elevator pings again and this time it is Connor’s doctor.

They decide to go to their respective appointments as Oliver puts Connor down and their son instantly moves closer to her.

It wasn’t one of those first dream meetings where everything goes perfectly well, but Felicity does believe it went rather well despite the few awkward moments and the amount of people present for it. They may have stayed quiet, but she did notice the nurses and who she assumes is the Queen’s family doctor along with John, watching them.

She will definitely over analyze every single detail later tonight after putting Connor to bed, but for now she has other things to worry about, such as whatever it is the doctor will tell her regarding Connor.

 

<->

 

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to go first. I don’t know how long Connor’s appointment will take and I don’t want to keep Felicity and him waiting in any case.” Oliver says after they’re all sitting on their respective chairs.

The room was clearly set up for blood collection and in a way they’d all be comfortable at the same time. Yes, there are two nurses plus Dr. Lamb preparing the material accordingly, but Oliver just wants to get this over with and go spend time with his son and Felicity.

Everyone easily agrees, except his mother. “You might as well, but I believe we should make it a family affair. Invite Connor and Ms. Smoak to have lunch with us at home. There’s no need for you to go out and risk being seen by paparazzi and exposing Connor when Raisa is available to cook whatever my grandson desires.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, mom.” He should’ve known his mother would be up to something. There’s no way she’d quietly allow him to take the reins of things after getting the results back and meeting Connor. Although she’s bringing up a valid concern and he may be willing to bring it up to Felicity, he doesn’t want to give the impression he can be easily coaxed into anything. He knows how his mother works too well despite his years away. “Connor is pretty shy as I’m sure you’ve noticed and I don’t want to force him into anything he’s not comfortable with. Also, Felicity and I decided she’d set the pace since she knows him best.”

“Nonsense, Oliver.” She replies waving a hand. “It’s the most practical and there’s no way Ms. Smoak thinks she can keep Connor away from his family. She already got away with doing so for five years.”

Oliver really doesn’t want to fight with his mother again, especially in front of strangers and the rest of his family, but she is testing him for sure. “That’s enough, mom. She did what she thought was best for Connor and I won’t have you saying such things about her now or ever. It’s also not about keeping any of you away, but doing what is best for our son. As far as he knew his father was dead and now he’s not. We don’t want to overwhelm him. He’s smarter than most kids but he’s still one.”

Moira purses her lips disapprovingly and it’s clear she wants to say more on the matter but realizes now isn’t the time or place. “I don’t believe getting to know his family would be such a bad thing, Oliver... But I’m sure you’ll do as you please.”

The underlying _as always_ and _this discussion isn’t over_ along with the disapproval of his choice is apparent, but he honestly doesn’t mind. He’s used to his choices being reprehended and expecting a change would be naïve of him.

The silence stretches for a moment before his sister speaks.

“I don’t want to push you Ollie, and I understand your hesitation, but I’d like to spend more time with my nephew, so if you could maybe talk it over with Felicity, I’d be grateful.” Thea says a bit hesitantly. She doesn’t want to make things worse and it may be selfish of her, but it’s been almost a week since she found out about Connor and she’d love to spend more time with the little boy.

“Of course I will, Speedy.”

No one says anything but he can feel how the atmosphere in the room has changed. Even Tommy didn’t crack a joke to try and clear the air.

The feeling of disappointment is palpable.

He understands their desire to spend more time with Connor because it’s a feeling that hasn’t left him since he said goodbye on Sunday evening, but this is bigger than them.

He told Felicity he’d allow her to make the decisions and that said decisions would be respected by him and his family.

He’s a firm believer actions speak louder than words and going against his assurances would only hinder any parenting relationship he and Felicity may be starting to form.

He may not be the best at expressing it, but he loves his family and though it feels awful to let them down, it’s something he can live with.

Disappointing Felicity and jeopardizing the trust she’s putting in him and, as a consequence, his relationship with Connor isn’t.

His priorities have shifted and he’s not willing to make exceptions.

He only has one chance to prove his worth to Felicity in order to become a permanent fixture in their son’s life and he won’t throw away his shot.

For anyone.

It’s time his family, but especially his mother, realize that.

Once and for all.

 

<->

 

“Felicity, Connor… how are you both doing today?” Dr. Avery asks as he takes a seat across from them.

“We’re good. I hope you’re also well?” Felicity questions.

“I’m great! I hope there was no more unexpected sickness, young man?”

“Nope.” Connor replies but doesn’t offer anything else.  

“Tell me a bit more about how you’re feeling, Connor. How has the pain been since last week?” Dr. Avery enquires. He’s aware Connor isn’t a fan of doctors and being probed, so he doesn’t take offense to his closed off behavior. The little boy is much friendlier on days he won’t have to face needles and go through a detailed examination.

Felicity had hoped that seeing his dad before the appointment would have made Connor a bit less grumpy over having to go through an entire check-up. Apparently, that’s not the case. “Honey, remember that the faster you cooperate the faster we can go have lunch with your dad.”

It takes her son less than a minute to reply.

“Okay… well, it hurts a bit more since I stopped taking the pills.” He says hesitantly. He didn’t tell his mommy because he knew she’d worry even more and it’s not like he can’t take it. It always hurts, no matter what he does, and though he doesn’t like it, he can handle it. He’s a big boy now.

“That’s to be expected. Your medication helped minimize some of the pain in your bones. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 hurting the least, how would you grade it?”

It takes a few moments before Connor answers as he’s clearly pondering the question and Felicity feels her worry increase some. His need to internalize his pain and not share unless it’s unbearable to him hurts her more than if he’d make her aware, but no matter how many times they go over the issue, Connor insists on bearing it all silently.

“I’d say it’s between four and five and a half. It depends on the day. Right now it’s a 4.5.” He says, face scrunched up in concentration and eyes holding seriousness beyond his years.

“Noted.” Dr. Avery says as he writes it down on his notes along with something else Felicity can’t make out. Doctors really have the worst handwriting. “Now let’s get some measurements.”

Then it goes as it usually does with Dr. Avery performing an entire checkup on Connor as Felicity watches and they make small talk so it goes by faster for the little boy.

“I’m going to call the nurse so she can come draw his blood and then we can talk okay, Ms. Smoak?”

“Yes, of course.” She replies before Dr. Avery steps out. “Hey, sweetheart you’re doing wonderful so far and it’s almost over.” She says to Connor as he climbs on her lap. Her son is fearless most times, but when needles are involved, he always looks at her for comfort. Felicity believes it’s an inherited Smoak trait as she used to do the same with her mom.

“I know, mommy. I just really hate needles.” He grumbles a bit as he rests his head on her shoulder.

“I know, baby. Mommy isn’t a fan either.” She replies as she caresses his back. “Sweetie, why didn’t you tell me your pain got worse? We’ve been over this before. You need to tell me these things so I can try to make it better for you.” She questions softly.

Connor doesn’t say anything for a while as his small hands play with the necklace on top of her collarbone.

“Connor?”

They’re interrupted by a knock at the door before it opens a bit and Oliver’s head pops in. “Hey, I was wondering if you guys were finished? I saw Dr. Avery out here.”

“Not yet. The nurse still has to draw Connor’s blood and Dr. Avery and I have to go over a few things. Are you done already?” Felicity enquires.

“Yes, I am. I’m going to wait for you guys out here with Mr. Diggle then.” He replies, but makes no move to leave. He wants to stay but he also doesn’t want to intrude.

“You can stay if you want, Oliver. We don’t mind, right honey?” She says, directing her question at Connor. She and Oliver would have to go over whatever she and Dr. Avery discuss anyway, so it’s easier for him to just stay and listen to everything first hand. They should’ve probably talked about this before, but it is what it is.

“Yep! Stay, daddy!” Connor encourages as he lifts his head to address his father.

With a nod, Oliver enters the room, but before he can close the door the nurse is making her way inside too.

“I guess we’re having company today. Mr. Queen.” Nurse Megan says with a nod before addressing Felicity and Connor. “Hey, Felicity! Connor, how is my favorite patient today?” Nurse Megan questions as she prepares the tubs before pulling plastic gloves on and making her way to where Felicity has Connor on her lap.

“I’m good Ms. Megan! What about you?”

“I’m better now that you’re here. Stretch your arm for me, darling.” She requests before pulling the sleeve of his shirt up and tying the elastic band on top of his arm.

“Good.” She replies readying the syringe. “I’m going to count to three and then do it. Are you ready?”

“If I say no you’ll still do it anyway… so yeah.” Connor replies before hiding his face in the crook of Felicity’s neck.

As soon as Nurse Megan finishes counting and perforates Connor’s arm, Oliver sees him and Felicity both flinch. He knows there’s no real danger around, but he can’t fight his instincts telling him to protect them, to shield them from whatever it is that’s bothering them.

It’s irrational and he’s thankful no one is paying him any mind so he can re-center himself. Everyone is fine and though it is clear needles aren’t something the Smoaks enjoy, they aren’t in danger.

Dr. Avery steps in just as Nurse Megan is about to leave.

“Hey honey, would you mind waiting with John outside while your dad and I talk to Dr. Avery? I know you’d usually play with the other kids, but today it’s just us.” Felicity asks while running her hand soothingly across his back.

“Sure, mommy. I can go with Nurse Megan.” Connor replies as he finally moves his head from Felicity’s neck and starts climbing out of her lap.

“Would you mind, Megan?”

“Of course not. I’ll see you next week Felicity. Mr. Queen.” She says before motioning for Connor to walk in front of her as she uses one hand to hold the door and the other the recipient with Connor’s blood, which will be taken to the lab.

“He’s sitting right outside, ma’am. Thank you.” Oliver says. He knows this place is completely secure, but it’s bothersome to see Connor leave while he and Felicity aren’t moving to accompany him.

After the door closes behind them, he and Felicity turn to Dr. Avery who’s been patiently waiting.

“So how is he this week?” Felicity asks and Oliver can see her trepidation. Whatever it is they’re going to discuss, he can tell she doesn’t expect good news.

“I’m going to be honest with you, Ms. Smoak. He’s not doing as well as I hoped, but given the circumstances and the fact he was sick, it could be worse. He’s lost weight again, although not as much as the week before. While that isn’t bad news per se, I’m still concerned. In the last month alone he’s lost 7 pounds and combined with his previously weight loss he’s up to 22 pounds since he was diagnosed. I’m worried about it, so I’m prescribing some iron supplements and I suggest you schedule another appointment with a nutritionist so a diet adjustment can be made again. We need to minimize his weight loss as soon as possible. Otherwise he’ll need a feeding tube in order to get the necessary nutrients since he’s still anemic and dropping weight.”

“Do you think there’s something else wrong with him? Is that why he’s losing so much weight?” Felicity questions, a bit of anxiousness in her voice. Connor’s decreasing weight has been one of their hardest struggles excluding his bone pain. They’ve been making adjustments to his diet at least once a month and so far there’s been no success. She doesn’t want her son to be attached to a feeding tube 24/7. It’d be such a blow for him and she isn’t sure he’d be able to adapt to something so aggressive.

“I hope there isn’t, but his exams will paint a clearer picture. I know it seems there aren’t many answers, but we talked on the phone about his latest results after you brought him in last week. Therefore, I don’t want to make any assumptions before the new ones come in. Some discrepancies may have to do with him being sick and turn out to be nothing. So please, don’t drive yourselves crazy imagining things and, in your case, googling them Ms. Smoak.”

The first few times Felicity came in with Connor, before he was even diagnosed she had tons of reports and medical journals queued up on her tablet to go through with Dr. Avery. He was extremely patient while she went over anything and everything, but since then he’s always telling her to step away from google. Despite what her tech mind believes, not all the answers can be found online. She hasn’t googled much since and she wouldn’t consider hacking the labs to be the same thing.

“His height is still the same as it was in July. His reflexes are still good despite the evident pain and though his pain scale is a bit too high, there’s a chance he feels an increase because of the lack of medication and not because there’s a real increase, which means there’s a chance it will go back down.”

“What if it doesn’t?” Oliver questions before he realizes what he’s doing. He doesn’t mind pain. He’s used to it and what it entails, which is why he _doesn’t_ want his son to have to be.

“Well, Mr. Queen there’s, unfortunately, nothing that can be done. He can be given some mild analgesics, but it honestly wouldn’t do any good.”

Since meeting Connor on Sunday, he’s been able to focus on how amazing it is to have a son and let the fact he’s ill fall to the back of his mind. Listening to Dr. Avery go through what he can tell is the basics of his condition is bothersome. There’s nothing he can do to help his son. No amount of money and no amount of punches will present him with a solution and the powerlessness is almost crippling.

“As you know Oliver and his family are getting tested, Dr. Avery. I did some research. It was light reading and all part of the approved websites you suggested” Felicity amends while leaving out the fact she may or may not have hacked more confidential information. “…and I’m aware their chances aren’t that good, but in the case one of them turns out to be a match, it would mean that there’s still a chance Connor won’t have to go through extensive chemotherapy, right?”

“The best case scenario would be one of them being a match and Connor’s exams coming back well enough that a transplant can be scheduled and he’ll only need the conditioning therapy, which is a high dosage of chemotherapy to help his body prepare for the stem cell transplant. Until we have all the results I can’t be sure. The way Connor’s body is starting to act without the TT drugs is going to be essential when figuring out his next steps. Dr. Lamb and I will coordinate as per yours and Mr. Queen’s request but, as of now, it’s a waiting game.”

 

<->

_Damn._

That’s the only word John can think of right now.

The last hour has been one of the most surprising in his life and he served three tours in Afghanistan.

Connor, AJ’s friend, who has been having a hard time battling leukemia is the son of recently returned from the dead billionaire Oliver Queen. His boss, Oliver Queen.

It sounds more insane the more he repeats it to himself.

Except not really, screams his subconscious.

It’s one of those things you can’t see unless you look for it.

Before seeing Connor and Mr. Queen side by side, he’d never suspect that they could be related even with the physical resemblance. According to Felicity, Connor’s father passed away before the little boy was born and he never wanted to question it much, afraid it’d reopen old wounds and she never divulged a lot of information.

He not only respected that but could relate to it.

He lost his brother, Andy, years ago and it still hurts. The pain has lessened and having Carly and AJ in his life has been a blessing, but he understands the need to keep some things in the past.

Felicity has been nothing but an exceptional mother to Connor and a dear friend to Carly and him. She may not look like it, but she’s probably one of the scariest women he’s ever met, and that’s counting his commander officer.

He has an idea of how hard being a single mother is by seeing Carly’s struggles, but Felicity is a force to be reckoned with. That woman would burn the entire world to the ground if it meant saving her son. Since Connor got sick he’s seen her become a stronger version of herself by working and caring for a sick son all alone.

He tries to help as much as he can but she always insists she’s got it handled. The few times she allowed him to help, it was a simple case of watching Connor as he and AJ had a playdate and she had a last minute business meeting.

And now Connor’s father is back from the dead and along with him one of the most powerful families in the city, if not the country, have entered her and Connor’s life.

If it feels overwhelming to him as someone watching from the outside, he can’t imagine what it’s like for the ones on the inside.

It was clear to him that besides Mr. Queen and Mr. Steele, Felicity has had no real interaction with the rest of the family. She didn’t babble, but from the way she kept readjusting her glasses and running a hand along her ponytail, she was nervous.

He can’t blame her.

Mrs. Queen is an intimidating presence and the people in the room combined are probably worth a couple of small countries in Africa. It doesn’t matter who you are, money has a way of intimidating the bravest of people.

Mr. Queen on the other hand, slightly surprised him. The man _smiled._ His interactions with Connor were nothing similar to any of the ones he’s witnessed. Not even when he spent an entire day driving Mr. Queen and Thea did he see the man look so content and at peace. It’s like Connor’s presence is allowing him to get in touch with of parts of himself he didn’t remember much anymore.

The darkness is still there, like a cloud above the man’s head, but it gives space for a lightness to appear too.

The kind of issues Mr. Queen has won’t be solved in one day or even one month.

PTSD can’t be dealt with unless the person suffering from it wants to. It’s a journey and the first step is usually the hardest since most feel hopeless.

A son suddenly appearing in his life is not an instant cure and John is more than aware.

But Connor may be the hope Mr. Queen needs give that first step.

Before he can delve deeper, one of the doors open and Connor comes out with one of the nurses he saw earlier following behind.

“Hey, Connor what are you doing outside? Where are you parents?” John asks and it’s weird to say parents. Not even an hour ago it was only Felicity.

“Hey, Mr. Dig. Mommy and daddy need to talk to Dr. Avery and usually I go play at the children’s area, but there isn’t one here so mommy asked if I’d come wait with you. Do you mind?”

“I can look after him, sir. It’s not a bother.” The nurse steps in.

“No, it’s fine. I can see you have other things to do.” John replies, pointing to the samples she’s holding.

“Okay. I’ll see you next week, darling. Have a nice week you two.” She says before the say their goodbyes and she leaves.

“How are you, Connor? I didn’t have time to say hello before.” John starts as the little boy sits beside him, little legs not reaching the floor but moving back and forth.

“I’m okay. How are you? What about A.J.? We didn’t get to play because I was sick. I hope he wasn’t sad about it and still wants to be my friend. I still don’t like needles, but this time daddy was there with mommy and me, so it wasn’t _that_ bad. Did you meet my daddy, Mr. Dig? Did you like him? He’s the bestest ever. Mommy said he’s here to stay now so I can have father/son days and stuff. Also now Thea is my _Aunt_ Thea. I never had a real aunt before, but don’t tell Aunt Iris or Aunt Caitlin because they may be sad even if I love them, but it sounds cool to have a real aunt. Daddy’s mom is nothing like my other grandma though. Walter sounds funny, I like it. Uncle Tommy reminds me of my Uncle Cisco a bit. He’s kinda silly.”

Connor always starts with a little ramble and John is always a bit surprised no matter how many times this happens. “I’m okay too and don’t worry A.J. wasn’t sad, he understood and of course, he still wants to be your friend. I’m sure you two can play sometime this week.” He wasn’t going to lie to the boy, but he doesn’t actually know Mr. Queen. “I actually work for you dad’s family. They’re really nice bosses. I’m glad you got your dad back, Connor. I’m sure you’ll love having him around.”

“I already do. I hope he stays.”

John can imagine how confusing it is for Connor to have his father suddenly appear and his hesitation about the situation.

He trusts Felicity knows what she’s doing, but being his boss will not save Mr. Queen from his fury if he ever hurts either of the Smoaks.

They’re as close to family as one can get and no one is hurting them on John’s watch.

His job be damned.

 

<->

 

“Hey, Felicity.” Oliver says after Dr. Avery leaves the room and they’re alone again. “I was wondering… do you have anywhere specific in mind for lunch?”

“Not really. I was actually thinking about maybe going back to my place if you don’t mind and whipping up something. I’m not that big of a cook and it won’t be anything worth a Michelin star, but I try to avoid eating out because even though Connor tries to hide it, he gets pretty down when he sees so many things he likes but can’t eat. I also don’t think it’s wise for us to go out and risk being seen after all the trouble you went through to set this up. Did you have any ideas?”

He was pretty quick to shut down his mother’s suggestion because he knew her motives, but listening to the trouble Felicity would go through and the fact she also thought about the paparazzi issue made him realize that proposing they eat at the mansion wouldn’t be that bad of an idea. “Well, if you’d like we could have lunch at my place. My family would also be there, but Raisa would be able to cook whatever Connor’s allowed to eat and it’d save you the trouble.”

“I can admit it’d be nice to not have to cook, but I’m not sure.” Felicity starts. “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to keep him away from your family because I promise I’m not. I know it may not hold much weight since I did keep him away since I found out I was pregnant, but it’s true. I also realize they may want to get to know him and spend some time together, but Connor warming up to you so fast was an exception. He’s pretty shy as you saw earlier despite his babbling tendencies, which I’m sure you’ve noticed by now comes from me since I’m doing it again.” She finishes with a pop of her lips.

“I don’t mind the babbling, Felicity. It’s endearing.” He says. “Of course I believe you.” And he really does. For some unknown reason he keeps trusting her when he distrusts everyone else on instinct. “Yes, my family would love to spend more time with Connor, but don’t feel obligated to do anything.”

“I don’t. You’ve been more than understanding, Oliver.” His family has treated her pretty well so far. Even Mrs. Queen wasn’t as cold as before, and she doesn’t want to deny anyone the opportunity to bond if that’s what they want. “I’d like to ask Connor himself if you don’t mind. I’m fine with it as long as he is too.”

“Of course, I saw how shy he got earlier. The fact you’re considering it means a lot to my family and me too. Thank you.” He says as he follows her lead and heads towards the door.

“Don’t thank me just yet because he may say no. If he does, please don’t take it personally. He’s just not used to meeting so many people at once.” She adds as an afterthought after adjusting her purse on her shoulder.

“I promise I would never.” He says before opening the door and motioning for her to go first.

 

<->

 

“Mommy, daddy can we go now?” Connor questions excitedly as soon as they join him, Moira and Thea in the waiting room. “Is it time?”

Walter, Tommy and Mr. Diggle are nowhere to be seen while Moira and Thea are each sitting on one side of Connor on the chairs, but whatever it is they were talking about has been completely forgotten by the little boy upon seeing his parents.

“Soon, baby.” Felicity answers. _Moira Queen is sitting on a_ _plastic chair_. She doesn’t know why but she finds it surprisingly funny.

“Tommy asked me to let you know he had some things to take care of but he’d call you later, Ollie. And Walter had to go to QC since he already took the morning off and I swear he works the longest hours, so Dig went to arrange other cars for them and us too.” Thea tells them before they ask.

“That’s fine, speedy. Thank you.” Oliver replies.

“Hey honey, how would you feel about having lunch at your dad’s house?” Felicity asks Connor, ignoring the looks she’s getting from the other women in the room.

“Oh!” He says. “Do you not want to go out anymore, daddy?” Connor asks disappointedly. Maybe daddy changed his mind even if he told him earlier he wouldn’t. Maybe the doctor told him something bad and now he just doesn’t want to spend time with him anymore and that’s why they want to go to his house so they can tell him in private. _It’s fine_ , he thinks. _I still have mommy and it’s not like I wasn’t expecting it._ _I’m boring and full of limitations and I keep getting sicker and daddy is so big and strong and why would he want to spend time with someone who can’t really play? It’s fine. It’s fine._ Maybe if he thinks it enough it will be. He won’t cry though. He’s a big boy and big boys don’t cry.

“What?! Of course not, son. I really want to have lunch with you.” Oliver replies as he kneels down so they can be at eye level. He understands why Connor feels so insecure about his intentions despite his repeatedly reassurances, but he didn’t think it’d hurt this much to see him like this, doubting himself and his worth so young. “I told you, you’re stuck with me now, okay?” He says and he grabs his tiny hand in his. “I’m not going anywhere, Connor. I’m going to be here for you from now on and nothing will drive me away.”

“Your dad and I just thought we’d all have a better time at his place. It’d be more comfortable and he could show you where he grew up.” Felicity steps in. “Then your grandmother and aunt would be able to join us. If they want to, of course.” She finishes as she glances at Moira and Thea briefly. The former looks pleased while Thea is just grinning excitedly. “What do you say? If you don’t want to it is fine, honey. It can be just us three.” She’d risk being seen if it means he son doesn’t feel like staying inside is a way for his father to reject him. She’s sure Oliver will do the same.

“We won’t be upset if you don’t want to, Connor.” Moira adds to Oliver’s surprise since if his son says yes, she’d end up getting what she wanted in the first place.

“Yeah, buddy. It can be just you, me and your mom if you want and you can pick the place too.” He adds. He’s not sure the pick the place part was a good thing to say after Felicity’s warning from earlier, but he just wants to wipe the disappointed look away from his son’s face.

Connor feels a bit silly now. Daddy already told him twice today he hasn’t changed his mind, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t help but feel like it’s a bit too good to be true. “No, it’s okay. We can go to daddy’s. I don’t mind.”

“Good. Then we’ll go to your daddy’s, honey.” Felicity says.

“I’ll show you the best hiding spots in the house, Connor. I’m sure there are some not even your dad knows about. You’ll see.” Thea adds.

“Really, Aunt Thea?” He asks with a bit of wonderment in his voice as if he can’t grasp the concept that there’s something his daddy doesn’t know. Grownups know _everything_.

“Yes, really.” She says as she bumps their shoulders lightly.

 

<->

 

Ms. Smoak insisted on driving herself and Connor even if they offered to have someone pick her car up and drive it to the mansion, but she said it’d be a waste and it didn’t make much sense. Moira couldn’t blame her because it was true. She mostly offered so she’d be able to spend more time with her grandson.

Oliver decided to ride with them after learning Felicity drives a mini cooper. Moira can’t be sure on what type of car that is, but she assumes it’s a small one from her son’s reaction. They’re halfway to the manor already and she can’t stop going over the interactions she’s had with her grandson so far.

For the last few years she didn’t think she’d be a grandmother anytime soon. The thought hasn’t even crossed her mind with Thea being so young and her son supposedly dead, and regardless of her reluctance to believe Ms. Smoak’s word even if she could see it just from staring at the pictures, she already can’t imagine not being one.

Connor is absolutely delightful.

Granted, she hasn’t had the opportunity to hold an entire conversation with him since she lost his attention as soon as his parents appeared back at the hospital, which she doesn’t mind. She could watch Oliver and Connor interact forever.

“I don’t know why you changed your mind, but thank you Oliver.” She says to her son.

“I’m not doing this for you, mom. Felicity mentioned being seen in public and cooking herself back at her place and I thought it’d be nice to offer her one less thing to worry about. You should thank Connor since we decided it was up to him in the end and he said yes.” He replies a bit coldly. He’s still not happy with his mother and since there’s no one else around he can actually show it.

“I can see you’re not pleased with me, but I’m not sorry Oliver. I may not have expressed myself in the best way but I stand by what I said.” Moira says.

“So do I. Believe it or not, decisions involving _my_ son do not need your opinion much less your approval. I won’t have you trying to control this situation and jeopardizing the trust Felicity is putting in me.”

“I understand your need to protect your child Oliver, but you don’t have to protect him from me. He’s my family too.”

“Well, you weren’t saying that a few days ago, were you?”

“Okay. Okay... time out for both of you.” Thea interrupts before things can escalate further. “You two can fight later or whatever it is you need to do, but we’re almost home and I don’t want my nephew’s first time at our home to be remembered negatively because you two can’t put your problems aside for a few hours.”

“It won’t be a problem, Thea.” Moira says assuredly and with a blank face. She doesn’t remember her son being so harsh with his words, or maybe he was never that harsh with her. He and Robert used to butt heads often but she always defended Oliver. It feels like a stab to hear his words. She never meant to deny her grandson. She just wanted to protect Oliver and Thea. It was never about rejecting Connor and it hurts that her son thinks that.

“Don’t worry, speedy. It’ll be put on hold as soon as we step out of this car.” Oliver assures his sister who looks pretty skeptical. “I want Connor to have nice memories too.” He says with a bit more warmth in his voice.

“Good.” Thea says with a nod of her head just as they pull up to the gate  .

<->

 

“Mommy?” Connor whisper-yells in that childlike manner where they think they’re being discreet but the entire room heard them loud and clear, as he touches her arm from where he’s sitting beside her on the table.

Lunch was nice. It was clear to Felicity that Mrs. Queen and Thea, just like Oliver, actually wanted to get to know her son. The matriarch made sure to engage Connor in conversation as much as possible, letting her son babble about his boat and whatever else his tiny heart desired without reproach and Felicity noticed how much warmer she seemed to be. Even though there wasn’t much genuine interest in getting to know her, the older woman was polite and almost kind to her every time Connor mentioned her.

They have just finished their meal and are now having coffee with pastries even if they already served dessert and no one _is_ touching the pastries and besides Mrs. Queen and herself, no one is drinking the coffee either. Still, no one made any move to get up and Felicity is really starting to think that rich people are more peculiar than her own family, which is saying something because the Smoaks are a pretty peculiar bunch.

Putting her cup down before looking at Connor, she replies. “Yes, baby?”

“I’m tired.” He says and she can see from the way his eyes are starting to drop and he’s leaning more than sitting on the chair.

She checks the time and realizes it’s a bit past 2pm and Connor usually naps at around 1pm after he has lunch. It’s no wonder he’s tired and although she doesn’t want to come off as the classical eat and dish PG 13 version cliché; she also knows how important Connor’s daily naps are for his well-being. “Of course you are, honey. It’s way past your nap time.” She says dropping a kiss on the top of his head before turning to address the room. “Well, thank you for having us, Mrs. Queen. It was a pleasure but I should be getting Connor home. Oliver, thank you. Thea, it was nice to meet you.”

“Stay.” Oliver interrupts before she can get up or anyone can say anything in reply.

“I’m sorry?”

Clearing his throat and avoiding the curious eyes of everyone in the room, Oliver addresses Felicity by saying. “I mean let Connor nap in my room. I think we can both agree we have some things to talk about and now would be a great opportunity. He can sleep and there are a lot of people to look after him in case he’s up before we’re done.”

“Oh.” Felicity can agree it’s a pretty great plan. They wouldn’t need to schedule another date and she wouldn’t need a babysitter for Connor or try to conciliate it with one of his playdates with AJ. “I suppose that’d be okay. What do you say, sweetheart? Would you mind napping in your dad’s room while he and I talk?” She questions her son, who looks ready to just fold his arms on top of the table and sleep right there.

“I just want to sleep, mommy.” He replies, voice full of sleep and on the verge of a mini tantrum. Connor is extremely well behaved, but most times his tantrums are over lack of sleep.

“Okay, honey. Your dad is going to take us to his room so you can lay down.”

“Do you want me to pick you up, buddy?!” Oliver questions as he gets up and Felicity takes that as her cue to do the same.

Connor only nods and stretches his arms in his father’s direction as Oliver moves around the table to reach him.

“You can use the east tea room, Oliver. It’s closer to your room than any of the offices.” Moira interjects and for a moment Felicity had forgotten they had an audience, which is somehow becoming a habit every time her, Connor and Oliver are together.

“Thanks, mom. We’ll see you guys later.”

“Thank you for everything. It was delicious. Mrs. Queen. Thea.” Felicity adds. Is she supposed to say goodbye when she isn’t leaving? She feels weird just leaving everyone there but Oliver is already half way to the door and she doesn’t want to get lost in this place. _A tea room? An_ eas _t tea room? Yeah, she’d never find her way out of here alone._

“You may call me Moira, Felicity.”

“Oh, okay! Thank you Moira.”

And with that she turns to follow Oliver before she can actually process what just happened.

 

<->

 

They hadn’t even reached the stairs and Connor was already out.

Felicity is pretty amazing with following digital footprints and back tracing data, but she can admit she’s awful with real directions and the Queen mansion feels like an ever ending maze.

They climb the stairs and make their way through a couple of hallways, but it feels like an eternity before they reach their destination and she honestly doesn’t have a clue how to go back.

They’re both quiet as not to disturb Connor.

She doesn’t know what she expected from Oliver’s room because she never imagined she’d _be_ in Oliver’s room, but she’s somehow still surprised.

It’s clear everything in here is way too expansive to be called simple things as “bed”, “chair” or “desk”, but that’s not what actually surprises her.

There’s not a sprinkle of dust nor is anything out of place, but it feels generic.

Despite all the beautiful furniture, the room feels bare.

Cold.

Unlived in.

If it wasn’t for the few pictures on his bedside table and desk, she’d think she stepped inside a hotel room instead.

Snapping out of her musings, she sees Oliver holding Connor gently with one arm and trying to pull the covers with the other while trying to avoid moving him too much. “Let me help you, Oliver.” She says quietly as she moves to pull the covers back.

“Thanks.” He whispers.

After he lowers Connor to the middle of the bed, she adjusts the covers back up and kisses his forehead gently. “Sleep well, baby!” Turning to Oliver, she asks. “Is the hmm tea room far? Because I don’t him to wake up alone and freak out. I thought we could show him where we’d be but he was already out before we got here.”

“It’s right across the hall, Felicity. We can leave both doors open in order to keep an ear out for him. My room is the only one in this wing of the house and I’m sure no one will interrupt us. Mom will let Raisa know so she can make sure of it.”

“Oh!” _This wing of the house._ Who _says things like that?_ “That’s fine then. Lead the way.” She replies with a hand swooping gesture she wishes she could take back before it’s even over.

Tea room is just a fancy name for a living room when people have way too many rooms to remember where they all are without specific names, Felicity decides.

Its walls are painted light green, couches and comfy chairs are spaced out through the room with small tables that she assumes are for tea trays in between, which make for a homey atmosphere. The big glass windows have its curtains pulled back and despite the cloudy day, she can still appreciate the beautiful view of what she can only assume is a lake and a forest some distance away.

Oliver motions to one of the chairs closer to door and she takes a seat before he settles opposite her.

“Do you mind if I go first?” He asks.

“Of course not.”

“I don’t recall mentioning it when we were on the phone yesterday, but I had a meeting with one of my family’s lawyers.” He starts and seeing the surprise and hesitation form in Felicity’s eyes he makes sure to clarify. “It was mostly about my legal resurrection, but I ended up talking about Connor and there are some things we should talk on how to deal with.”

“I agree. Where do you want to start?” She was ready for questions about Connor’s health or his personal preferences, not lawyers. She knows they’d eventually reach that point, and though she shouldn’t be as surprised by Oliver’s need to address all possible angles of the situation at this point, she is. She thought he’d want a bit more time to adapt to the idea of being a father and what it entails, but in an unusual turn of events, she’s wrong.

“I told you the NDAs are a good start, but I think we can both agree it’s just not realistic to believe we can keep the fact Connor is my son a secret for much longer. Even if I hadn’t just returned home, the press would still be hounding me and my family. I wish I could keep Connor and you away from them, but I can’t.”

“I know, Oliver. They’re like leeches. Even if they don’t find anything at first glance, they will keep digging until they do. I don’t know much about PR, but I assume you want to come up with a way to let them know on our own terms? Minimize the risks and all that, right?!”

“Yes. I can also selfishly admit that I don’t want to hide him. I’m proud to have him as a son, Felicity. You did an amazing job and he’s wonderful and I want everyone to know he’s mine. That he’s ours.”

“It’s okay to want that. You’re only human, Oliver. And thank you, but I had some help along the way too. Do you have an angle in mind yet?”

“Yes. If it’s okay with you, I was thinking we could do an interview. My mom has some connections and she’d be able to set it up with someone trustworthy. We’d be able to release the amount of information we deem adequate and perhaps a picture or two so they won’t descend on your house and try to follow you around like vultures. Other outlets will probably dig wherever they can to know more, but that’s where the NDAs would come in.”

Felicity is quiet for a while, going over Oliver’s idea, trying to find possible loopholes. “Don’t you think a press conference would help settle the media as a whole? They’d all receive the same amount of information and be able to write their own exposés. I’m hesitant that picking one specific outlet may send the others in a frenzy trying to find the next big scoop.”

Oliver doesn’t want to lie to Felicity and he suspects she’s too smart and perceptive to fall for it, so he opts for the truth. “The thought did cross my mind, but from past experiences I can say press conferences can get out of control quickly. Besides not wanting to expose you both to the vitriol I can assure you some of them will let spill despite our best efforts, I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of a room full of people pointing flashes at me.” He finishes a bit reluctantly. He just exposed one of his weaknesses to Felicity while all his sharply molded instincts tried to remind him of how bad an idea that is.

Not wanting to make Oliver more uncomfortable than he already is, she decides not to press the issue too deeply. If he wants to talk it’s up to him, but she won’t force it. “Well, if you think that’s our best course of action than we’ll do it.”

“Thanks, Felicity.”

“It’s no problem. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with, Oliver. I also believe you have Connor’s best interest at heart, which gives you a lot more brownie points than you’d think. Do you think we could do it after the results come back? I know you don’t want to hide him and it may take a week, maybe two to set it all up, but I just can’t really focus on much else right now.”

“Of course, Felicity. I want us to get a head start on this but as I’ve told you before, you’re Connor’s mom and it’s your pace to set.”

“I appreciate it.” She replies. “But I assume that’s not all you want to talk about, is it?” She can tell from the look on his face there’s more.

“It isn’t, but I don’t want you to feel pressured or offended by it in any way.”

Felicity may not know him well but she’d bet her tablet on what his next topic is going to be. “It’s money, isn’t it?”

“Kind of.” He starts. “I’m sure you’re aware that my family and I have a lot of it. More than most people can imagine and I don’t mean this as a slight or as me trying to sound more qualified to provide because out of the two of us, you’re the one with a college degree and a stable job while I dropped out of four schools. My point is, I have money, and I’d like to pay for any and all of Connor’s medical expenses.”

“No. I’m sorry Oliver, but that’s a no.” She replies firmly. She knew money would come up at some point.

“Can I ask why?”

“I never came looking for your family because of your money, no matter how much of it you have. I came because Connor needs help and you’re the ones best qualified to provide it. I may also not be rich, but Connor and I aren’t wanting for anything and I don’t need your monetary help.”

“Felicity, I know but this isn’t about that. You’ve been raising him alone for four and half years now with no support” Seeing as she was about to interrupt he quickly adds, “…regardless if it was needed or not, and I can’t go back in time to make up for the time lost and I’m not saying that money is going to give it to any of us, but whether you need it or not, I have financial responsibilities as Connor’s father. You may have been doing this alone, but you don’t have to. You already worry about so much and it’d make me feel better if I could help you too.”

“Oliver…”

“You don’t have to decide now… just think about it, okay? If it helps, think about it as the child support I’ve never paid you.”

“I don’t…”

“Just think about it. It’s a non-expiring offer.”

“Fine.” She complies.

Oliver is about to mentioning the possibility of scheduling his and Connor’s first father/son day when he hears the rustling of sheets. “Connor’s awake.”

 

<->

 

Felicity has no idea _how_ Oliver knew their son was up since he was still lying in bed with his eyes closed when they got to Oliver’s room.

There are still things they need to talk about but she’s thankful for the break. She understands where Oliver is coming from, but she has never depended on anyone for financial help outside of her mother and that stopped when she got her first job at age fifteen.

“Hey, baby.” She says as sits down on the edge of Oliver’s bed so she can reach Connor’s forehead and caress it with her thumb. “Are you ready to get up?”

“Hmm.” He mumbles in response while making no move to open his eyes or get up though he reaches for her as usual.

Oliver is standing beside her, hands in his pockets as he looks down at their son cocooned in his sheets. He sits down, directly besides Felicity, after deciding there’s no harm in joining them even if it’s clear Connor and Felicity have some kind of ritual. “I can see you’re pretty comfortable, buddy.”

“Daddy?” He questions, finally opening his eyes as surprise colors his features. He doesn’t let go of Felicity’s hands, but it is clear whatever sleepiness he still had has left him.

“Yeah, I’m here.” He replies as he pats Connor’s leg over the sheets.

Seeing his confusion Felicity decides to clarify. “We’re in your dad’s house, honey. This is his room and his bed.” She says gently, thumbs running back and forth on the top of his small hands. Connor’s not the most aware person when first waking up.

“Oh!” He says while using the hold he has on mommy’s hand to sit up. Even if it hurts he thinks he manages to hide it well. He doesn’t want mommy to take him home because of it. He hasn’t even seen daddy’s entire house yet. “I remember now.” He finishes with a nod before moving closer to his parents. “Can you we do something together?”

Felicity and Oliver share a look before the former responds. “Do you have something in mind, sweetheart?”

“Nope. I just want to spend some time with you two.” He answers before giving them a little pout and the puppy eyes.

“Well, I don’t think we have many kid friendly options but if I remember correctly we used to have a pretty good movie collection. Would that be okay, son?” Oliver questions. He needs to work on that. He wants Connor to feel welcomed and comfortable here.

“I love movies. Do you have Robin Hood, daddy? He’s my favorite!” Connor replies animatedly while trying to untangle himself from the sheets.

Seeing her son’s unsuccessful attempts to free himself Felicity gets up in order to loosen the covers and help him.

“I believe so. It was one of your Aunt’s favorite growing up.”

“Yay!” Connor exclaims with an accompanying fist bump as he climbs off the bed.

They don’t find the cartoon version of Robin Hood so they end up watching the 1938 classic together in the Queen’s theater room.

His son had never seen it before and Oliver can’t describe the feeling that blooms inside his chest for being able to be present for one of his son’s firsts, even if it was simply a movie viewing.

Connor and Felicity clearly had a great time watching the movie and doing commentaries, with the later clearly being an old fan and their son just proving that he’ll love any version of Robin Hood he watches.

But Oliver couldn’t remember any scene from it.

He was honestly too busy watching the other two people in the room instead of the screen.

He doesn’t know how to describe the feeling their presence evokes, but he can feel himself becoming addicted to it already.

 

<->

 

Oliver wouldn’t say this has become a routine since it hasn’t even been a week, but he and Mr. Diggle have started sparing daily.

It’s been a silently agreement between them after the first morning.

He’s usually in before the older man since sleep is scarce and pacing his room can only last so long before he’s itching to _do_ something and working out is still his best option.

He ordered some other gym equipment that will allow him to push himself harder and practice parkour. He spent years relying in his physical endurance and although the house’s gym isn’t lacking in any way, he’s learned to appreciate the discipline parkour requires.

He’s been able to get a better feel of who Mr. Diggle is as a person too.

He’s learned a lot on his years away about reading people.

Although he’s still assessing John Diggle, there’s nothing that indicates the man is anything short of an upstanding person.

It’s the little tells and even in his fight style and posture. Watching how a person behaves in pressure situations such as a spar session is a huge tell most people overlook.

He’s still holding back, but he’s using some more of his skills each day. Sometimes he loses on purpose, but he mostly wins.

Mr. Diggle is good, but because of his military background, the man is controlled. He’s methodic. He has a specific training style.

Oliver doesn’t.

He never had the chance to. He can strategize as the best of them, but it was always life or death and stopping to follow well established guidelines would have resulted in certain death.

“Can we speak honestly now, Mr. Queen?” John questions slightly breathless from their last sparing round. He lost. Again. The more he does, the surer he is that his boss is nothing as he appears.

“I don’t see why not… so go ahead.” Oliver replies before running a hand towel over his face to dry some of the sweat.

“It’s about Felicity and Connor.” John says, going straight to the point. There’s no reason to beat around the bush.

“What about them?” He asks, his voice having a noticeable layer of steal. He can already tell he won’t like what comes next.

“I just want to warn you that I don’t care if you’re my boss and how much power your family name has… you do anything to hurt either of them and you’ll have me to deal with me.” Diggle says firmly.

Oliver can respect that. “Good thing I don’t plan on ever hurting either of them.”

“I’m keeping an eye on you regardless. You may be fooling your family Mr. Queen, but you’re not fooling me. You’re full of crap and we both know it.”

“I think you’ve got the wrong impression of me, Mr. Diggle.” He says trying to play dumb. As if his mother questioning his mental health wasn’t enough now there’s someone else on to him.

“We both know I haven’t.” John says, knowing expression on his face. “You may not be a soldier, but whatever it is you went through left scars… and they’re not all physical.” Mr. Queen can try and play the dumb playboy all he wants but he’s not falling for it. “I also can tell when someone is pulling their punches, no matter how good they are. And you’re good Mr. Queen, you’re really good but I didn’t survive three tours by being easily fooled.”

Oliver can see no matter what he says Mr. Diggle won’t change his mind. It’s not ideal and he never wanted anyone to notice, but he knows which battles to pick. “You don’t have anything to worry about but I can see you don’t believe me, so it’s fine. You do what you need to do.” He replies.

He didn’t have many doubts left about John Diggle’s character, but the few that were still there?

Completely dismissed.

The man could’ve stayed quiet but the fact he decided to speak to him just proved how loyal he is to those he cares about.

Oliver is pleased to know there are more people willing to be on Connor and Felicity’s corner like this even if Mr. Diggle being on to his façade is bothersome.

Maybe he and John Diggle have more in common than he first thought.

Besides, the man is loyal.

And that’s not something Oliver states lightly.

 

<->

 

“Hey, Raisa!” Oliver says as he makes his way into the kitchen, startling the older woman who had her back towards the door and was peeling vegetables.

“Oh Mr. Oliver,” She replies, a half peeled potato falling into the sink while the hand holding the peeler moves to the top of her left breast before she turns around to face him. “You almost gave me a heart attack. I’m too old to be caught by surprise like this. You’re as silent as a cat.”

“You’re as beautiful as I remember when I was little. But I’m sorry for scaring you. I thought you heard me come in.” He says, trying to charm her just as he did when she caught him doing something he shouldn’t as a child.

“It’s okay, Mr. Oliver. Is there something I can help you with? It’s been years since you’ve looked for me in the kitchen.” She says with some wistfulness in her voice.

“I used to come steal cookies all the time with Tommy, I recon. Your cookies were heaven on earth, Raisa, worth all the scolding I got.” He says, taking a seat on one of the stools and letting a breathy laugh out.

“Yes. You and Mr. Merlyn were responsible for my first gray hairs. Always running around and causing trouble.” She supplies with nothing but fondness in her voice. “I’ll bake you more cookies, Mr. Oliver.”

“Thank you, Raisa.” He doesn’t have the heart to tell her he probably won’t be able to stomach them as well as he used to when she’s looking at him with that much love shining from her eyes. Also, if he had to choose foods to help him readapt, Raisa’s cookies would be one of his first choices along with ice cream. “I was wondering if you know what happened to my comic book collection? I didn’t see it in my room or the library.

“Of course I do. They’re stored in your old playroom. Mrs. Queen never dismantled either yours or Ms. Thea’s. It was a good thing too, since we have young Mr. Connor in the family now.”

“Connor loves superheroes and I promised to show them to him.”

“Look at you, Mr. Oliver... such a loving father already.”

“I don’t really know what I’m doing, Raisa. I’m also not the same person I used to be, which I’m not sure is a bad thing.” He says, a note of self-depreciation shining through.

“No. You’re still a good boy.” She says with no uncertainty in her voice. Her belief in him is still unshakable. It never mattered what he did, Raisa always believed him to be a good person for some reason he could never understand.

“Oh, I think we both know I wasn’t.” He replies reproachfully.

“But still a good heart.” She says pointing to his heart and he’d forgotten how good it feels to talk to her.

“I hope so. I want to be the person you always told me I could be and the father Connor deserves.”

“Mr. Connor is lucky to have you. Ms. Felicity did a great job with him, but every little boy needs a father and you’re already a great one because you love your son.”

“Thank you, Raisa. I’ve missed you.”

“No kitchen on the island?”

“No friends either.” He says with a small smile.

She gives him a big smile back. “I’ve missed my boy too, Mr. Oliver.”

“There’s something else I need your help with, Raisa.”

“Anything for you, Mr. Oliver!”

He may not be able to give Connor a normal life right now, but he can try to give him as much fun as he can.

 

<->

 

“Hey speedy, are you busy?” Oliver questions as he stands at her doorway.

Thea has one headphone popped in her ear while the other hangs from around her neck. There are clothes all over the room and she looks a bit out of breath.

“Ollie, hi! Come in.” She says as she drops what he’d say is a shirt but knowing his sister it’s most likely a dress and bends to open some floor space so he can reach her bed and sit down. “I’m just going through some old stuff. What’s up?”

“You know how it’s Halloween the day after tomorrow?”

“Yeah! One of my friends is going to throw a big bash on her family’s yacht. I got a badass costume and everything. Why?” She says absent-mindedly as she finally plops down beside him.

“Oh! It’s nothing then. I don’t want to bother you if you already got plans and everything.” He says, running a hand through his hair.

“I don’t, not really. The party starts late and I’m not even sure I’m going anymore. Tell me, what is it you need?”

“Speedy, you don’t have to make excuses. It’s okay. I can figure it out myself.”

“No, Ollie. I’m serious. Two weeks ago I’d be all for the party, but I’m trying to turn a new leaf so yeah, I’m not sure if I should go. But regardless, you’re my brother and you were about to ask me for help… so ask. Is it Connor related?”

It doesn’t escape his attention how Thea avoids his eyes when mentioning turning a new leaf, and even if he knows more about her bad habits than he lets on, he doesn’t feel it’s worth bringing it up right now. If she wants to turn her life around and find a better path, he can give his support while keep an eye out for her. He’ll step in if it turns out he needs to.

“Yes. The first time I went to Felicity’s house he mentioned how he loves superheroes and how Felicity got him “the coolest costume” for Halloween even if he can’t go trick or treating. That got me thinking and I have this idea, but I need help figuring out the details and what I’ll need. Would you be up for that? I already asked Raisa to find my old comics collection and everything.”

“Color me intrigued. And of course I’m in. Any excuse to spend time with my big bro and to do something nice for my nephew.”

“You don’t need an excuse to spend time with me, speedy. You’re my little sister. I’ll always have time for you.”

“I know that… I think. It’s just that with everything going on I don’t want to feel like a burden to you, like you have to spend time with me, you know.”

“It’s never going to be a burden and I love spending time with you. I’ve missed so much and I don’t want to miss more.”

That earns him a big grin before she says. “Good. So tell me more about this idea of yours, daddy of the year.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far, thank you! Feedback is always encouraged and appreciated since it makes my day and right now I’ll take all I can get cause finals! :)
> 
> All the mistakes are mine and I’m sure there are plenty since I only read it once before posting. I’m trying my best though I’m still sorry about them.
> 
> I personally feel this was more of a transitional chapter because it was split, but I hope y’all enjoyed it anyway.
> 
> I posted on my Tumblr that I’d update in ten days max over 2 weeks ago and I’m sorry for not following through. I really thought I could do it but then S4 ended and I’ve been struggling with the show because I thought 4B was such a huge disappointment… which is another reason this took so long. At first I felt discouraged to write even if I ranted a lot and even shared some of it with the writers on twitter. Then I ended up taking a break. FYI, I completely suck at SM breaks, especially twitter ones. I barely lasted one weekend and that’s my personal record. LMAO My point is that after that I was encouraged to write fluff so the 8k+ I mentioned earlier is almost all fluff and I thought I’d give y’all something to look forward to without spoiling anything.
> 
> Anyway, if you’re so inclined, you can find me on Tumblr @strollinginparadise. I don’t use it much, but if you just want to talk I’ll be sure to answer! 
> 
> I’ll see you on the other side of the war! x

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a one-shot. I’d like to say I haven’t written anything in like 9 years and English is not my first language so please, if possible, be kind.
> 
> Also, sorry if it made no sense but I needed to get it out!


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